Trampy and The Tramp's Glasgow of Curry

REVIEW: I Yad A Dream

2012-01-26T00:56:00.063Z

Yadgar, Govanhill

The Time: January 19, 8pm

Booking Name: Unrequired!

The Pub Aforehand: The Pandora, Victoria Road

In Attendance: Trampy, The Tramp, The Bulldosa, Rogan Josh Homme, Ravi Peshari, Chasni Hawkes and the triumphant return of The Birmingham Wan.

Decor: A no-nonsense diner and takeaway, Yadgar is bright and bustling, but with decent crockery and cutlery your ma wouldn’t turn her nose up at.

Expectations: Possibly absurdly high, because so many people TATTGOC respect have recommended it with great enthusiasm.

The Experience:

Legends. They are only definitively born in their perpetual retelling, which is perhaps why they can seem to pillow and bulge in the process. For who, in their heart of hearts, wants to recount a simply boilerplate tale? Better to add a curlicue here, a grace note there. And in cruel, unsmiling January – that dryest, drabbest of months, especially for those in the Curry Club who vow to forgo the evils of alcohol in the pursuit of some imaginary reboot of themselves – the prospect of becoming swept up in a greater narrative becomes ever more appealing. Call it surrender; casting oneself into a spicy riptide, tugged down into an inky blackness, only to emerge – mewling and reborn – into the light. Just go. Go with the flow ...

(Not had enough of this? Click here to, uh, “cast oneself” ...)

Of course, Glasgow has its fair share of celebrated curryhouses – the Shish, Mother India, the Koh-i-Noor – but there is another strata that truly earns the mark of “legend”. These are the places whispered (or sometimes shouted) about by those in search of the most authentic experience. And among that rare breed that identify themselves as true curryphiles, there is one name whispered (or shouted) above all others:

“Yadgar!”

It’s the curryhouse of choice for Curry Lover of the Year 2008 Mr Snax. And it’s a second home to Curry Lover of the Year 2011 nominee Hector, of Hector’s Curry-Heute. On-the-bone, off-the-bone, curry by the kilo ... for those in search of an authentic spicy fix that doesn’t rely on fixtures and fittings, Yadgar is, according to the lore, Avalon, Shangri-La and Costco, all rolled into one. So after way too long, the Tramps agreed to make it the first outing of 2012 – for what better time to sample the licence-free Yadgar than the one single month that TATTGOC could go booze-free without causing a riot among the membership?

And if this were truly to be an outing for legends, what better way to mark it than with the return of wandering hero The Birmingham Wan? Forever acknowledged in TATTGOC history as “the man who loved Shalimar”, TBW had been AWOL in Leeds for the best part of two years. So as the six-strong January corps of Curry Club assembled in The Pandora for a quick snifter before the scheduled chowdown, it caused a spontaneous round of applause and shouts of “huzzah!” when the Wan returned, just like Gawan the Green Knight of Arthurian legend. For his part, The Birmingham Wan had tales of Leeds curry, but they are perhaps better kept for another time.

Legendary or not, the seating area of Yadgar is not all-encompassing, so a Curry Cadre of seven was most agreeable; upon trekking the hundred yards or so up Calder Street to their destination, the assembled Clubbers arranged themselves around a few tables apparently just in time. For no sooner had they parked their posteriors than the formerly reasonably busy dining area became absolutely jam-packed, with every pew and stall suddenly in demand. Perhaps there is such a thing as the “8pm rush”. There have been many times that TATTGOC’s currynauts were the only explorers in the place. In Yadgar, it felt like the exact opposite.

With no time to lose, the Tramps placed a pre-emptive starter order, rustling up a couple of portions of mixed pakora and a double portion of lamb chops, to ensure that all seven currynauts received at least one each. With no licence, the drinking was restricted to mango lassi, so two jugs were ordered. And in the spirit of telling stories, many tales were spun about TATTGOC’s legendary visit to the Village where, despite having at least a viking longboat’s worth of crew, they struggled to finish the feast simply because every member’s eye had been turned by a nice lassi. When it came to ordering the main courses, the Tramps were initially apprehensive when the youthful waiter didn’t appear to require a notepad or pencil, despite the imminent prospect of seven main dishes and a hastily worked-out rice/naan equation. Especially when the order covered all aspects of the menu, from the daily specials to the grill and the much-praised karahi dishes ...

A three-strong braintrust of currynauts coalesced one idea, an amazing idea: to order the same, traditionally desi-cooked karahi dish. Chasni Hawkes opted for the chicken bhuna. The Birmingham Wan and Trampy took the TATTGOC bit between their teeth and ordered, essentially at random, from the daily specials list, making their selections without even the crutch of descriptive text. And the Tramp, like Odin himself, ordered a tandoori mixed platter to maintain his determined meat intake. For the rice/naan equation, the Tramps went full-bore, perhaps in the absence of booze. Three rice were ordered, as well as three naans: garlic, peshwari and – a new one on the Curry Club – an onion and green chilli variant. Due to the debating-chamber atmosphere, and since the naan order was coming from the far end of the table, there was some harrumphing and menu-waving as it was logged. But nothing to worry about.

As the seven-strong crew devoured the two plates of excellent mixed pakora, and gnawed on the delectable lamb chops, talk turned, inevitably, to the usual TATTGOC topic: movies. Of course, that meant all that Oscar bait was skewered as if to be stuck in a tandoor. Elsewhere, the place was jumping, with necessary rearrangement of the furniture that all the sit-in customers were suitably distributed. To the untrained eye, it looked little more than a melee. Surely that meant the service would be equally chaotic? The Tramps lingered over their mango lassi with foreboding, expecting half-assed results.

O ye of little faith! Within a relatively short time period, every single dish arrived as ordered. Clearly, the young waiter knew his job. There were also such copious amounts of rice and naan that some hasty rearrangement of the group table was required. Each dish is traditionally received with awed silence, but a special gasp was exhaled when the tandoori mixed grill for the Tramp descended, in all its Close Encounters of the Third Kind glory. For Trampy and The Birmingham Wan, their attempt to court Lady Luck had resulted in piquant dishes that were satisfying ... but paled slightly in comparison with the mighty karahi enjoyed by almost half of the assembled Club. But for anyone who felt like their dish wasn’t all it could have been, The Tramp was very generous, dishing out succulent tandoori meat to anyone with a quivering lip. Among the chaos of the order, as hungry diners were barging their way in, an extra plain naan had arrived, but it was immediately welcomed as everyone attempted to scoop up some morsel of the famed karahi or the nihari and haleem dishes.

Yadgar is not a place to stand on ceremony. So despite the fact that TATTGOC was about to experience an epochal shift – with ever-antagonistic lieutenant The Bulldosa relocating to London for at least two years – there was no post-feast descent into sentimentality or melodrama. As the meal, eventually, drew toward its natural conclusion, with every bone nibbled and the best part of four naans munched on, the currynauts still found themselves among a bustling constituency of sit-in diners and patient carry-outers. That is not the correct situation to stand upon a chair and start tinking a glass with your unused spoon. Instead, the six currynauts raised their essentially empty lassi glasses and mouthed a tribute to The Bulldosa, a TATTGOC fixture in so many unavoidable ways. With the return of The Birmingham Wan, it could seem simply like the rawplugging of a new component, swapping like for like. But in a month unexpectedly teeming with stories for the Dreamtime, it was a rare privilege to be present and punch the ticket on the continuing journey of a true legend: The Bulldosa. It almost seems impossible to imagine Curry Club without him ... but we know he will carry it on in his heart. Down in London. Helltown. Purgatory. Etc.

Range Of Drinks: Various lassis and softs, and Kashmiri tea.

Highlights: Impressive service, mighty curries ... this was one legend that lived up to billing.

Lowlights: There was an odd naan out, but who’s complaining?

The Verdict: A legendary experience!

The Damage: £97.50 (tip £14.50)

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC OUTINGS

Killermont Polo Club, Maryhill Road

Nakodar, Annfield Place
Cafe Serena, Maxwell Road
Punjabi Charing Cross

The Khyber, nr Shields Road

Punjabi, Paisley Road West
Rasoi, Partick Cross

Agra, Anniesland
Cafe Salma, Charing Cross
Kabana, Seaward Street

TATTGOC Sexytime! In Other Words, It's The First Podcast Of 2012

2012-01-19T00:02:00.076Z

Hello ladies! It's the first TATTGOC podcast of 2012 and after a surprisingly frosty start, the Tramps soon warm up when contemplating The Burning Question, posited by The Bulldosa, about whether or not he should take his lady love out for a curry on Valentine's Day. Stay tuned to hear The Tramp's Valentine curry menu, and Trampy role-playing as Louise Redknapp from Something For The Weekend. Also in episode four, a round-up of curry news involving swap-ups, pop-ups and some ill-informed discussion about football, a fairly comprehensive review of the Harlequin Group's curry delivery service and the first artist to feature twice on The Tramp's Jukebox Puri, the sitar master Okko Bekker.

(Onwards to the embedded player and more ...)

Keep Calm And Curry On – Episode 4: Be My Dhalentine by Keepcalmandcurryon on Mixcloud

The podcast we're starting to call KCACO isn't currently available on iTunes, so if the embedded player above isn't doing it for you, you can:

DOWNLOAD THE MP3: Here!

LISTEN ON MIXCLOUD: Here!

A surprising amount is covered in this episode, so here are some "show notes" with links and supplementary information, a necessary corrective to the ramblings of the podcast:

– Roy Brett and Nick Nairn are popping up at www.mithas.co.uk ...

– ... but there's currently more info in this 5pm news post than on the Mithas site

– for more details of Tony Singh's February "bhangra burger" pop-up visit www.burgherburger.co.uk

– intrigued by The Bungo's breakfast thali? Check out www.thebungo.co.uk

– for details of Partick Thistle's next curry and pint deal, keep an eye on www.ptfc.co.uk

– for actually accurate details of Mr Singh's India's Valentine's Day deal, click here

– to gauge The Tramp's impression of Simon Rimmer, compare with this

– and if you aren't convinced that The Tramp was freezing throughout, here's the proof:

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC NEWS POSTS
TATTGOC's New Year *Revolutions* For 2012
Spice Fillers: The Best Of TATTGOC 2011
Pod Cast Ye Merry Gentlemen ... It's Your Special Festive Episode Of Keep Calm And Curry On!
Jingle Is Massive! It's TATTGOC's Curr-istmas Gift Guide 2011 ...
The TATTGOC Podcast Returns! And For Some Reason It's Still Not Called "CHATGOC!!
That Curry Capital 2011 Result In Full ...
Keep Calm And Curry On ... It's The TATTGOC Podcast!!
TATTGOC Salutes: Glasgow Mega Burrito!
"If You've Got A History Book At Home, Take It Out, Throw It In The Bin ... It's Worthless."
Curry Capital 2011: Sizin' Up The Competition

Tastin' With The Tramps: Innocent Veg Pots!

2012-01-12T00:01:00.224Z

The distinguished members of TATTGOC sure do love their curry, as evidenced by their rather outdated title of Curry Lovers Of The Year 2010. But their ongoing quest for spicy satisfaction isn't merely limited to TATTGOC's regular excursions to some of Glasgow's hidden-gem curryhouses. If they happen across almost any curry-related foodstuff, Trampy and The Tramp feel compelled to take it for a spin – and thus was born the irregular feature Tastin' With The Tramps. So what spicy product is in the hot seat this time? Why, it's only the new(ish) range of microwaveable Veg Pots from those juicy folks at Innocent! What better way to kick off TATTGOC's nominally healthy January? (Although if you represent Old Raj Gin, please get in touch.)

(Remove top, reapply loosely, then click here to read on ...)

The Product: Infamous for their range of fruit smoothies in minimalist packaging and an adamant use of lower-case fonts, Innocent have been quietly broadening their product range to include fruit-packed kiddie drinks and this new selection of no-hassle lunch pots to help office-bound workers feel like they're being healthy. The company obviously feels the Innocent brand is strong enough to branch out into less liquidy foodstuffs, and just as their smoothies are marketed on how many of your "five-a-day" are contained within, so the veg pots go hard and heavy on the potential goodness within your reach. Now you can get three of your "five-a-day" outta-the-way in one microwaveable hot pot, in various tempting varieties ...

The Pitch: From the clean, stylish Innocent website: "Fancy something different for lunch? Why not try an innocent veg pot – a delicious meal made from three portions of veg, wholegrains, or pulses and tasty sauce, with herbs and spices. There are eight delicious recipes to choose from and they're ready in just four minutes." Yeah, yeah, that all sounds accurate but a little boilerplate. The individual descriptions of each flavour are a bit more characterful, like the Indian Daal one: "This new recipe proved a bit tricky in the spelling department. Dahl. Daal. Dal. Spicy stuff made using lentils. We're not exactly sure what the correct spelling is but rest assured, with roasted cauliflower, fresh spinach and an array of Indian spices, it's one lentil dish that's certainly got it all going on (spellchecks, dictionaries and lentil linguistics aside)." That's more like it!

The Packaging: Each pot usually costs around £3.79 but since part of the pitch is the goodness you're getting, the packaging is skimpy enough to allow you to also see what you're buying. The G-string of cardboard surrounding your lunch could easily have skimped on printing quality and information but, as is the Innocent way, they've gone pretty full-on with it ... while the outside has the trademark white background, once you've unhooked the cardboard sleeve you discover a wealth of info, jokes and trivia on the inside. Perhaps aware that you will have at least four minutes to kill while the pot is cookin', Innocent haven't skimped on either colour printing or decent copywriting. They may not have been the first company to introduce whimsy to the necessary trade dress of food products – if you've ever been served a takeout coffee with "Please be careful! I'm hot!" printed on it, you know the deal – but they've always done it with panache. Their on-pack chat is actually so good, they should do Christmas crackers next. Thumbs up!

The Process: For this tasting – which coincided with the recording of an episode of Keep Calm And Curry On, the official TATTGOC podcast (potcast?) – the Tramps secured a brace of Innocent veg pots from their nearest Waitrose. It's unlikely any outlet will carry the full range, but they were able to pick up the Indian Daal variety and added the appealing Thai Curry pot as a control. The cooking method was pretty straightforward: remove all packaging, pop the top and then reapply loosely, then stick it in the microwave for two minutes. Stir. Repeat. Enjoy?

Trampy says: "I have rarely dipped into the world of Innocent smoothies but they make every one of these pots sound absolutely delicious. Even before they were zapped, I was impressed by the heft of each pot, and the prominent leaves in the Thai variety still looked green and tantalising, which seemed like a testament to their freshness. After being cooked up, there's certainly plenty to keep you going. And they taste like they're good for you, but not in that way where you feel you have to just shovel it in to make up for all the entire box of cheese straws you ate the night before. It somehow feels like healthy food to potentially linger over."

The Tramp says: "I obviously knew Innocent from their smoothies and I can see how this would fit in with their company profile. The daal is very tasty and hearty. It's not particularly spicy in terms of heat but it's nicely flavoured and there's plenty in there. It does sort of feel like baby food but maybe people would be weirded out by too much texture in the chickpeas. The Thai curry one was a lot more crunchy and just as tasty. In terms of the price point, I'd say it's realistic for a quick lunch, especially one which is all good for you, really. You'd easily spend that on a sandwich. I also like the tips on the pack about what to do with the pot afterwards, like keeping matches in it when you're sailing on a raft."

The Verdict: Both Tramps gave these filling veg pots a thumbs-up, and while skinflint Trampy was swithering over the price, it's worth pointing out that Waitrose have been doing a regular 2-for-£6 deal, and the Co-Op have also started stocking the pots at a slightly lower price as well. While probably not the best option for those desperate for a super spice kick, the veg pots sampled in this experiment were flavourful and hearty. But since this Tastin' was performed, Innocent have launched a new Bombay Butternut Squash Curry variant that may well warrant a follow-up post, or at least a mention on the podcast. To the microwave!

Do you have a curry-related foodstuff you're launching into the crowded modern marketplace where a recommendation from appropriate enthusiasts might help? If so, drop us an introductory line at trampyandthetramp@trampyandthetramp.com and see YOUR product featured on ... Tastin' With The Tramps!

PREVIOUSLY CONSUMED ON TASTIN' WITH THE TRAMPS
Seabrook's Desi Curry Crisps!
Doritos Fire!
Chilli Papas Spice Mixes!
Fiery Irn-Bru!
Mongoose, Aboot The Hoose!
Waitrose Hot And Fiery Salad!
Anita's Chips!
The Pot Noodle GTi!
Mr Singh's Curry Pies!
The Pot Noodle Fightback!
Mr Singh's Punjabi Chilli Sauce!
McCoy's Vs Golden Wonder!
The Nation's Noodle!
Mr Singh's Bangras!

TATTGOC's New Year Revolutions For 2012

2012-01-05T00:08:00.133Z

There's a hastily-minted TATTGOC tradition of coming up with New Year's resolutions in January, five pledges to improve the Curry Club's lot in some physical or emotional manner. When such a declaration was made last year, it was with the proviso that one of the stated resolutions was a fake-out, a bare-faced lie. But a lot can happen in 12 months and even the Tramps can't rightly remember which one was the dedicated falsehood since practically all of them were unachieved. No matter! Forward! What are TATTGOC's nominal aims for 2012?

1: Get a tandoor

(Click here to read on ...)

Pretty self-explanatory, this; the better to transition from enthusiastic consumers of curry to garlanded creators of it. A proper tandoor out the back of TATTGOC Towers sounds incredibly appealing, and could solve the traditional rice/naan equation effortlessly, in that everyone would just have to have naans. An endless supply of delicious, piping-hot naans. The only hurdle could be cost, but garden tandoors appear to be coming down in price ...

2: Excuse ourselves from the Scottish Curry Awards 2012 Curry Lover of the Year category

Almost exactly this time last year, TATTGOC jokingly pledged to get nominated in the Scottish Curry Awards 2011 "in a category other than Curry Lover of the Year cos you cannae get it twice". This was obviously a gag – what chance would a TATTGOC pop-up curryhouse have compared to Scotland's spicy titans? – but as is often the case, the joke ended up being on the Tramps themselves. Despite not actively campaigning to retain their 2010 Curry Lover title, they still found themselves nominated in the same category. Of course, the 2011 title was won by Tam Cowan. So to prevent heartache, the Tramps pre-emptively withdraw from the 2012 competition. (It would still be nice to be invited to the event as honoured guests though.)

3: Confront the egg curry issue head-on

A hot-potato issue on Keep Calm And Curry On, the official TATTGOC podcast, no subject was more divisive than the topic of egg curry. The Tramp is against it. Trampy is willing to experiment. Ravi Peshwari and others are rigidly militant about it. So the only way to truly settle the issue is to open TATTGOC's well-thumbed edition of the Shish Mahal cookbook and rustle up an Egg Bandaloo. It might be the most earth-shattering – nay, girth-shattering! – Tastin' With The Tramps ever ...

4: Organise a Curry Club outing where the Saffrongettes are officially invited

(Or at least try a bit harder than last year.)

5: Buy a tuk-tuk

Obviously it would be fun to cut about Glasgow in a tuk-tuk. In fact, there's a local cabbie who's got two of them. But the Tramps plan to go one better. After buying and customising the TATTGOC tuk-tuk, they would then drive overland to Mumbai, stopping at various spicy restaurants on the way. It could be a TV show! Like the Hairy Bikers, only more less hairy, less bikey but possibly more sensual. Call us, ITV2!

5.1: Come up with a new "TATTGOC 2012" logo ...

Yep, that clockwork-orange one is awful.

Avanti!

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC NEWS POSTS
Spice Fillers: The Best Of TATTGOC 2011
Pod Cast Ye Merry Gentlemen ... It's Your Special Festive Episode Of Keep Calm And Curry On!
Jingle Is Massive! It's TATTGOC's Curr-istmas Gift Guide 2011 ...
The TATTGOC Podcast Returns! And For Some Reason It's Still Not Called "CHATGOC!!
That Curry Capital 2011 Result In Full ...
Keep Calm And Curry On ... It's The TATTGOC Podcast!!
TATTGOC Salutes: Glasgow Mega Burrito!
"If You've Got A History Book At Home, Take It Out, Throw It In The Bin ... It's Worthless."
Curry Capital 2011: Sizin' Up The Competition
Yeeaaargh! It's Time For Khuhlai Khan's Kurry Klub Khallenge!

Spice Fillers: The Best Of TATTGOC 2011

2011-12-29T00:08:00.173Z

With Hogmanay fast approaching, there's very little of 2011 left. And so it's natural to look back and reflect on the past 12 months. It's been an incident-packed year for TATTGOC, with some births, some marriages, some meths and a substantive uptick in the use of exclamation marks. The Tramps began 2011 hanging on to the last threads of their Scottish Curry Lover(s) Of The Year title, but were unable to retain it (in fact, they were unaware they could even win it again, and so were pretty lax about campaigning).

(Click here to read on ...)

And while the weekly blog updates covered all manner of subjects in breathless, scattershot detail, there were always the monthly curry outings, the very blazin' d'outre of TATTGOC, where our ever-evolving squad of currynauts set out into the Glasgow night to find a dish they have perhaps never tasted before. You should probably just go back to January 2011 and diligently read every single blog in order to relive the magic, but in case you don't have that kind of time, Trampy and The Tramp's have picked out their five favourite weekly posts from 2011. What a year! (!!)

Curry Confessional: The Tramp's Forbidden Love

"Forgive me, curry brothers and sisters, for I have sinned ..." Back in March, The Tramp rolled a spicy grenade into the room by essaying at length his love for that strangest of dishes, the "English" curry. Despite being raised on the authentic stuff from the Shish Mahal, The Tramp has always retained a soft spot for the coconutty, raisiny, banany facsimile of real curry that was popular in the 1970s. He even provided his own recipe! Judas!

From Our Foreign Curryspondent: Tikka MaBaws Picks A Fight With "The World's Most Dangerous Vindaloo"

In 2011, our rag-tag band of Foreign Curryspondents filed reports of curry tasted in foreign climes, from locations as diverse as Hong Kong and Barcelona. But it was prolific curryspondent Tikka MaBaws who went above and beyond the call of duty, as he set aboot "the world's most dangerous vindaloo" at around 4000m above sea level in La Paz. It's a suitably epic tale, and one that requires a strong stomach. Good luck!

For Puris Only: The Lost TATTGOC Primer

In May, the Tramps failed to retain their crown at the Scottish Curry Awards 2011. Some other dude won it. Cannae mind his name. But being nominated for Curry Lovers Of The Year gave the Tramps a second opportunity to try and sum up the whole crazy world of TATTGOC in just a hot minute. This 60-second primer, sadly unaired on the night, was what they came up with, and it still stands as a symbolic distillation of the TATTGOC "ethos", such as it is. (There was also a "dance remix".)

REVIEW: Wake Up And Smell The Cafe

There were many memorable TATTGOC outings, including an early stop-off at Cafe Salma and a double visit to Punjabi's. But the one that truly stands out is the September visit to Cafe Serena on the Southside. Perhaps it's because there were so many Curry Clubbers in attendance, ensuring a lively level of chat all night. Perhaps it was because of the beer everyone tanned beforehand. But mostly it was because this relatively unassuming diner put together a fantastic feast. Rabbie Shankar described his chicken karahi as "the best I've ever tasted". What a night!

Keep Calm And Curry On ... It's The TATTGOC Podcast!!

In October, the Tramps launched their latest multimedia assault on the unsuspecting world of curry with the first episode of Keep Calm And Curry On, the official TATTGOC podcast. So far, there have been three instalments of this pathbreaking soundclash series, and for those who find the proper blog simply "too much hassle" to read, the audio version is a much more soothing delivery system. Watch out for episode four, dropping early in 2012. And have a good new year, y'all!

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC NEWS POSTS
Pod Cast Ye Merry Gentlemen ... It's Your Special Festive Episode Of Keep Calm And Curry On!

Jingle Is Massive! It's TATTGOC's Curr-istmas Gift Guide 2011 ...
The TATTGOC Podcast Returns! And For Some Reason It's Still Not Called "CHATGOC!!
That Curry Capital 2011 Result In Full ...
Keep Calm And Curry On ... It's The TATTGOC Podcast!!
TATTGOC Salutes: Glasgow Mega Burrito!
"If You've Got A History Book At Home, Take It Out, Throw It In The Bin ... It's Worthless."
Curry Capital 2011: Sizin' Up The Competition
Yeeaaargh! It's Time For Khuhlai Khan's Kurry Klub Khallenge!
Last Chance To Vote For Your Favourite Glasgow Curryhouse ...

REVIEW: Polo Loungin'

2011-12-22T00:07:00.003Z

Killermont Polo Club, Maryhill Road

The Time: December 15, 8.30pm

Booking Name: John McClane

The Place Aforehand: The First And Last, Maryhill Road

In Attendance: Trampy, The Tramp, The Bulldosa, Rogan Josh Homme, The Duke, Rabbie Shankar, Sir Spicy Lover, Bobo Balti, Ravi Peshari, Rumpole Of The Balti and Makhni Knife.

Decor: A large, lovely detached house set back off Maryhill Road, the Killermont Polo Club is as classy as its name suggests, with various rooms decorated with polo paraphernalia. It genuinely feels more like a club than a restaurant, despite the big buffet bubbling away in one of the main reception rooms.

Expectations: A few Curry Clubbers had experience of this Glasgow stalwart; New York-based foreign curryspondent Martin Jalrezi had even reviewed it for a local paper before he left for The New World. The general consensus was that this was a classy joint with a rich history, and therefore the perfect place for TATTGOC’s combined third birthday/fourth Xmas bash.

The Experience:

Timing is everything. The Curry Club learned that the hard way earlier this month, when the third birthday/fourth Christmas party coincided with the arrival of Hurricane Bawbag, therefore stymieing the much-anticipated bacchanal. The weather was certainly better a week later, as Trampy, The Tramp and an elite scouting party headed to Maryhill by train, only to discover their connection had been cancelled. A short taxi trip later, they finally arrived at The First And Last – so-called because it’s the first pub you hit coming from Milngavie and the last pub on Maryhill Road – only to discover they had missed the opportunity for some free pints of Caledonia Best, the new brew from Tennent’s, by a matter of minutes. Again, timing is everything.

(Click here to read on ...)

But on such a special night, the universe slowly realigned and clicked into lockstep with the whims of TATTGOC. Having been founded in November 2008, birthday and Christmas celebrations had always been close together, and this was the year the Tramps simply decided to smush them both together, skimming the best impromptu traditions from both. So, as usual, each Curry Clubber was expected to wear a tie – nay, an actual suit! – the usual strict criteria about where to go would be festively relaxed (you could make a convincing argument that the Killermont Polo Club is a Glasgow institution) and there would also be the traditional rummage through Santa's bulging sack, a highlight of Chrimbo parties past.

Over time, The First And Last filled up with the full complement of ten besuited currynauts, exchanging stories of windy woe and supping Tennent’s, whisky and even some Caledonia Best. To the untrained eye, the assembled corps perhaps looked like they had recently appeared before the beak, and were happily toasting their continued liberty. Or perhaps they were simply marking the completion of a Grattan catalogue menswear photoshoot. (“Look! A yacht!”) Squint a little, and it could almost be a grown-up Blazin’ Squad making a Burton-supported bid for man-band stardom. And to look at them, you wouldn’t expect them to know much about the traditional sport of polo. But that wasn’t gonna stop them tramping to the nearby Polo Club en masse.

As gimmicks go, adopting the old-fashioned preppiness and implied privilege of polo is a pretty good one, and it suits the Killermont Polo Club, which almost looks like a country club with its massive car park and welcoming awning. The Curry Club had booked for ten although there was a slim chance that The Bulldosa would attend in time – and had a dining room practically to themselves, seated around a configuration of a rectangular and round tables that looked like ... well, let’s just say it looked like a lollipop. After a little kerfuffle over the dining options – the Tramps had set their sights on a fixed festive menu rather than the buffet, situated in another wing – an order for a round of Cobras was placed, and the assembled began assessing their choices while snacking on poppadoms and spiced onions. (In a rare social mis-step, Rumpole Of The Balti managed to dollop some onions on his jade “plate”, only to belatedly realise it's function was as more of a plate-holder.)

Usually, the Tramps order up a starter selection to be shared but in this merry instance, every Clubber could go ahead and order a dish all for themselves. Initally confused and a little frightened, eventually the curry younglings found their feet, ordering everything from a mixed tikka selection to a chicken puri and lots of fish pakora. Just as the ordering was about to conclude, The Bulldosa burst in like Richard Hannay, having escaped from another Christmas party. He took his rightful place at the base of the ... lollipop. With the starter finalised, talk turned to the main courses, and among the selection of classics, there was some chatter about who would order some of the more unfamiliar offerings, such as chicken lababdar and lamb koh-e-evad. As each currynaut confirmed his selection, the Tramps debated the rice-naan equation for 11, and eventually went for six naans and five portions of rice, jumping on the chance to hold Makhni Knife up for ridicule when he sheepishly requested at least one portion of boiled rice. For what is Curry Club without some (rogan) joshing?

While all this was going on, there was a constant soundtrack of contemporary pop-rock from female artists, causing some to hazard a guess at the album on the stereo. It sounded very much like a VH1 Divas affair, and was not unpleasant. While tucking into the starters – with The Tramp’s substantial chicken puri a standout, although the mixed tikka and tandoori salmon got the thumbs up as well – the playlist began to jump back in time to more classic sounds from the 1980s, prompting an unexpected and impressively prolonged table-wide conversation about the evergreen Now That’s What I Call Music! compilation franchise. Perhaps not coincidentally, it overlapped with a conversation attempting to work out the youngest and oldest members of Curry Club – with relative stripling The Bulldosa heading to Big London in the new year, there would be a new babyface crowned. A good technique to gauge the rough age of someone is to ask what was there first Now! compilation, although one bluff member with a distinctive laugh clearly misunderstood the question and began talking at length about witnessing the rambunctious Parisien premiere of Stravinsky’s The Rite Of Spring in 1913.

While most Curry Clubbers had evocative memories of Now 4 and Now 5, a passing challenge to remember the tracks on the very first edition of the franchise in 1983 turned into an extended You Bet!-style showcase for Bobo Balti who, with The Tramp acting as quizmaster, correctly identified almost every track from the seminal double-album, including tracks from Madness, Culture Club and Kajagoogoo/Limahl. Talk about a Christmas miracle! By then, the main dishes – with an accompanying flotilla of naans and rice – were arriving, and despite one wrinkle (The Tramp’s request for a lamb lababdar had got lost in the shuffle, leaving him with the chicken variety) it looked like a hearty Christmas feast, with nary a sprout in sight.

With a decent amount of heat, the chilli garlic chicken was excellent, and dishes of koh-e-evad were passed around for those wanting to fill the gaps in their curry knowledge. Favouring naans over rice almost backfired, as towards the end of the meal rice became a precious commodity to be traded along the table, but in the end, everyone was entirely sated, and there was still some food left. It was at this point that The Bulldosa revealed that he had already had a three-course meal as part of his earlier Christmas party, but had enthusiastically taken the opportunity to have a second feast in a short time period. Such dedication!

After ordering dessert and some coffees – a rarity at Curry Club, but in keeping with the festive theme – it was time for Santa’s stocking, a TATTGOC tradition that also serves as a framing metaphor for the entire Curry Club. Rummage blind through a selection of intriguing prizes, only to pull one out and be sorely disappointed. A mix of books, DVDs, albums and comestibles, there seemed to be some overall design at work amongs the randomness. After demonstrating his superior pop knowledge, Bobo Balti pulled out a copy of the Sugababes’ debut album One Touch, a true pop classic. Rumpole Of The Balti was less fortunate, pulling out a large box only to discover it was clowns jigsaw. Rogan Josh Homme demonstrated his tactile awareness by bagsying the obligatory Toblerone. But we should all pity the Clubber who tried to better themselves by selecting a book, only to discover it was the James Rollins’s uncelebrated novelisation of Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull.

Traditionally, there’s also a prize for the Curry Clubber who managed to spill the most curry on their tie but after a rigorous check, it turned out all those in attendance had managed to avoid any accidents. The Tramps unilaterally decided to award the title to Rumpole Of The Balti, since the prize – a magazine biography of beloved steeplejack Fred Dibnah – would be of particular interest to him. Finally, belatedly, after chipping their way through rock solid mint ice-cream and somehow finding space for chocolate fudge cake, there was a toast. To the weddings and births that had blessed Curry Club members that year. To The Bulldosa, on potentially his final Curry Club. To the Killermont Polo Club, for a fantastic feast. And finally, to the brotherhood itself. Cheers!

Range Of Drinks: Tennent’s, Cobra, and a comprehensive bar.

Highlights: Fantastic starters, excellent choice among the fixed menu and a generally sophisticated atmosphere heightened – or perhaps undimmed – by the Curry Club’s presence.

Lowlights: A little menu confusion, quickly resolved.

The Verdict: A festive experience!

The Damage: £251.50 (tip £28.50)

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC OUTINGS

Nakodar, Annfield Place
Cafe Serena, Maxwell Road
Punjabi Charing Cross

The Khyber, nr Shields Road

Punjabi, Paisley Road West
Rasoi, Partick Cross

Agra, Anniesland
Cafe Salma, Charing Cross
Kabana, Seaward Street

The Shenaz, Charing Cross

Pod Cast Ye Hairy Gentlemen ... It's Your Special Festive Episode Of Keep Calm And Curry On!

2011-12-15T00:09:00.086Z

Let nothing you dismay, remember Christ our saviour was born on Christmas Day! In other words, it's rapidly approaching December 25 and that means a special festive edition of the nation's foremost curry podcast, Keep Calm And Curry On, featuring regular hosts Trampy and The Tramp opining about all that's spicy in the world. So please, don't be dismayed, even though neither of them were born on Christmas Day.

In the nominally festive episode three of Keep Calm And Curry On, the Tramps turn a self-aggrandising eye on why the recent TATTGOC 3rd birthday/4th Christmas meet-up had to be abandoned, wonder aloud whether haggis pakora is Scotland's ultimate fusion dish, review the sassy new Glasgow diner Mama's Rasoi and argue the toss over the merits of egg curry with the help of the TATTGOC massive. Hard-boiled!

To finish up, our burly hosts smooth things out to the sitar sounds of Okko Bekker while simultaneously trying not to raise the ire of God of Destruction Shiva in The Tramp's Jukebox Puri. It's almost an hour of spicy awesomeness, and you should be able to experience the soothing sonic vibrations in the embedded Mixcloud player below RIGHT NOW.

Keep Calm And Curry On – Episode 3: Chrimbo Slice by Keepcalmandcurryon on Mixcloud

It will be a while, possibly forever, before KCACO officially turns up on iTunes. So if the embedded player above isn't doing it for you, you can:

DOWNLOAD THE MP3: Here!

LISTEN ON MIXCLOUD: Here!

Incredibly, the Tramps still haven't employed their beloved reggaton airhorn on the podcast yet, so that's a resolution for 2012 ...

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC NEWS POSTS

Jingle Is Massive! It's TATTGOC's Curr-istmas Gift Guide 2011 ...

2011-12-08T00:01:00.004Z

It's the most wonderful time of the year! But along with all the joys to the world, ding-dongs merrily on high and weather systems outside that are indeed frightful, Christmas can also mean a not-inconsiderable amount of stress. So what should you get the curry lover in your life to ensure they have a suitably stuffed stocking? Sit down, pour yourself a hefty Whisky Mac and relax because, as ever, TATTGOC has got your back. It's time for Trampy and The Tramp's now bi-annual Christmas gift guide! So look out your credit card details, buy some gaudy gift tags from Poundland and let your fingers do the walking, as we guide you all the way from cheeky stocking fillers to eye-wateringly expensive status symbols ...

(Click here whether you've been naughty or nice ...)

Chilli Papas Spice Mixes!

Recently reviewed on this very blog, Chilli Papas range of spice mixes are the perfect stocking filler: colourful, inexpensive and potentially life-improving. If you're fed up of your curry-loving friend ordering takeaway all the time, nudge them towards entering the world of actual cooking with the easy-to-follow recipes from Chilli Papas. Before long, they'll be ganting to get a back-garden tandoor so they can do their own naans as well ...

Perfect for: The curry lover in your life, who could maybe cook a bit more.
How much? £1.99 for two mixes, or £10 for a selection.
Where from? Get 'em from the Chilli Papas eBay store.

Mr Singh's Punjabi Chilli Sauce!

Another former Tastin' With The Tramps candidate, Mr Singh's Chilli Sauce is piquant, delicious and versatile. The traditional but forward-looking family-run company have long perfected their punjabi chilli sauce recipe so have recently been experimenting with an even spicier "black label" variant. Stick it in a stocking to give it some considerable spicy heft, and don't be surprised if it's cracked open when the turkey breast gets handed round. (Not even Mr Singh's can save sprouts, though.)

Perfect for: The saucy lover in your life.
How much? £2 a jar, or three for £5.
Where from? Get 'em from the website, or search for your nearest stockist.

Compass Box Spice Tree Whisky!

India might be getting into the whisk(e)y game with the Amrut Single Malt, but for something a bit closer to home, you couldn't do better than Spice Tree, part of the signature range of blended malt whiskies from Edinburgh-based Compass Box. It doesn't taste of curry, of course, but it does have a spicier nose and body than most malts, and has an incredibly interesting story behind it (in a nutshell, Compass Box launched it in 2005 and were forced to stop making it in 2006 after the Scotch Whisky Association took umbrage at their secondary maturation technique – the full fascinating tale is available on the website.) A beautifully-produced whisky, Spice Tree recently went through an unofficial Tastin' With The Tramps at the hands of Trampy and The Duke, and while some of the memories are hazy, they are all warm.

Perfect for: The dedicated spirit lover in your life.
How much? £37 or thereabouts.
Where from? Get it from the Compass Box online shop, or specialists Quel Vin in Glasgow.

Mr Singh's India Haggis Pakora Class!

Not content with introducing the world to their more-ish curry pie, Glasgow institution Mr Singh's India also does an hour-long masterclass where one of their skilled in-house chefs will talk you through the process of making their rightly-famous haggis pakora. After getting set aboot the haggis and batter, you can then discuss your experience and technique over the (included) three-course meal. Unlike skydiving, it's the sort of gift where you should really go along as well, y'know, just to share the experience ...

Perfect for: The hands-on lover in your life.
How much? £69.95 per head, but watch out for online deals.
Where from? Sign 'em up at the Mr Singh's website (details under the "Videos" heading).

East India Company Spice Box/Empire Trunk!

Relaunched last year after a considerable furlough, the East India Company has a long and distinguished history – it was established in 1600 by Queen Elizabeth I – and this year has a long and increasingly expensive range of fine foods for wannabe gourmands everywhere. After browsing the extensive online catalogue, the Tramps had their heads turned by The Chilli Box, a £40 package that includes spice biscuits, marmalade, chilli jelly and more. But if you were feeling particularly flash, the East India Company does a savings-torpedoing Queen Elizabeth I Empire Trunk stuffed with biscuits, preserves, fine china, vintage wine, travel sweets and other royaltastic stuff. (The picture detail above is from the similarly stuffed Fortune Empire Trunk, a relative snip at £550.)

Perfect for: The luxury lover in your life.
How much? From £18 to £3500.
Where from? From the flagship store in Mayfair, or online

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC NEWS POSTS
The TATTGOC Podcast Returns! And For Some Reason It's Still Not Called "CHATGOC!!
That Curry Capital 2011 Result In Full ...
Keep Calm And Curry On ... It's The TATTGOC Podcast!!
TATTGOC Salutes: Glasgow Mega Burrito!
"If You've Got A History Book At Home, Take It Out, Throw It In The Bin ... It's Worthless."
Curry Capital 2011: Sizin' Up The Competition
Yeeaaargh! It's Time For Khuhlai Khan's Kurry Klub Khallenge!
Last Chance To Vote For Your Favourite Glasgow Curryhouse ...
Vow Wow Wow: Raisin' A Glass To TATTGOC's Happy Couples!
Gluttonous Maximus: INDIAN EPIC MEAL TIME

Tastin' With The Tramps: Seabrook's Desi Curry Crisps!

2011-12-01T00:11:00.230Z

(Click here to read on ...)

The Product: Seabrook's is a fine, long-established firm, originally from ... haud on a second! The Seabrook company originated in Bradford, newly-crowned Curry Capital 2011! Is there nothing this city cannot do? Anyway, Seabrook Crisps recently celebrated their 65th anniversary, but back in 2007 they launched a Hot And Spicy range of their distinctive crinkle-cut crisps. The Hot And Spicy range has just expanded to include a Desi Curry variety, which set TATTGOC's spice sensors a-tingling. After a friendly email approach, Seabrook's were kind enough to send up a box of Desi Curry crisps – and even threw in a few packs of the Wasabi flavour, since two of our proposed tasters were recently back from a lengthy spell in Japan. It should be pointed out that this particular Tastin' coincided with "Walter Wednesday", an all-day marathon of Walter Hill movies curated and hosted by The Tramp, hence the projected images of Extreme Prejudice. Otherwise, you will find no prejudice here ...

The Pitch: While you might assume that Walkers totally dominates the UK crisps market, Seabrook's were officially the fastest-growing UK crisp brand in 2009. The long-running company is canny enough to harness the power of nostalgia – an informal survey shows that most folk remember getting their first bag of Seabrook's at eight years old after swimming practice, probably paired with a carton of Ribena – but they have also been pro-active at putting their stamp on new markets. Instead of featuring just one hot flavour, Seabrook's have an entire Hot And Spicy range, which includes mustard, Chinese and double chilli variants. And, of course, the other thing they've got going for them is the unique ridged texture of their crisps, which always seems to be lighter and yet more flavourful than the norm.

The Packaging: On traditional Seabrook's packs, the company name and logo was front and centre, with a transparent window so you could see the actual product. Things are slightly different now, with the "Hot And Spicy" trade dress on each pack being noticeably larger than the flavour information, and that old Seabrook logo positioned slightly smaller, but surrounded by flames to make sure you get the idea. One thing that isn't obvious from these pictures is that the packets themselves feel a little different – thicker than their rivals, although not quite wandering into brown-paper Brannigans territory. But what did our team of tasters think?

Trampy says: "My first experience of Seabrook's crisps was while doing a paper round, inherited from notable TATTGOC alumnus Lime Pickle. It wasn't quite canna have a coupla packets of Tudor oot ma wages, but a reasonable amount of my pitiful pay packet went on those flavourful, distinctively crinkle-cut crisps. This was well before the Hot And Spicy range came into being, and I'm pleased to report that the Desi Curry is probably the best curry crisp I've enjoyed as part of this grand, ongoing crisp experiment. The Wasabi wisnae bad either."

The Tramp says: "It says on the back of the pack that these crisps would send Mr Seabrook, the founder of the company, running for a jug of water and while I think he would have been able to take it, they do have a bit of spice to them. It's nothing to be alarmed about, though, and I would probably buy the Desi Curry again if I saw it on the shelf."

Extreme Prejucrisp with Korma, Makhni and Rogan

Makhni Knife says: "I disagree, I think the curry flavour is a bit forgettable, it just feels a bit dusted-on. But I really like the wasabi flavour. My own personal taste now leans toward hotter, because while I was living in Japan I was building up a tolerance to wasabi and ended up taking quite a lot of it with my sushi. I like the peculiarly nasal burn you get after it. So I would actually seek out these crisps and recommend them to others."

Obligatory arty shot

Korma Chameleon says: "I liked the wasabi but while they initially seemed authentically tasting and hot, I didn't think there was much of an aftertaste. But crinkle-cut crisps are my favourite, and I think these might actually go down quite well in Japan, because they don't sell crinkle-cut crisps over there. In fact, all their crisps are rubbish."

Rogan Josh Homme says: "I liked the Desi Curry crisps, they were tasty, although I would say they were more spicy than hot. The wasabi crisps had a bit more burn to them. Maybe the wasabi would be good to try along with some beef flavour crisps?"

The Verdict: Everyone agreed that Extreme Prejudice was a competent but ultimately inconsequential entry in Walter Hill's booming action canon ... but there was also a general thumbs-up for Seabrook's crisps, possibly amplified by the fact that they were light but properly tasty, rather than the usual mass-market mulch or mouth-wreckingly sharp farmer's market fare. The Hot And Spicy range is available in Tesco, Asda, Spar and even the odd One-O-One offy.

So it's a hearty TATTGOC salute to Seabrook's. And another spicy feather in the cap for the city of Bradford ... can it do no wrong?

Do you have a curry-related foodstuff you're launching into the crowded modern marketplace where a recommendation from appropriate enthusiasts might help? If so, drop us an introductory line at trampyandthetramp@trampyandthetramp.com and see YOUR product featured on ... Tastin' With The Tramps!

PREVIOUSLY CONSUMED ON TASTIN' WITH THE TRAMPS
Doritos Fire!
Chilli Papas Spice Mixes!
Fiery Irn-Bru!
Mongoose, Aboot The Hoose!
Waitrose Hot And Fiery Salad!
Anita's Chips!
The Pot Noodle GTi!
Mr Singh's Curry Pies!
The Pot Noodle Fightback!
Mr Singh's Punjabi Chilli Sauce!
McCoy's Vs Golden Wonder!
The Nation's Noodle!
Mr Singh's Bangras!

Tastin' With The Tramps: Doritos Fire!

2011-11-24T00:04:00.001Z

(Click here to read on ...)

The Product: Of all the many foodstuffs featured in Tastin' With The Tramps, one towers above all others: potted noodles. But there's also been a lot of crisps, including McCoy's, Golden Wonder and the unusually flavourful Anita's Chips. In fact, Lady Gaga fans might whimsically call it an ongoing "bag romance" (there's some super-hot Seabrooks in the pipeline too). So as the nation's palate gravitates towards spicier offerings, it's perhaps not surprising that the most popular tortilla chip brand should try and make some in-roads too. Doritos already had a "Chilli Heatwave" flavour out there, but now they've gone full-bore flamin' with Doritos Fire ... their hottest chip yet, thanks to the awesome power of jalapenos. But how best to introduce it to the public?

The Pitch: It's not easy carving out shelf space in the competitive snack market. And mass marketing campaigns are mighty expensive, so Doritos cannily split the cost of launching Doritos Fire – presumably in half – by teaming up with Pepsi, who were launching a new Pepsi Max Citrus Freeze flavour. Fire ... and ice! A match made in synergy marketing heaven! And one that lends itself to a highly elaborate advertising campaign, based around newly-minted superheroes Firefingers and Icefist. This TV spot will give you the "gist":

Confession time: way before all of this started, Doritos – or at least an energetic, self-aware marketing company acting on behalf of Doritos – got in touch with TATTGOC with advance warning of the campaign, and followed up by sending over a superhero crate containing bags of Doritos Fire, bottles of Pepsi Max Citrus Freeze, some "invisibility glasses" and a DVD of Mark Millar's homebrew superhero movie Kick-Ass. (There was also an additional special item enclosed.)

The Burn Identity ... Jack Scoville IS Firefingers!

So far, so pandering-attempt-to-get-influential-bloggers-on-board. But while this sort of buzz marketing tends to be at best cynical and at worst cack-handed, the Firefingers and Icefist campaign manages to be slick and goofy at the same time. TATTGOC's normally rigid anti-PR armour cracked just a little when they first realised Firefingers' doughy civilian alter-ego was called Jack Scoville, a nod to the famous piquance scale.

Apologies to non-comics fans, but we're going to go quite deep into superhero stuff for a second. One of the key parts of the campaign is a two-part motion comic, introducing the elemental brace of heroes. And, astonishingly, it's better than Brian Michael Bendis and Alex Maleev's much-ballyhooed Spider-Woman motion comic, which was Marvel's first proper attempt at the form. Sure, it's a marketing tool, but it's been put together with enough humour (notably a secretary-turned-supervillain called Holepunch who insists you remain stationary) and respect for the form (the duo's pokey "Shedquarters" has an interactive cutaway drawing, just like Jack Kirby's Baxter Building in Fantastic Four issue six). And it's actually pretty subversive, since the overarching threat is – SPOILER ALERT! – a pop star trying to brainwash the world with cloying music. Considering how often Pepsi have used zeitgeisty musicians to punt their own sugary pop, the comic is almost seditious. As well as delicious.

(For non-comic geeks, there's also a competition to win trips to Vegas and Iceland, and an app to "superhero" yourself. It appears to be working, with around 3500 "talking about" Doritos on Facebook, whatever that actually means.)

The Packaging: Enough marketing jibber-jabber! What does it actually look like? We're not sure how "black background with red or white writing" became the retail shorthand for fiery products, but that's the situation we find ourselves in, with prominent examples being Mr Singh's Bangras and the Bombay Bad Boy. But Doritos Fire at least does it with some panache, evoking the vibe of a 1980s action movie with a proper ouchey-ouchey-burny-burny-lickin'-flames logo.

So. An elaborate pitch, a hot product ... what did the Tramps and guest taster The Duke think?

Trampy Says: "I don't usually buy Doritos because they are so heavily flavoured that they totally overpower whatever meal I'm using them as the vegetable for. Even Findus Crispy Pancakes struggle to compete with Tangy Cheese Doritos on the side, amirite? These ones are on a whole new level, though ... a striking, slightly undefinable first taste followed by a proper, lingering heat. It's a sensation I'm unfamiliar with, and the first instinct is to ram in some more Doritos just to see what will happen. I'm sneakily impressed they've brought such an extreme product to market. And I salute all the superhero stuff. Well done."

The Tramp says: "I'm not a huge fan of tortilla chips, and if I do get them I tend to just get plain ones. But these are good, with a noticeable heat and nice lingering taste. And they are quite moreish, I've been back to the bowl a few times. I'm almost tempted to try them with the Pepsi Max Citrus Freeze to see if they really go together, it's such a strong taste it would be interesting to see what actually does go with it. And obviously we're going through a boom time for superheroes, so all the marketing stuff is a good idea, a wise thing to jump onto. My final thoughts are: fiery."

The Duke says: "They were surprisingly reminiscent of Pickled Onion Monster Munch in the first instance, which I didn't expect. And they're actually hot. There are far too many crisps these days that are tangy but not genuinely hot. These ones have a good strong, long afterburn. Lightly Salted are usually my Doritos of choice but these are pretty good. I would buy them again."

The Verdict: Whilst all three panellists were puzzled by the Monster Munchiness of the first bite (which then became a burny aftertaste) there was a general thumbs-up for Doritos Fire. For if you are obliged to have a big bag of social snacks that everyone can share, why not get a brand with a bit more kick to it?

Oh yeah, that "special item" in the superhero crate? It was a hand-drawn illustration of the Tramps in their self-suggested superhero guise "The Vinda-Two' ... and we think it looks pretty awesome. Check out the fire whip! And those determined expressions! Beautiful, beautiful work that captures the essence of our blog. Contracted, necessarily anonymous artist ... TATTGOC salutes you.

Do you have a curry-related foodstuff you're launching into the crowded modern marketplace where a recommendation from appropriate enthusiasts might help? If so, drop us an introductory line at trampyandthetramp@trampyandthetramp.com and see YOUR product featured on ... Tastin' With The Tramps!

PREVIOUSLY CONSUMED ON TASTIN' WITH THE TRAMPS
Chilli Papas Spice Mixes!
Fiery Irn-Bru!
Mongoose, Aboot The Hoose!
Waitrose Hot And Fiery Salad!
Anita's Chips!
The Pot Noodle GTi!
Mr Singh's Curry Pies!
The Pot Noodle Fightback!
Mr Singh's Punjabi Chilli Sauce!
McCoy's Vs Golden Wonder!
The Nation's Noodle!
Mr Singh's Bangras!

Tastin' With The Tramps: Chilli Papas Spice Mixes!

2011-11-17T00:07:00.261Z

(Click here to read on ...)

The Product: A sprightly start-up based in Dunfermline, Chilli Papas offers spice mixes in various varieties, and the company makes much of the fact that they provide a way of making oil-free curries with straightforward recipes. For less than £2, you get two premixed spice sachets, each containing a proprietary mix of cumin, coriander, turmeric, chilli powder and whatnot. The current range includes two types of vindaloo, a yellow curry mix, a mandalay curry and a 2-in1 Tikka Masala (the one Trampy is gonna get busy with). And let's face it, considering some of the current news stories swirling around about curry sauce in jars, maybe spice mixes are the way to go ...

Ingredients ... assemble!

The Pitch: From the engaging Chilli Papas website: "Blending fresh spices, Chilli Papas encourage you to cook a curry full of flavour from scratch using fresh ingredients. If you love curries but can’t or won’t cook, Chilli Papas has devised a product that will tantalise your taste buds but is simple to cook, quick to cook and easy to eat. It’s so easy, our kids help us cook it!" Yep, but can a kitchen naif like Trampy manage?

Adding the tomato puree ...

The Packaging: Chilli Papas is primarily a mail-order company, so while the packaging is attractively colourful, it's also cannily compact, with the recipe card handily enclosing the two spicy sachets. On the reverse, a list of the ingredients you'll need to put together a curry. On the inside, a relatively easy to follow recipe. Efficient all round ...

Just after adding some creme fraiche, rice on the go too ...

The Process: One of the most appealing things about Chilli Papas is that once you've rounded up all the ingredients – in the case of Tikka Masala, these included onion, garlic, ginger, meat, a stock cube, natural yoghurt and some tomato puree – the method is really just a case of chopping them up and sticking them all in a big pot, until your meat (in this case, chicken breasts from the awesome KRK) has cooked through. There is certainly no oil involved, although clueless chef Trampy was at one point a little confused as to whether the stock cube was to be crumbled in or mixed up and added as part of the 300ml water. (In the end, he just crumbled it in.)

Plated up, with some coriander on top

The original Tikka Masala recipe called for natural yoghurt toward the end of the recipe, but Trampy added creme fraiche in a pinch, and it still created the familiar, slightly soupy sauce. For half-an-hour's cookin', it looked pretty authentic, even though Trampy burnt the bottom of the basmati rice and resorted to microwaving the pre-bought chapattis. But what would "The Tramp" – in this case, willing stunt double and Foreign Curryspondent Makhni Knife – make of it all?

Trampy says: "Though I'm not the cooking half of TATTGOC, I was delighted when Chilli Papas sent over some unsolicited curry spice mixes ... and feel a little guilty that it's taken this long for us to properly try them out. As a fearful chef, I was instantly attracted to the idea of oil-free cooking and just bunging the majority of ingredients into a pan, but also concerned at how it might impact on the final result. In the end, it all seemed to work out to the good. After experiencing reasonable success with this Tikka Masala, I might return to try one of the Vindaloos. Now, if only I could do rice properly ..."

Makhni Knife says: "It does tastes like a real Glasgow Tikka Masala. And it doesn't taste like some pastes or jars that you can buy ... it's not gloopy or bland, there are some real flavours in it. I happened to be extremely hungry when I ate it, but I did genuinely enjoy it. For a dinner made at home, it seems pretty good, even if not quite restaurant quality. However, I will go on the record to say that this dish, this particular Tikka Masala, is immeasurably superior to any dish that The Tramp has ever cooked for me. And not just because Trampy is making me say that."

The Verdict: Clean karahi dishes all round suggest that this Tastin', even without The Tramp, was a success. Both participants were used to slightly hotter curries, so there was some chat about potentially including an extra sachet – such as one found in Salt'n'Shake crisps – to make the curry hotter, but since Chilli Papas already offer two varieties of Vindaloo, they probably feel like they have that potential market covered. In any case, the recipe clearly proved idiot-proof. So if you'd like to support Scottish company Chilli Papas, head on over to their website and try it for yourself.

PREVIOUSLY CONSUMED ON TASTIN' WITH THE TRAMPS
Fiery Irn-Bru!
Mongoose, Aboot The Hoose!
Waitrose Hot And Fiery Salad!
Anita's Chips!
The Pot Noodle GTi!
Mr Singh's Curry Pies!
The Pot Noodle Fightback!
Mr Singh's Punjabi Chilli Sauce!
McCoy's Vs Golden Wonder!
The Nation's Noodle!
Mr Singh's Bangras!

The TATTGOC Podcast Returns! And For Some Reason It's Still Not Called "CHATGOC"!!

2011-11-10T00:01:00.009Z

Less than a month after rocking the international podcasting community to its white-earbudded core with the thrilling debut of Keep Calm And Curry On, the Tramps are back, Back, BACK with another pulse-pounding podcast. Usually, folk get better at performing technical tasks through repetition but, as ever, the Tramps are ploughing their own idiosyncratic furrow by releasing a follow-up episode where the sound quality is perhaps even more variable. Blame the insistent internal fan of Trampy's wheezy MacBook, then try and tune it out.

Still! On the Keep Calm And Curry On agenda in Episode 2: our burly newshounds have what will most likely be the final word on Curry Capital 2011 and also have time to cast an eye over the rise of pop-up curryhouses in Scotland. The Tramps also reminisce about their amazing visit to Mother India earlier this year. And, in The Burning Question, they not only broach the subject of whether the sudden explosion of curry cocktails is hot or not, but actually create their own ready-made classic curry-inspired beverage, seemingly on the spot (or not).

All that, and there's still room for The Tramp's Jukebox Puri, featuring a sitar-led Burt Bacharach cover from Bill Plummer and his in-no-way-terrifying papier-mache pals. It's roughly 45 minutes of spicy awesomeness, and you should be able to experience the soothing sonic vibrations in this embedded Mixcloud player RIGHT NOW.

It may still be a wee while before KCACO officially turns up on iTunes. So if the embedded player above isn't doing it for you, you can:

DOWNLOAD THE MP3: Here!

LISTEN ON MIXCLOUD: Here!

Incredibly, the Tramps haven't employed their beloved reggaton airhorn on the podcast yet, but it'll most likely turn up on the next one ...

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC NEWS POSTS
That Curry Capital 2011 Result In Full ...
Keep Calm And Curry On ... It's The TATTGOC Podcast!!
TATTGOC Salutes: Glasgow Mega Burrito!
"If You've Got A History Book At Home, Take It Out, Throw It In The Bin ... It's Worthless."
Curry Capital 2011: Sizin' Up The Competition
Yeeaaargh! It's Time For Khuhlai Khan's Kurry Klub Khallenge!
Last Chance To Vote For Your Favourite Glasgow Curryhouse ...
Vow Wow Wow: Raisin' A Glass To TATTGOC's Happy Couples!
Gluttonous Maximus: INDIAN EPIC MEAL TIME
Those English Curry Awards 2011 Winners In Full ...

That Curry Capital 2011 Result In Full ...

2011-11-03T00:31:00.140Z

And so, after every vote had been counted and all the judges had rendered their verdict, it came to pass that at noon on November 1, Bradford was crowned Curry Capital 2011. (A result that was rather vaguely predicted by this very blog, and generally disregarded in this totally excellent newspaper article.) For Glasgow, holder of the Curry Capital 2010 title, being beaten back into second place was a slightly bitter pilau to swallow. But after claiming the title four times in the decade-long, stop-start history of the title, there are still many reasons for TATTGOC's home to be proud in 2011. While it feels like weasel words to insist that Glasgow remains the Curry Capital of Scotland (although Edinburgh placed a very creditable fifth), it is definitely worth pointing out that thanks to the combined efforts of Glasgow City Council and the restaurant team of Slumdog, KoolBa, Kama Sutra and The Neelim, our fair city raised the most money for The Curry Tree Charitable Fund for the second year in a row ...

Some excellent Curry Capital concept art by James Hart

But it was Bradford that eventually triumphed, buoyed by a committed campaign and a new Guinness World Record for creating an enormous onion bhaji, put together by the forward-thinking, headline-grabbing Bradford College International Food Academy: their 102.2kg monster bhaji beat the previous world record by 18kg. And after placing third last year, Wolverhampton retained their position thanks to their own dedicated website, an engaging Twitter feed and, as previously noted on this blog, a silver bullet in the form of a Curry Capital anthem. In total, 17 cities took part, and the top ten breaks down something like this:

1st: Bradford (2nd last year)
2nd: Glasgow (1st last year)
3rd: Wolverhampton (3rd last year)

4th: Leicester
5th: Edinburgh
6th: Newcastle
7th: Birmingham
8th: Manchester
9th: Nottingham
Joint 10th: Cardiff/Sheffield

The trophies for the winning city and team members will be presented by Anjali Pathak of National Curry Week sponsors Patak’s, at a date and venue to be announced. Expect some more analysis and discussion of the result on episode two of TATTGOC's spicy podcast Keep Calm And Curry On ...

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC NEWS POSTS
Keep Calm And Curry On ... It's The TATTGOC Podcast!!
TATTGOC Salutes: Glasgow Mega Burrito!
"If You've Got A History Book At Home, Take It Out, Throw It In The Bin ... It's Worthless."
Curry Capital 2011: Sizin' Up The Competition
Yeeaaargh! It's Time For Khuhlai Khan's Kurry Klub Khallenge!
Last Chance To Vote For Your Favourite Glasgow Curryhouse ...
Vow Wow Wow: Raisin' A Glass To TATTGOC's Happy Couples!
Gluttonous Maximus: INDIAN EPIC MEAL TIME
Those English Curry Awards 2011 Winners In Full ...
An Interactive Investigation Into The Inherently Unsatisfying Nature Of Curry-Based Videogames

REVIEW: There’s A Nak To It

2011-10-27T00:01:00.002+01:00

Nakodar, Annfield Place

The Time: October 13, 8pm

Booking Name: Hervé Villechaize

The Place Aforehand: The Saracen's Head, theoretically.

In Attendance: Trampy, The Tramp, The Bulldosa, Makhni Knife, Bobo Balti, Ravi Peshari and brand-new Curry Club inductee Dhal M For Murder.

Decor: Some high-end interior design, with exposed brickwork offset by luxurious seats.

Expectations: Nakodar had been on the TATTGOC radar for ages, but its impressive media profile seemed to come more from news nuggets than reviews ...

The Experience:

When you’ve just exploded the traditional podcast paradigm, there’s really one way to celebrate: have a curry. That was the situation Trampy and The Tramp found themselves in after a mind-expanding day recording the blazin’ first episode of Keep Calm And Curry On, TATTGOC’s irreverent and most likely irregular podcast about curry culture. So after a hard afternoon elbowing each other off the Snowball, sourcing the most melodious sitar sweep and trying to keep the tell-tale psst of opening cans of Tennent’s “off-mic”, the Tramps were undoubtedly ready for their tea at the Nakodar, the prospect of which twinkled tantalizingly in the east end of Glasgow. Pushing the TATTGOC boat out a bit seemed an appropriate way to mark National Curry Week 2011. Surely a legendary night was in the offing ... right?

The sound of young Caledonia

(Click here to read on ...)

The Keep Calm And Curry On sessions had rolled into the early evening, precluding a formal meet-up for drinks before the curry for the Tramps themselves. But that didn’t stop the ever-resourceful Ravi Peshwari suggesting a leaderless drinks meet in one of the east end’s most legendary drinking dens: the Saracen's Head. What better way to welcome back a brace of Curry Clubbers absent for way too long? Bobo Balti was checking in after a furlough of paternity leave, while travel-worn Foreign Curryspondent Makhni Knife had finally returned to Glasgow like a fragile homing pigeon.

The best-laid plans of spice and men can oft dismay, and things went sideways pretty sharpish when it turned out that the Saracen's Head was shut. So by the time the Tramps caught up with the advance party – having forgotten their usual camera equipment in the rush – the squad was settled into Gallowgate’s eccentrically-spelled and disappointingly non-clairvoyant Chrystal Bell. The crew was just six-strong, with many stalwart Curry Clubbers otherwise engaged, or aff in Big London. But the prospect of returning east caused some around the table to cast back to their April 2009 voyage to Café Spice, a curryhouse sadly no longer with us. The returning Bobo Balti wondered what had made the Tramps select the Nakodar, and while there were many factors, the fact that Bobo was wearing a natty Chemikal Underground T-shirt seemed eerily prescient, for it was in fact a recent curry-related tweet by former Delgado Lord Cut-Glass that had sealed the deal.

Unfortunately, the distance between the Chrystal Bell and the Nakodar was considerable, so the squad began their trek, falling in rather conspicuously with a steady stream of punky young punters heading to the Barras for an Enter Shikari gig. By the time they arrived at the Nakodar, tucked away on well-heeled Annfield Place, there was another surprise in store: TATTGOC-affiliated footballer Dhal M For Murder had extricated himself from work concerns and was eagerly reporting for his first tour of duty. So it was a squad of seven that took their comfortable seats in the attractively furnished, well-appointed dining room. This, indeed, was a classy joint, so the assembled went for a round of Cobra instead of the usual Tennent’s.

After conferring with the waiter, the Tramps logged a spread of starters that ensured everyone got at least one lamb chop, and that the mixed pakora including some of the haggis variety. The Nakodar a la carte menu automatically includes rice with all its main courses, but with a bit of negotiation it was possible to swap in some naans, and what naans they were. After such a smooth and relatively painless ordering process, the Tramps felt increasingly confident they’d made the right choice. The Nakodar had been on their radar for over a year, after they read a heart-warming newspaper story in a downmarket tabloid: a woman had given birth soon after having a vegetable bhuna at the restaurant, and was so pleased she named her son “Nakodar”. (Even better, the Nakodar management said the wee man could have free curry for life.)

After reading that initial splash, the Tramps did a bit more clippings research, and it turns out the Nakodar is in the papers pretty regularly (if it’s not creating chocolate curries to spice up your love life, it’s discovering a Banksy original spraypainted on the outside wall). Of course, as Edinburgh's Kismot has discovered to its cost, media exposure can be a double-edged sword, and could all be for naught if the food isn’t up to snuff. So there was a table-wide, tangible sense of anticipation when the starters arrived ...

The chops arrived in a rich sauce, which made the eating of them potentially messier than usual, but did little to slow down the hungry squad. Initially wary of the accompaniment, perhaps suspecting it of being an attempt to disguise a lower quality of meat, the Tramp rapidly switcheroo-ed to give his chop an enthusiastic thumbs-up. The Bulldosa had also been bewitched by the succulence of the offerings, declaring it among the best he’d sampled as part of the ongoing TATTGOC research project. The tastiness of the chops led to a further kerfuffle as there were a spare two kicking about the table. Employing the wisdom of Solomon and the build quality of Grundig, the Tramps beatifically bestowed the extra morsels upon two particularly worthy Clubbers. (The chops generally overshadowed the pakora, which was a shame since the various pieces were both delicate and delicious.)

After such a promising start, hopes were assuredly high for the main courses. For his part, Trampy was also excited by the unusual sundries, which included a mozzarella and green chilli naan, a honey ginger naan and a vanilla garlic naan. (That’s vanilla as in “commonplace” rather than an actual vanilla garlic naan. Although that does sound like an interesting prospect ...) The naans arrived pre-sliced, a point of serious contention between some Curry Clubbers, and were politely received, if more for novelty value than actual mindblowing tastiness.

At one end of the table, Ravi Peshwari and Dhal M For Murder were bonding over their brace of tandoori chicken tikkas, which looked sizzlingly delicious to the Tramp but also remained mostly out of reach. At the other end, Bobo Balti and Trampy sampled the restaurant’s signature dish, Nakodari lamb, while former train-hopping hobo Makhni Knife felt compelled, understandably, to have Chicken Makhni Masala. All of these dishes were roundly praised, although The Tramp expressed a little disappointment at his lamb karahi. His reasoned explanation was lost amid a late-meal scuffle as Clubbers dived into the remains of The Bulldosa’s incredibly rich and tasty Murgh Malaidar sauce.

The idea had been to head somewhere a little bit special for National Curry Week, and the Nakodar had satisfyingly delivered, flying a convincing flag for classy curry in the east end. The squad crunched thoughtfully on sugar-coated fennel as they settled the bill, and lined up for the traditional mugshot outside the restaurant. It seemed fitting that on the day the Tramps had established their pathbreaking online gabfest, they'd also discovered a curryhouse worth talking about ...

Range Of Drinks: Tennent’s, Cobra, and a comprehensive bar.

Highlights: Fantastic chops, flavourful curries, intriguing naans.

Lowlights: The music: how much Lighthouse Family is too much? (Answer: not much.) Also, the pre-cut naans made some Curry Clubbers tetchy.

The Verdict: A horizon-broadening experience!

The Damage: £151.00 (tip £17)

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC OUTINGS
Cafe Serena, Maxwell Road
Punjabi Charing Cross

The Khyber, nr Shields Road
Punjabi, Paisley Road West
Rasoi, Partick Cross

Agra, Anniesland
Cafe Salma, Charing Cross
Kabana, Seaward Street
The Shenaz, Charing Cross

Keep Calm And Curry On ... The TATTGOC Podcast!!

2011-10-20T00:04:00.003+01:00

First things first: WELCOME TO THE NEW STAGE OF HISTORY. But second: while you might reasonably expect self-appointed curry lovers to be regularly stuffed, the TATTGOC content pipeline also sometimes gets overloaded. So while the most recent Curry Club outing was one of the best in recent memory, it was also preceded by the giddy recording of the first episode of TATTGOC's brand-new podcast Keep Calm And Curry On. So that's what pops out first ...

In the trailblazing first episode of Keep Calm And Curry On, the Tramps discuss the controversy surrounding the Kismot's ill-fated Kurry King/Queen competition, chew over the Curry Capital 2011 competition, review the elegant new Edinburgh curryhouse Mithas and burrow deep into The Tramp's Jukebox Puri ... SO CHECK IT OUT ON THE MIXCLOUD PLAYER BELOW!

Keep Calm And Curry On – Episode 1: Meet The Tramps by Keepcalmandcurryon on Mixcloud

For a multitude of reasons, it might be a wee while before KCACO officially turns up on iTunes. So if the embedded player isn't doing it for you, you can:

DOWNLOAD THE MP3: Here!

LISTEN ON MIXCLOUD: Here!

And just be thankful we didn't call it "CHATGOC" ...

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC NEWS POSTS

TATTGOC Salutes: Glasgow Mega Burrito!
"If You've Got A History Book At Home, Take It Out, Throw It In The Bin ... It's Worthless."
Curry Capital 2011: Sizin' Up The Competition
Yeeaaargh! It's Time For Khuhlai Khan's Kurry Klub Khallenge!

Tastin' With The Tramps: Fiery Irn-Bru!

2011-10-13T00:01:00.003+01:00

(Click here to pop the top ...)

The Product: After refocusing their product line by rebranding Diet Irn-Bru as Irn-Bru Sugar Free earlier this year – in a £2m campaign that kicked off on February 14 – carbonated powerhouse AG Barr recently launched a new edition of Scotland's favourite orange fizz. Perhaps realising that chiller cabinets across the country have swollen with advancing ginger beer brands, Barr's have produced a limited-edition (the street-dubbed Firun Bru will be available for just 10 weeks) variant of their flagship brand. Even though they actually already do a very nice cloudy ginger beer in bottles, likes.

The Pitch: Fiery Irn-Bru seems to be going down the route of a classic "dare" strategy: can you take the heat? Working with long-time marketing partners The Leith Agency, this boils down to a two-pronged approach. First up is widespread display advertising that makes it look as if vehement, potentially hilarious swearwords have been yanked out of posters in the "Watch Your Mouth" campaign. There's also a fairly decent stab at viral marketing with this entertaining YouTube clip featuring old dudes pretend-cussin'. Which sorta reminded us of an amusing sequence in the original Austin Pa ...

The Packaging: ... Ours. Yeah, ours happened to be bottles but you can get Fiery Irn-Bru in original cans as well. They seem to have gone down the Bombay Bad Boy route of classic black livery, with the iconic Barr running man logo framed in a warning diamond that hopefully intimates "DANGER HIGH VOLTAGE" rather than "CLEANING IN PROGRESS". The Tramp particularly liked the cap detail on the bottle, identifying the presumably volatile contents with a silver "fiery" label.

The Process: The Tramps originally planned to sample Fiery Irn-Bru in some vintage china for comedic effect, but were concerned that the unknown liquid might damage these heirlooms in some way. So they opted for hardy espresso cups. Instead of tasting the crazy juice alongside actual curry, they opted for some spicy potato twirls. (Although later that evening they did enjoy a fantastic mixed grill and mushroom keema from Cafe Serena, both delicious and the perfect accompaniment to re-watching Predator 2.) But to business: how did the whole tasting go down?

Trampy says: "I'm always a little wary when marketing tries to appeal to masculinity, but I admit I immediately wanted to test myself to see if I could take Fiery Irn-Bru. I think it still tastes like Irn-Bru, just with a persistent, nettley aftertaste. I was actually impressed at how long the heat stuck around, compared to most fizzy drinks, but while that was notable, it wasn't exactly enjoyable. I do love the fact that Irn-Bru has become so synonymous with Scotland, and the advertising is always pretty fantastic, so I'm happy to reinforce the myth that Scots are so hard they need a fizzy drink that will strip the enamel off their teeth. I sorta wish they'd done an ad campaign where they use Fiery Irn-Bru to dissolve paint off the Forth Rail Bridge but maybe that's not in keeping with brand values ..."

The Tramp says: "I first heard about Fiery Irn-Bru when I saw the viral video, which I thought was pretty funny. I'm a ginger beer fan, and I like my ginger beer fiery. A lot of people seemed to be saying online that they thought Fiery Irn-Bru was disgusting, and I wondered if that was because they were Irn-Bru fans rather than ginger beer fans. Because without being told what it was like, I imagined it being ginger-based. It's certainly got the same mouthfeel as fiery ginger beer. As for the actual tasting, I quite like it ... but I'd like to see what it was like as a mixer. The heat does last for quite a long time. But I don't think it would be a good drink alongside curry. I'd rather have beer, ice water or a nice lassi. So I give it a half-cocked thumb-up ... not the full two thumbs up."

The Verdict: Fiery, volatile, caustic ... but enough about the Tramps, whit about the Bru? The consensus seemed to be that while it was a canny bit of brand extension, successfully frontin' to any encroaching ginger beers, this incarnation of Irn-Bru was probably too prickly and sickly to stick around on shelves longer than the 10-week gimmick period. And surely Barr missed a product-placement trick since Burnistoun makes its debut on the national network tonight? For what better pairing than Burnistoun and summat that might burn his tongue? Oaft!

Do you have a curry-related foodstuff you're launching into the crowded modern marketplace where a recommendation from appropriate enthusiasts might help? If so, drop us an introductory line at trampyandthetramp@trampyandthetramp.com and see YOUR product featured on the legendary ... Tastin' With The Tramps! Booyah!

PREVIOUSLY CONSUMED ON TASTIN' WITH THE TRAMPS
Mongoose, Aboot The Hoose!
Waitrose Hot And Fiery Salad!
Anita's Chips!
The Pot Noodle GTi!
Mr Singh's Curry Pies!
The Pot Noodle Fightback!
Mr Singh's Punjabi Chilli Sauce!
McCoy's Vs Golden Wonder!
The Nation's Noodle!
Mr Singh's Bangras!

TATTGOC Salutes: Glasgow Mega Burrito!

2011-10-06T00:44:00.200+01:00

If there's one thing there's no shortage of here in internetland, it's foodie blogs. You can't throw a copy of the Observer Food Monthly away in disgust without hitting a dozen of them. It's all cupcakes this and pop-up restaurant that, Hugh says, Jamie says, Ottolenghi-ding-dong. Bobbing among this digital ocean of tweeness and balsamic fundamentalism, the Tramps have always imagined TATTGOC as a Bill Hicks-esque outlaw, what with all the impenetrable in-jokes, notably unstyled photography and machine-gun puns. We're a RENEGADE foodie blog, despite the various awards and corporate support. A little bawdy. A touch sexy. EDGY, even. Out there on the EDGE ...

Then we discovered this fella:

Burrito Overlord says "Beanz, aye!"

(Click here to read on ...)

In just a few short months, Burrito Overlord Joe Quimby has turned Glasgow Mega Burrito into one of the most consistently entertaining blogs in Scotland, creating a fabled nexus where spicy Mexican food, the ever-fizzin' Glasgow music scene and a complete mastery of sexual slang smash together into a giddy explosion of hot sauce-powered joy. The banter is hilarious.

A note of warning: Glasgow Mega Burrito is not for everyone. If you don't like the idea of following a recipe where every single instruction in the method is cheerfully compared to a transgressive carnal act, this might not be the destination for you. But any dude who manages to reference Bill and Ted, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Red Heat and wrestling, wrestling, wrestling in their food writing is alright in our book. A good litmus test is this: do you find the phrase "GEEEZ A GAM!" inherently funny? Then you're on the right wavelength. (Another good benchmark from the main man: "If you're into Old El Paso get the fuck off my blog!")

"Ring" joke here, pls

There's also the intriguing music scene dimension (one post is entitled GODSPEED! YOU REFRIED BLACK BEAN EMPEROR). When he's not creating spicy treats in the excellent kitchen of The Captain's Rest, the Burrito Overlord is often out on the road with various bands, who he's tapped up to provide their own first-person tales of burrito dreams and nightmares. There's loads of great rockstar/hipster-generated content, with contributions from such fine Glasgow-based acts as the mighty Sons And Daughters and swaggering new-bloods Kassidy.

The 'Fast And The Bean-Curious

It's also worth noting that the rise of the Burrito Overlord has coincided with a mini-explosion of new Mexican joints in the Weedge, including the two branches of Taco Mazama, yon Pinto on Queen Street and that new place at the bottom of Byres Road where the Pakistani Cafe and many other restaurants have expired. Is it called Pinata? We're sure he'll get round to it soon ... and give it a right good doing.

So for all these reasons and more, TATTGOC salutes Glasgow Mega Burrito.

So join him! He's on Twitter! (And get a T-shirt whilst you're at it ...)

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC NEWS POSTS
"If You've Got A History Book At Home, Take It Out, Throw It In The Bin ... It's Worthless."
Curry Capital 2011: Sizin' Up The Competition
Yeeaaargh! It's Time For Khuhlai Khan's Kurry Klub Khallenge!
Last Chance To Vote For Your Favourite Glasgow Curryhouse ...

"If You've Got A History Book At Home, Take It Out, Throw It In The Bin ... It's Worthless."

2011-09-29T00:25:00.069+01:00

The public voting might be over but there's still a lot at stake in the ongoing Curry Capital 2011 competition. Our team of TATTGOC analysts may have cast a cursory eye over the competition last week, but despite all that investigative excavation, the Tramps were still wrongfooted, blindsided and creosote-eyed by this slice of campaign brilliance:

Let's disregard the terrible radio DJ "rapping" at the end and simply agree that this is a masterstroke by the Wolverhampton team; a catchy pop hit redeployed with appropriately spiced-up lyrics – "Third last year ... we're going for gold" – and some genuinely excellent singing. It certainly raises the stakes for all the cities who remain in serious Curry Capital contention. And for Glasgow, a city steeped in musical history that is also proud to host the MOBO awards for the forseeable, it does seem like a missed trick ...

(But then: has Glasgow ever made a similarly effective video promo to support a local cause?)

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC NEWS POSTS
Curry Capital 2011: Sizin' Up The Competition
Yeeaaargh! It's Time For Khuhlai Khan's Kurry Klub Khallenge!
Last Chance To Vote For Your Favourite Glasgow Curryhouse ...
Vow Wow Wow: Raisin' A Glass To TATTGOC's Happy Couples!

Curry Capital 2011: Sizin' Up The Competition

2011-09-22T00:02:00.052+01:00

In case you haven't heard us banging on about it for ages – here, and here and on Twitter – today is the last day of public voting for Curry Capital 2011. Be advised that the original online poll – which had over 250,000 votes, and put Glasgow and Bradford pretty much neck-and-neck – was closed on September 17, so the only way to make your vote count now is by email: sling one over to votecity@fedrest.com indicating that you want to vote for Glasgow. As well as getting a nice warm, possibly spicy feeling inside, you'll also be entered in a prize draw to win a year's supply of lager and Patak's products. Of course, while the public vote is important, the crown is also awarded on various other criteria – check out the bottom half of this official post for the exhaustive judging process. Much of the remaining responsibility lies with the teams of four curryhouses chosen to represent each city.

But never mind that – let's take a sideways and hopefully humorous look at some of Glasgow's main rivals, then make some arbitrary judgements about their chances!

(Click here for the runners and riders ...)

WOLVERHAMPTON!

Where better to wolf down a curry that Wolverhampton, eh? And while you might need to squint a little to make out what the text above actually says, they have cannily used an elephant as their mascot/logo ... and it does look pretty cool. Wolverhampton placed third in Curry Capital 2010, and their 2011 curryhouse squad features two returning restaurants – The Bilash and Cafe Rickshaw – which suggests a strong foundation to build from. And of all the competing cities, Wolverhampton seems to be the only one to have built a proper separate website to keep interested parties up-to-date with what's going on. It's got a calendar of the various Curry Capital stages that's actually a little easier to parse than the official website, and features slick examples of their dossier from 2010, including in-depth interviews with each of the curryhouse owners. If all of their 2011 campaign has been as polished and thorough, Wolverhampton could be poised to cause an upset.

LAST YEAR: Third!
PREDICTION: Possible dark horse. (Elephant. Whatever.)

LEICESTER!

Leicester was crowned Curry Capital for the first time ever back in 2007, and the city has arguably held the title for the longest time of any winner, since the whole shooting match subsequently went on spicy hiatus for the next two years. Of the four-strong curryhouse team representing the city in 2011, there's only one return from the 2007 winning squad – Little India – but the local press, spearheaded by the Leicester Mercury, have certainly got behind the campaign in a big way. The prospect of winning back their crown seems to have the former winners pretty fired up, even if concerted attempts to promote the proposed Twitter hashtag #Leicurrycap have fared ... well, let's say they've fared poorly. Because they have.

LAST YEAR: Fifth!
PREDICTION: Maybe a podium finish?

EDINBURGH!

While it might not always be recognised in the wild, wild west of Scotland, there's a fine tradition of great curry in our nation's capital, with the first Kushi's opening way back in 1947. And while it hasn't made that much of an impression in Curry Capital compos past – though it did pick up a special gong in 2003 – it's certainly assembled a decent squad for 2011, including the sophisticated and charitable Britannia Spice (a favourite haunt of occasional TATTGOC correspondent and Curry Lover of the Year 2009 Alex Salmond). Most surprising of all, the team includes the east coast outpost of Mother India's Cafe, hopefully bringing some of that gallus Glasgow magic to the bid.

LAST YEAR: Unplaced.
PREDICTION: You'll have had your tea.

BRADFORD!

Fair's fair, that's a pretty awesome poster that Bradford cooked up for their 2010 campaign. And judging by local media coverage – which puts a strong emphasis on the fact that Bradford is "England's Curry Capital" – they will stop at nothing to lay their grasp on the curry crown they perceive as Bradford's rightful prize. In the 2011 squad, there are two holdovers from last year – the Shipley outpost of the successful local Aagrah chain and Shimla Spice in Keighley – and since they only lost last year to Glasgow by two points, two measly points, they must fancy their chances. And of all the competing cities, Bradford has by far been the most active on Twitter, with multiple calls to action from local residents and businesses. Will it be enough?

LAST YEAR: Second!
PREDICTION: The current favourite, probs.

So could it be? Could Glasgow and Bradford really be ... nemeses? Take it away, JoCo ...

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC NEWS POSTS
Yeeaaargh! It's Time For Khuhlai Khan's Kurry Klub Khallenge!
Last Chance To Vote For Your Favourite Glasgow Curryhouse ...
Vow Wow Wow: Raisin' A Glass To TATTGOC's Happy Couples!
Gluttonous Maximus: INDIAN EPIC MEAL TIME

Tastin' With The Tramps: Mongoose, Aboot The Hoose!

2011-09-15T00:02:00.006+01:00

The distinguished members of TATTGOC sure do love their curry, as evidenced by their now-outdated title of Curry Lovers Of The Year 2010. But their ongoing quest for spicy satisfaction isn't merely limited to TATTGOC's regular excursions to some of Glasgow's hidden-gem curryhouses. If they happen across almost any curry-related foodstuff, Trampy and The Tramp feel compelled to take it for a spin – and thus was born the irregular feature Tastin' With The Tramps. What curry-related product is in the hot seat this time? It's relatively-recently-launched, spicy-food-friendly lager Mongoose Premium Beer!

(Click here to chase the Mongoose ...)

The Product: As if Cobra didn't have enough on their plate battling Snake Eyes, Lady Jaye, Roadblock and the rest of G.I. Joe, they now face a new rival: Mongoose. Launched in 2010, this upstart brand seems keen to grab some of the lucrative curryhouse market, a sector currently staked out by Cobra, long-time TATTGOC supporters Kingfisher and, to a lesser extent, Lal Toofan. The rivalry with Cobra goes beyond mere marketing huffin' and puffin' – a Brewers' Guardian article goes into some detail about the be-coiled history between the two brands.

(For another take, here's the National Geographic Channel on Cobra vs. Mongoose. Rudyard Kipling would be proud, apparently.)

The Pitch: From the Wells And Young website: Available in bottles and on draught, Mongoose Premium Beer is a 5.0% ABV lager brewed with Hallertau and Hersbrucker hops. And like all Wells And Young's beers, Mongoose is brewed with accredited natural mineral water from the brewery's very own well. Its exceptional smoothness and soft carbonation make it the perfect match for Indian food. In a blind taste test, over 50% of consumers preferred Mongoose over its competitors ... Who could they mean?

The Packaging: With its distinctive red livery and traditional Indian font, Mongoose seems calibrated to appeal to curry consumers. The depiction of an actual mongoose on the label at first seems like a comparethemarket.com-esque appeal to fluffy cuteness – simples! – until you spot the dead cobra in its gob. What on Earth could that symbolise?

The Process: The Tramps have had their eye on these guys ever since the Scottish Curry Awards 2011, when the hard-fought category of Curry Lover of the Year was actually sponsored by Mongoose (there were also bottles on all the tables). Once that night's vengeful dust had settled, the Tramps reached out to the company through their Facebook group to drop some hints about sampling the beer – and a crate of Mongoose turned up at TATTGOC Towers THE VERY SAME DAY. That's service ...

And so it came to pass that almost the entire Curry Club got the chance to try a bottle of Mongoose, ahead of TATTGOC's recent visit to the mighty Cafe Serena. So how did it all go down?

Trampy says: "I CAN'T BELIEVE I WORE THE SAME SHIRT THREE POSTS IN A ROW. Also, Mongoose was nice and refreshing in a bottle ... but draft will be the true test. So, y'know, if you wanna send us a keg ..."

The Tramp says: "Small, furry and vicious ... three words that accurately sum up the playing style of TATTGOC legend and tearaway ne'er-do-well Rabbie Shankar on the five-a-side field. They also could be used to describe the Mongoose – an animal famed for being fierce enough to take on the mighty Cobra. For my money they have to get massive respect for being so bold in the first place so they're off to a good start. The packaging and branded glasses certainly pack a punch and the beer doesn't disappoint either – I'd certainly be more than happy to order a pint or two of Mongoose to go with my curry. Having only tasted it in bottled form I'm keen to see how it performs on draft. Two thumbs up from The Tramp."

The Verdict: There was a general cheer of approval for Mongoose from the 10 or so Curry Clubbers present, but then they've never turned their nose up at free booze. Everyone was tickled by the combative Cobra stance, however, so perhaps Mongoose can leverage their current underdog status into a workable business model. Some TV advertising featuring cute furry mongooses – possibly not tearing the throat out of a cobra in a shower of blood – would be the next logical step ...

Do you have a curry-related foodstuff you're launching into the crowded modern marketplace where a recommendation from appropriate enthusiasts might help? If so, drop us an introductory line at trampyandthetramp@trampyandthetramp.com and see YOUR product featured on ... Tastin' With The Tramps!

PREVIOUSLY CONSUMED ON TASTIN' WITH THE TRAMPS
Waitrose Hot And Fiery Salad!
Anita's Chips!
The Pot Noodle GTi!
Mr Singh's Curry Pies!

REVIEW: Wake Up And Smell The Cafe

2011-09-08T14:30:00.002+01:00

Café Serena, Maxwell Road

TheTime: August 25,8.30pm

BookingName: None required...

ThePlace Aforehand:The Tramp’s hoose.

InAttendance: Trampy,The Tramp, The Gheezer, Ravi Peshwari, Onion Bha-G, Rumpole Of The Balti,Chasni Hawkes, Sir Spicy Lover, Rogan Josh Homme, Rabbie Shankar and our rovingForeign Curryspondent and guest photographer for this report: Tikka MaBaws!

Decor: With its spiffy modern signagesuitable for an F1 racing team, Café Serena hardly harks back to thecurryhouses of old. But inside, there’s a surprisingly spacious sit-in area andit’s clean, clean, clean as a whistle.

Expectations:The Tramp hadalready been pounding Café Serena for tandoori takeaways since moving to theSouthside, while Trampy and Rogan Josh Homme had once ordered a ridiculousamount of food from the same establishment. Hopes were therefore high for thesit-in experience.

TheExperience:

Poor MumbaiMe A Pony! Did she realise that when she married The Tramp, by extension shewas also marrying the massed ranks of the Curry Club? These thoughts must havepassed through her mind as she watched 11 sturdy men swigging beer in herliving room, gabbing and cavorting like recently released primates blessed witha sudden surge of unnatural intelligence: Rise Of The Planet Of The Japes. But,typically, Mumbai Me A Pony took it all in her stride, like a truesaffrongette. And it would only be for half an hour or so. Before long, thismanly Hurricane Wire-In would surely spin off down the road in pursuit ofcurry?

(Click here to achieve Serena-ty ...)

Still, afine turnout for the first official Curry Club outing since both The Tramp andRogan Josh Homme got hitched, with 10 regulars in attendance, plus a veryspecial guest: TATTGOC’s own Uncle Travelling Matt, the weatherbeaten and wiseForeign Curryspondent Tikka MaBaws (also proprietor of the excellent blog I Done A Holiday). For the past two years, Tikka MaBaws hadbeen filing far-flung dispatches of spicy reportage, from destinations likeDubai, Sri Lanka, Bolivia and more. In all that time, there had never been anopportunity for him to attend a proper TATTGOC meet-up, so this was to be atruly historic occasion. Even then, the Tramps put their diligent curryspondentto work, tasking Tikka MaBaws with documenting the outing with hisexpensive-looking camera. One less thing to worry about ...

The Tramp’shouse had, of course, been chosen as TATTGOC’s launchpad since there aren’tthat many pubs near target curryhouse Café Serena (the nearest, as the crowflies, is the legendary Star Bar, home of probably the least-expensive, qualitythree-course lunch in the world). Having recently moved to the area, The Tramphad begun a spicy reconnaissance of nearby curryhouses, but Café Serena camewith an extra-special recommendation from Lime Pickle’s bidie-in, who knows hercurry. It has even previously featured on the blog, providing the food when theTramps sampled Waitrose’s hot and fiery salad. The sit-in area is compact but with theusual TATTGOC turnout of eight or so, it looked like it would be fine. Ofcourse, the group had subsequently swelled to 11, so would the Café be able tocope? There was only way to find out, so the assembled crew set off in searchof their tea, spinning their used bottle caps into The Tramp’s ice bucket asthey trooped out the door like a curry-obsessed conga line.

Rocking upat Café Serena to a warm welcome, it immediately became clear that there wasn’ta table big enough for the entire Curry Club. After an initial experiment ofsitting two groups at two different tables, the manager Ali proposed a minorfurniture reshuffle, creating one long table in the style of a medievalbanquet. With the minimum of fuss, all 11 currynauts were cosily seated andscanning the menu. The drinks order was easy: with no booze on offer, The Trampsignaled for three jugs of creamy lassi. The days of TATTGOC foolishlyoverindulging on the creamy ambrosia, filling themselves up before the maincourses, were long ago: the team supped carefully.

The Trampshad vowed to try and shake things up a bit, so attempted something a littledifferent when it came to ordering starters for the group. As well as the usualbrace of mixed pakora (and an additional veg pakora for TATTGOC’s residentgrumblebox vegetarian Onion Bha-G), they asked for a couple of portions ofchicken tikka and also a couple of Dahi Bade, lentil balls chopped up andserved in a raita-esque sauce. When this fleet of starters arrived, it made forone of the more yoghurty starter sessions in TATTGOC history, with the surfeitof lassi and raita. In retrospect, the Tramps should perhaps have leaned moretoward the tikka than lentil balls but as the dishes were passed up and downthe table and eagerly devoured, it all seemed to go down well.

As for themains, there were multiple orders of chicken on the bone karahi and lamb on thebone karahi, a brace of chicken tikka nantaris, a chicken chilli tikka masala,an aloo dish for Onion Bha-G, a chicken tikka supreme for Sir Spicy Lover and,for Trampy, a goan curry with chicken and prawns, something definitely outsidehis usual curry zone. Having not stretched their rice/naan equations for awhile, the Tramps initially went for “four and four”. For a change, they wentfor two plain naans, a peshwari naan and, for the first time ever, a mincenaan. Trampy spent much of the evening trying to convince vegetarian OnionBha-G that the mince naan was actually a “quince naan” and therefore suitablefor consumption but he was too canny for that.

Foreign Curryspondent Tikka MaBaws

Whilewaiting for the mains to arrive, the Tramps switched up to water jugs to reducethe potentiality of lassi bloating, and the convivial, collegiate chat veeredfrom recent weddings, future weddings, T in the Park, world travel and, for onestrangely extended sequence, a comparing of hairlines at the far end of thetable. This TATTGOC outing took place during Ramadan and, as the sun set, asteady stream of customers poured into Café Serena to pick up their dinner.With 11 dishes to cook from scratch, there was a reasonable wait for the feastto arrive but soon the karahi bowls were descending, accompanied by significantbowls of rice (a fifth had been added just in case) and pillowy naans. RaviPeshwari’s dish had cooled slightly as the food was served but the manager washappy to heat it up again. Conversation was suspended as the team tucked in,the spicy spell only occasionally broken by a murmur of approval.

Though hehad taken it easy on the lassi, Trampy still struggled to finish his goan currywhich had a pleasant spicy kick, and while he might not rush out to order achicken and prawn curry again, he was glad of the experience. Those Clubberswho had ordered their curries on the bone were particularly full of praise,with Rabbie Shankar – another Southsider living within Café Serena’s catchmentarea – declaring that his chicken karahi was the best curry he’d ever had on aTATTGOC outing. Looks like Café Serena will have another regular customer.

As theTramps settled the very reasonable bill, Tikka MaBaws assembled the squadoutside for the necessary group shot. Usually, either Trampy or The Tramp isthe shutterman for this particular pic, which means that often one of them ismissing from the portrait. A well-seasoned world traveler, Tikka MaBaws set uphis expensive-looking camera on his manbag so he too could be in the picture –and so, for the first time in three years, the group shot features every singleTATTGOCer in attendance: another historic first in an evening stuffed with ’em.

As thegroup prepared to disperse, the manager – a Mr Ali – popped out to say cheerio.There followed a highly entertaining and enlightening discussion about thenight's meal, the history of the restaurant, Ramadan and the curry trade in general. MrAli was happy to answer any questions about his business, and wished that thosewho had experienced Café Serena for the first time would return for futurevisits. “All new faces, except him,” he exclaimed, pointing at TheTramp. “He I have seen many times before!”

Range OfDrinks: Softs onthe menu, but lassis were the order of the day.

Highlights: Fantastic curries, friendlyservice, competitively priced.

Lowlights: It took a wee while for all thedishes to arrive but with all 11 made from scratch that’s to be expected.

TheVerdict: A sereneexperience!

TheDamage: £144.50(tip: £15.50)

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC OUTINGS
Punjabi Charing Cross

The Khyber, nr Shields Road
Punjabi, Paisley Road West
Rasoi, Partick Cross

Yeeaaargh! It's Time For Khublai Khan's Kurry Klub Khallenge!

2011-09-01T00:24:00.007+01:00

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.
– from "Kubla Khan" (1797) by Sammy Coleridge
(Or to give him his Curry Club name, Cole-Raj)

A while back, possibly not long after TATTGOC failed to win Scottish Curry Lover(s) Of The Year twice in a row, the Tramps got an interesting email. Essentially, it was a challenge. The venerable Mongolian barbecue restaurant empire Khublai Khan's – which has two outlets, in Edinburgh and Glasgow – got in touch to say they were big fans of the blog. An excellent start. They went on to ask whether the Tramps would consider visiting their Glasgow restaurant. Because even though it wasn't a curryhouse, the modular nature of Mongolian barbecue – where one selects their own combination of meat, veg, spices, sauces and oils to then be cooked up by an expert – means that it's certainly possible to put together something curry-esque. So ... out of Trampy and The Tramp, former joint curry lovers of the year, which spicy titan could create the best curry or approximation thereof? It proved to be an irresistible summons, as if Khan himself had slapped our burly heroes across the face with a chainmail glove. And so, on a balmy summer evening, the Tramps set out for Glasgow's own inner Mongolia, the Merchant City, with Mumbai Me A Pony on hand to act as totally impartial judge, jury and photo-cutioner.

In other words: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

(Click here for the full Mongolian journey ...)

Trampy liked to think he might have an advantage over his old chum, having visited the Edinburgh outlet of Khublai Khan's in the dim and distant past – something like 14 years ago! That particularly uproarious group buffet outing had stuck in his mind since the hotplate for cooking up the food was styled and metalworked like a decorative shield. Or at least that's how he remembered it. For his part, The Tramp was new to Mongolian cuisine but certainly no stranger to barbecue and, perhaps crucially, actual cooking. Upon invading the Merchant City premises, the Tramps marveled at the deceptively spacious layout, well-suited to entertaining large groups as well as small. Some cosmopolitan diners were already in attendance. There were also balloons.

Duty manager Matt steered our heroes toward their table, talking them through "the deal" – in other words, suggesting strategies to approach the blank culinary canvas calmly, rather than panicking and chucking everything into the bowl at once. Khublai Khan's specialises in utilising interesting and unusual meats – including ostrich, wild boar and baby octopus – and while you can only choose one of these meats per dish (since they all take different times to cook), diners can make return visits to the buffet to fine-tune their own recipes or try something completely new. "Feel free to experiment," explained Matt, encouragingly.

But before all the freeform, kamikaze craziness of turning the Tramps loose on a galley full of ingredients, there was the small matter of starters (included in the "Mongolian feast" option). In conference with Mumbai Me A Pony, the Tramps went for Chi Sin (kangaroo haggis), Pak Loi (sweet and spicy lamb) and Khoor Shoor (cumin-flavoured minced wild boar). As they waited for the starters to arrive, all three pored over the paper placemat that doubled as a buffet menu, with suggested formulas of spices, oils and sauces to create tasty dishes. The Tramps had agreed to start off with the most curry-esque selections from these recommendations, but found themselves drawn to such inspired creations as Massive Mongolian Munch and Kani Mak Mi Swally It. Before they could agree on their first salvos, the starters arrived – and as the plates were discreetly passed around and consumed, all three agreed that while the lamb and boar were good, the kangaroo haggis was something very special. Strewth!

With all the "Let's go to the hop!" jokes out of the way, it was time for round one of the Khublai Khan's Kurry Klub Khallenge. This involved heading for the actual barbecue area, a place of inviting smells, populous ingredients and amusing signs. Trampy had chosen Bobby's Bum Buster, a spicy prescription featuring lots of crushed chillis, cumin and some Thai seasonings, which he put together with onions, peppers and springbok meat, as well as rice. For his part, The Tramp went for the Ruby Khan, with cumin, turmeric and curry sauce, with a dash of mixed veg and mixed game (rabbits and the like). After piling up the varied ingredients into their individual karahi bowls, the Tramps deposited them at the barbecue staging area, where a quicksilver chef was overseeing various meals-in-progress. Thanks to a magnetic token system, the Tramps (and Mumbai Me A Pony) could return to their table, safe in the knowledge their personalised creation would be delivered to them when it was ready. It didn't take long, and soon they were chowing down on a very special dish; even if they hadn't technically cooked it, they could certainly be described as its architect. The Tramps agreed that both the curry-esque recipe recommendations had worked reasonably well. But this was the equivalent of colouring within the lines. Time for round two, where the Tramps would unleash their creativity by invoking their own personal curry inventions!

To be fair, once you've seen the selection of meats at Khublai Khan's, there must always be a temptation to return to the hotplate, just to try something you've never nibbled before (a nearby sign apologised for crocodile not being currently available). Tempted though he was to base his competitive dish around baby octopus, Trampy stuck to the basics – rice, onions and venison, spicing it up with cumin, turmeric, coriander, garlic, chillies, curry sauce and some additional chilli sauce as well. He felt quietly confident. The Tramp took the hump by opting for camel as the meat basis for his dish ("Because I hate camels ..."), augmented by rice, onion and red pepper. Spicewise, he added cumin, turmeric, coriander, black pepper, ginger, garlic and more chillies than any other ingredient. But then he also threw in his throwback-English-curry secret weapon: sultanas! (Also ensuring that Trampy would never taste it.) The tension could have been cut with a butter knife as the pair waited for their individual curry champion dishes to arrive at their table. This was the moment of truth. Which would be judged the best by Mumbai Me A Pony?

The Tramps themselves had the first taste, and while both enacted a shadowplay of intense enjoyment to try and psyche out their opponent, it was clear to Trampy that something had gone wrong. What had he missed? All the spices were there but ... had he remembered to put in ginger? Aaargh! After a chopstickful of each competing dish, Mumbai Me A Pony deliberated, cogitated and digested ... and eventually declared The Tramp to be the creator of the superior curry simulacrum. But if Trampy felt bitter disappointment, he disguised it well by scoffing the remainder of his creation in record time. Sure, The Tramp was the official victor ... but they'd also agreed that the last round would be a no-strings-attached, no-judging free-for-all, the equivalent of the ten minutes of mucking about you got at the end of a school swimming lesson. Free of curry constraints, free of societal norms, free of morality itself, the Tramps hustled back to the hotplate area with the intention of creating nothing less than transgressive art. Bring on the baby octopus!

Though it wasn't technically judged, this last round was most likely a draw, with all participants taking things to the limit. Much like Jackson Pollock awaking from a three-day drunk to discover he had created a bespeckled masterpiece with no memory of how he actually did it, these dishes were as transcendental as they were arguably counterintuitive. Stuffed, sated and elated, the Tramps agreed that their mini-trip to Mongolia had been a most enjoyable experience. A big part of that was the winning Khublai Khan sense of humour – detectable in the menus, posters and their Twitter feed – that genially complemented the ingredients and excellent service. When, halfway through Mumbai Me A Pony's tense curry judging decision, a voice purporting to be nothing less than the reincarnation of Khan himself boomed over the PA to announce that it was someone's birthday, it simply added to the atmosphere. All in all, what a night! But now: time for bed.

Khan-Do Attitude: Trampy, Matt and The Tramp

Then Matt came over. "Aren't you going back again?" he asked, innocently. Nope, replied the Tramps. We may be grand patrons but we're not gluttons, and three visits seems like a fair shake of the whip. "Fair enough," said Matt, with just the right amount of implied disillusionment. "I just expected more from Glasgow's finest curry blog ..." The Tramps exchanged a meaningful glance and, instinctively understanding its meaning, Mumbai Me A Pony arched her eyebrows in anticipation of the foolishness to come. As if on cue, the Tramps pushed back their chairs in unison, adjusted their stones, and marched back to buffet battle ...

THE DEETS:
Khublai Khan's
26 Candleriggs
Merchant City
Glasgow
G1 1LD

PHONE: 0141 552 5646

WEB: www.khublaikhan.co.uk

QUOTE: "Why do you speak to me of the stones? It is only the arch that matters to me." – Khublai Khan

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC NEWS POSTS
Last Chance To Vote For Your Favourite Glasgow Curryhouse ...
Vow Wow Wow: Raisin' A Glass To TATTGOC's Happy Couples!
Gluttonous Maximus: INDIAN EPIC MEAL TIME
Those English Curry Awards 2011 Winners In Full ...

Last Chance To Vote For Your Favourite Glasgow Curryhouse Therefore Buttressing The City's Bid For Curry Capital 2011

2011-08-25T00:03:00.142+01:00

GLASGOW! IS! CURRY CAPITAL! 2010! But not for much longer. And like a spicy space shuttle launch, the newly resurgent Curry Capital 2011 competition happens in stages. The first bit involves each competing city choosing a four-strong team of restaurants that will represent it – Glasgow's successful squad last year comprised of Balbir's, Koolba, Mother India and Mr Singh's India. As you probably know, Glasgow has done astonishingly well in the stop-start history of the UK-wide competition, winning the Curry Capital crown a record four times (for a reminder of teams past and how they did, check this old TATTGOC post). In fact, you could say – as we often do when updating our CV – that Glasgow has poppadominated.

So selecting the right squad is an important part of the gameplan, and the closing date for voting for your favourite Glasgow curryhouse is tomorrow, Friday August 26. As an added incentive to include your particulars, there's a nationwide prize draw to win a year's supply of lager and curry (or at least, the modular parts of a curry provided by Patak's). So get on over to the official Glasgow Council Curry Capital 2011 webpage to make your voice heard, assuming they're not too busy craning their necks out the window trying to catch a glimpse of Brad Pitt.

After the votes are worked out, the teams representing each city are scheduled to be announced on Monday September 5, and then there's some other business, including National Curry Week running October 9-15, before the overall winner is announced on November 1. That might make it sound like the Curry Capital of 2011 only has a single calendar month to revel in their tastebud-exploding glory, but we're assured that whoever claims the crown will still be the official Curry Capital during the Olympics 2012. So there's that.

If you haven't participated already, the temptation might be to vote tactically, like in Eurovision (Purivision?). But while it's always tempting to nominate the big beasts of Glasgow's curry realm – yer Mother Indias, yer Balbir's, yer Ashokas, fantastic places all – we would like to gently suggest voting with your heart.

Since day one and the impromptu creation of a mildly perverse mission statement, TATTGOC has been about bustin' out of the curry comfort zone and hunting down some unsung places. So what better way to illustrate the breadth of curry culture in Glasgow than to draw attention to the incredible variety of neighbourhood curryhouses that exist? Let's hear it for the Anarkali, or Cafe Salma, or the original Punjabi, or some other awesome place that we haven't even been to yet. Some place just waiting, out there, cooking up the perfect combination of heat and spice to create the ultimate Glasgow curry. Tucked away yet aching to be found ... calling to TATTGOC with some siren saffron song: inviting, inscrutable, intoxicating ...

(That said, floating voters could do worse than put an "X" next to Shish Mahal.)

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC NEWS POSTS
Vow Wow Wow: Raisin' A Glass To TATTGOC's Happy Couples!
Gluttonous Maximus: INDIAN EPIC MEAL TIME
Those English Curry Awards 2011 Winners In Full ...
An Interactive Investigation Into The Inherently Unsatisfying Nature Of Curry-Based Videogames

Vow Wow Wow: Raisin' A Glass To TATTGOC's Happy Couple(s)!

2011-08-18T00:18:00.184+01:00

What a month it's been for TATTGOC-affiliated weddings! First up, Rogan Josh Homme wed his blushing bride after a self-described "whirlwind romance" of 13 years. That's right, Rogan Josh Homme, the man who once modelled as "Naan Solo" in What's The Plural Of Adonis?: The Gentlemen Of Curry Club 18-Month Charity Calendar, is now extremely non-solo. Sorry ladies! The poor-quality cameraphone shot from Trampy, below, can only convey a tiny flavour of the awesomeness of the day, from ceremony to proper Highland hoolie. No curry, sure, but also no shortage of cupcakes ... such delicious cupcakes ...

Then, just this past weekend, there was the long-awaited marriage of The Tramp himself: a two-day outdoors Nuptiapalooza that had been over a year in the planning. Even though the weather threatened to be uncooperative, it all worked out fine on this most special of days. The guestlist was packed with TATTGOC luminaries, including Lime Pickle – who arguably started this whole Curry-Club-members-marrying trend after his own spicy and incredible wedding day. Plus, there was a surprising appearance from Rumpole Of The Balti!

Actually, scratch that, it was an Elvis impersonator ... cuz the original plan was for The Tramp and Mumbai Me A Pony to wed in Vegas. And while there was no actual curry on the menu, the step-father of the bride brought tears to the eyes of both Tramps by mentioning this very blog in his official speech, which was above and beyond the call of duty. Talking of speeches, here's a pic of blushing bride Mumbai Me A Pony listening to her new husband's chat ...

... presumably not the last time she'll have to pretend to laugh at her husband's jokes in a social setting. But still: what an amazing occasion, and the beginning of an exciting new chapter for them both! So even if you're reading this while sitting at your human resources workstation dillydallying over the new departmental spreadsheet, or just apathetically Googling "delicious cupcakes" to take best advantage of Citylink's free wifi on a tedious bus journey, we would ask – NAY, DEMAND – that you should be upstanding RIGHT NOW ... *scrape of chairs, adjustment of comportment* ... for the traditional toast.

To the bride(s) and groom(s)!

... to the bride(s) and groom(s)!

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC "NEWS" POSTS
Gluttonous Maximus: INDIAN EPIC MEAL TIME
Those English Curry Awards 2011 Winners In Full ...
An Interactive Investigation Into The Inherently Unsatisfying Nature Of Curry-Based Videogames
Goin' For The Double With Curry Capital 2011

From Our Foreign Curryspondent ... Dateline: Barcelona!

2011-08-11T00:42:00.094+01:00

(The TATTGOC brotherhood extends around the globe, and we welcome reports of curry expeditions beyond Glasgow – in this bulletin, Lord Of The Dansak experiences some of the magic of Bollywood in Barcelona ... it turns out to be a tale of two naans, but is it worth making a song-and-dance over it?)

Restaurante Bollywood by Lord Of The Dansak

The Time: June 13, 1pm

Booking Name: Booking would have required more Spanish than the party could muster. Also more forethought. So let's just pretend it was something vaguely appropriate, like Javier Bardem. Yes, that'll do.

The Pub Aforehand: For the name alone it was nearly Gran Beer on Gran Via, but in the end there wasn't enough time for a drink before lunch.

In Attendance: Thali Ho, Lord Of The Dansak.

Expectations: Muted but hopeful. The internet was broadly positive about it.

The Experience:

It is a truism that the Brit abroad, whether he loves the local cuisine or sees it all as funny foreign muck, soon craves traditional British food – and not haggis, fish and chips nor roast beef, but curry. Whether this arises from our much-vaunted love of irony or simply the addictive endorphin release triggered by ingested capsaicin is unclear. But it is also true that curry outposts can be found in the farthest flung of places (see Foreign Curryspondences passim) and large, cosmopolitan cities are almost guaranteed to offer a choice of several.

So the Brit pining for a curry may not need to wait until returning home, and thus it was that – less than 24 hours before their repatriation to Blighty – the Thali Ho could take it no longer and dragged the Lord Of The Dansak to Restaurante Bollywood in Barcelona.

(This, incidentally, was less extreme than the occasion on a previous holiday when she had sought out a curry barely 24 hours after leaving the UK. That was in Lisbon and the resulting curry was fantastic. Thanks to their long history with Goa – and, perhaps, their national cuisine based on salt cod not putting up much of a fight in the flavour stakes – the availability of curry in Portugal is second only to Britain in Europe. There's a top tip you won't get on the Holiday programme.)

After a week of negotiating Spanish menus and taking pot luck with unidentifiable pinchos in bars, everything at Bollywood looked reassuringly familiar. You don't need to dig out the Spanish phrasebook to know what you're getting with channa masala or muttar paneer. Starters included pakoras and samosas, mains included vindaloos and biryanis, and there were thali options. The Lord Of The Dansak was sold.

Inside, the decor is faux-Moghul, there are pictures of "traditional" Indian scenes on the walls and Indian music plays constantly – so reassuringly curryhouse-ish. The tweaks for the Bollywood theme are that the walls are also adorned with posters of Bollywood stars (presumably), and the music comes from TVs showing a loop of Bollywood greatest hits. The parade of colourful, kinetic dance routines was instantly distracting and a frequent conversation-stopper, although it also started a few, trying to answer questions like: "What are they doing on the back of that motorbike?"; "Are those bagpipes I can hear?"; and "Why is she driving a tractor?"

The main giveaway that the restaurant is Spanish not British is the presence of a large rack of red wines and a large chiller cabinet of white wines. Beers are also available, including Cobra and Kingfisher, although the default cerveza is the local Estrella Damm.

Given that the young waiter's first language didn't appear to be Spanish and his English was excellent – and that we were in any case ordering Indian food in Catalonia – it would probably have been appropriate and acceptable just to stick to English. However, a chaotic garble of Spanglish was understood just fine.

Having lived for a week on a diet comprised almost entirely of pig, the Lord Of The Dansak wanted as many vegetables as the restaurant could offer and went straight for the vegetable thali, or "Menu de degustacion vegetariano". The Thali Ho toyed with taking the thali option but couldn't resist the call of a chicken jalfraizi, supplemented by a starter of aloo tikki and a naan. Dishes were offered in "normal" and "spicy" variants, but the chance to find out what a non-spicy curry might taste of was brusquely declined.

The Ho's starter arrived accompanied by three sauces described as "mild" (raita), "spicy" (tamarind) and "hot" (not entirely sure, to be honest). Whatever this last one was, it saw much service as a condiment to add some punch to dishes that were, overall, rather less fiery than the British average. Before the addition of the hot stuff, the aloo tikki was pronounced "pleasant but rather bland".

The Lord's vegetarian thali ... tray chic!

A similar verdict greeted the chicken jalfraizi, which was disappointingly light on the whole chillies that can turn the dish into a spicy Russian roulette. A touch of the special sauce (actually more of a paste, to be honest ... and, come to think of it, rather more than a touch) made it more to her taste.

The vegetable thali received a warmer welcome from Lord Dansak. Although the vegetable biryani was an undistinguished mix of rice and veg, the dal makhni was a savoury delight and the palak paneer was pungently spiced and delicious. A little extra heat from the hot sauce did neither any harm, but they were almost as good unadulterated.

Pakoras were good; a samosa was decent but oddly enormous. And so we come to a tale of two naans: Thali Ho's à la carte naan huge, fluffy and chewable; the Lord Of The Dansak's thali portion thin, tough and rather oily. What does a kitchen do to produce two such different versions of the same order for the same table at the same time? On which naan should they be reviewed?

In the end it makes sense to review Restaurante Bollywood on both, as they reflect the rest of the meal. This is a restaurant capable of fairly good food and fairly average food. Nothing was bad but nothing stood out either. Every dish hovered around "okay".

There are hundreds of similarly mediocre curryhouses around the UK and they're not really worth a second visit. But it's always a pleasant surprise to get a decent curry on the continent, and two punters left Restaurante Bollywood reasonably satisfied.

Range Of Drinks: Lots of reasonably priced Spanish wine; Cobra, Kingfisher and domestic beers; also several whiskies and other spirits.

Highlights: Palak paneer; the special sauce; fascinating procession of big Bollywood numbers on the TVs.

Lowlights: Several dishes skimped on the chillies.

The Verdict: It's not going to be taking over from El Bulli as Catalonia's foremost culinary attraction, but it still serves a decent curry.

The Damage: €30.55 plus tip for two.

SOME PREVIOUS FOREIGN CURRYSPONDENCE
Dateline: Hong Kong!
Tikka MaBaws Versus "The World's Most Dangerous Vindaloo"
Dateline: Buenos Aires!
Dateline: Birmingham Backlash!

Gluttonous Maximus: INDIAN EPIC MEAL TIME

2011-08-04T00:10:00.001+01:00

If you haven't heard of Canadian food guerillas Epic Meal Time, imagine Mounties who like to deep-fry Bountys. These are guys who love bacon so much they shoehorn it into every meal, creating grotesquely oversized versions of common dishes with calorie counts in the upper thousands. It's like Delia meets Jackass, with aggressive, ludicrous narration from unsmiling EMT mastermind Harley Morenstein. And while the results are sometimes grotesque, it's difficult not to admire their Brobdingnagian ambition. After Epic Eggroll ("General Tao sauce ... the lovechild of sugary sweetness and fiery spice!") and Tequila Taco Night ("If you don't marinate your meat in a Ziploc bag, you think too highly of yourself!"), it was surely only a matter of time before they turned their attention to curry? Right? And so it was ...

The Tramps have been aware of this spicy edition of Epic Meal Time for a few months, but held off posting it since it begins with Morenstein barging into a Montreal curryhouse, pulling out a (fake) handgun and waving it in the proprietor's face. Even for a comedic video, that seems a bit much. But once things transition to the kitchen, it gets pretty amazing pretty quickly. Here's the VT:

For the record, that's an onion bhaji the size of a shotputt, some kind of weird triple-layer naan pizza creation with butter curry candy bacon, topped with tandoori meat, plus an equally over-stuffed samosa. And for dessert? Gulab jamun with Jack Daniel's syrup, washed down with bacon curry Jack Daniel's shots. Amazing or appalling? You decide.

But here's a final thought from the Tramps: would Epic Meal Time be willing to take on Ayr's notorious Buckfast Korma?

Take korma yourself ... and each other.

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC "NEWS" POSTS
Those English Curry Awards 2011 Winners In Full ...
An Interactive Investigation Into The Inherently Unsatisfying Nature Of Curry-Based Videogames
Goin' For The Double With Curry Capital 2011
"Drunk Scotttish Dwarf", Recommmended By Ooor Paaal

Those English Curry Awards 2011 Winners In Full ...

2011-07-28T00:03:00.286+01:00

Hear ye, hear ye ... for the first ever hungryhouse.co.uk English Curry Awards took place this past Monday, and verily were there plenty o' winners. This newborn sassenach sibling of the Scottish Curry Awards was held at the opulent Sheridan Suite venue in Manchester, with over 700 guests on-site to celebrate the occasion. The requisite spicy banter came from compere Jeff Mirza (who is also headed for Edinburgh for the Fringe) and a commendable amount of money was raised for the Association for Spina Bifida and Hydrocephalus. Sounds like a good bash!

Sadly, the Tramps weren't able to attend but thanks to our Twitter buddies at the Curry Council – deservedly nominated in the Curry Lover of the Year category, and pictured above looking way smarter than the Tramps ever did at either of the Curry Awards they attended – there was a blow-by-blow account of the warm-up, the meal, the entertainment and the award proceedings.

(It would be nice if TATTGOC's interest was predicated entirely on the general celebration and promotion of curry, but the Tramps were also keen to keep a close eye on the various English winners, the better to assess what cities posed a significant threat to Glasgow's teetering Curry Capital crown. Keep your jalfrezis close ... but your nooris closer.)

So ... who won what, then?

Here's the rundown, with some sudden congestion when it comes to the Takeaway of the Year and Restaurant of the Year categories, because there were also many well-deserved regional winners. As with the Scottish Curry Awards, the first one to be announced on the night was Curry Lover of the Year, where the nominees were the Curry Council, cricketer Mike Gatting and The Soldiers' Charity (organisers of recent the Big Curry initiative). So how did it go down?

Curry Lover of the Year: The Soldiers' Charity

Best Supermarket Curry: Waitrose

Team of the Year: Nawaab, Manchester

Chef of the Year: Gurpareet Bains, Indian Superfood (and creator of "the world's healthiest meal")

Caterer of the Year: Chak 89, London

No ties on us! Cafe Masala bagsied the Takeaway of the Year award

Takeaway of the Year Regional Winners:
North East: Cafe Spice Heaton, Newcastle-Upon-Tyne
North West: Saajan, Manchester
Yorkshire: Cafe Masala, Sheffield
East Midlands: Out Of India, Leicestershire
West Midlands: Malik's Indian Takeaway, Chesterton (here's the proof)
East: Moghul Tandoori, Cambridge
London: Tiffin Tin West, Hampstead
South East: Tehani, Southampton
South West: Papa Raj, Plymouth

Overall Takeaway of the Year Winner: Cafe Masala, Sheffield

Naan solo: Bradford's Mumtaz claimed the overall Restaurant of the Year

Restaurant of the Year Regional Winners:
North East: The Rupali Restaurant, Newcastle
North West: Indian Ocean, Ashton-Under-Lyne (be like us and follow them on Twitter)
Yorkshire: Mumtaz, Bradford
East Midlands: Curry Lounge, Nottingham (featured on Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares)
West Midlands: Asha's Restaurant, Birmingham
East: The Curry Queen Restaurant, Cambridge
London: Tamarind, London (they've got a Michelin star!)
South East: 4500 Miles From Delhi, Oxford
South West: The Eastern Eye, Bath (hey, we've reviewed these guys!)

Overall Restaurant of the Year Winner: Mumtaz, Bradford

Sanjay Anand MBE (left) cradles his Lifetime Achievement award

Lifetime Achievement Award: Sanjay Anand, Madhu's

Akbar's founder Shabir Hussain (left) receives his Curry King gong

Curry King/Queen 2011: Shabir Hussain, Akbar's

So, what have we learned? Bradford and Sheffield have made a strong showing, so we should keep an eye out for them when it comes to the Curry Capital. Also, seriously, if you haven't visited the Mumtaz website to check out their impressive testimonials (including David Cameron, Dawn French, Frank Bruno and Queen Elizabeth II) and the awesome background music, with sax solo and a female voice intoning "Mumtaaaaz" like it was WipeOut 2097, you really need to do it RIGHT NOW.

On a semi-serious note, every winner (and many of the nominees) in the regional categories already had their own dedicated website. And while it might not seem that important to have a web presence if you're running a restaurant focused on serving the local community, it's generally much nicer if the very first search result in Google is your own modest, dedicated homepage rather than some ill-informed, poorly-spelled review from some half-assed restaurant-aggregation site.

Until next time ...

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC NEWS POSTS
An Interactive Investigation Into The Inherently Unsatisfying Nature Of Curry-Based Videogames
Goin' For The Double With Curry Capital 2011
"Drunk Scotttish Dwarf", Recommmended By Ooor Paaal
Tweet Chilli: TATTGOC's Search For Some Real Twitter Characters

REVIEW: Charing-A-Ding-Ding!

2011-07-21T00:04:00.119+01:00

Punjabi Charing Cross

The Time: July 14, 8.15pm

Booking Name: Lloyd Kaufman

The Pub Aforehand: The Avalon, nr Mitchell Library

In Attendance: Trampy, The Tramp, The Duke, The Gheezer, Ravi Peshwari, Rabbie Shankar and Onion Bah-G

Decor: Formerly a pub, the Punjabi refit has retained the large original bar but refreshed the rest of the spacious room, with Parma Violet walls, carefully deployed art and a logo-ed mirror. Very attractive hanging baskets outside too ...

Expectations: TATTGOC rated the original Punjabi near Ibrox, so hopes were high for this brand extension, not least because Hector over at Curry-Heute had given it the thumbs-up.

The Experience:

TATTGOC’s ramshackle constitution isn’t just a founding document – it can sometimes be a confounding one as well. There may be some truths in there that are held to be self-evident – nae credit cards allowed – but there’s also scope for interpretation. Technically, the Curry Club isn’t supposed to visit any curryhouses that are part of a chain. But wasn’t there a visit to Shimla Pinks one Christmas? And now this latest conundrum: the venerable Southside curryhouse Punjabi, which TATTGOC visited earlier this year, recently opened a second venue at Charing Cross. Does that constitute a chain? Is this second Punjabi out-of-bounds? Well?

(Click here to read on ...)

After a legislative hearing that went on late into the night, the Tramps decided that the Punjabi Charing Cross was a legitimate TATTGOC target because ... well, cos they said so. That’s what comes from living in a Trampocracy. Partly, it was because they had very much enjoyed their visit to the original Punjabi back in April, and it would be an opportunity to compare and contrast curries with that outing still relatively fresh in their minds. Also, since Punjabi Charing Cross had taken over premises that had previously been various pubs, it would be the first time TATTGOC had ever gone to a curryhouse that had formerly been a pub they had also visited beforehand on a curry outing. It would be going a level deeper into the curry dream. It would be like ...

I N C E P T I O N

That was the theory, in any case. The weird, possibly dreamy theory of déjà vu was elevated by the decision to meet up in the Avalon beforehand, a Charing Cross houff that has been host to the Curry Club not once but twice before. With its comfy seats, reasonable prices and lounge (with dartboard) this is one Avalon that almost lives up to its mythical name. Usually, Trampy and The Tramp are the first to set up shop in the pub waiting for the rest of the Club to assemble, but on this fateful and balmy night, Trampy skidded through the doorway a good 15 minutes late to see The Duke, The Gheezer and Rabbie Shankar already settled in. TATTGOC’s burly co-founder had been held up for the most agreeable of reasons – an extended whisky tasting to introduce the new Laphroaig Triple Cask variation to market. Smoky and a little sozzled, he took his stool and earwigged as The Duke and The Gheezer recounted their recent gig-going experience witnessing The Sisters Of Mercy. It sounded like an epic engagement ...

In due course, The Tramp arrived, with Ravi Peshwari and the man known only as Onion Bah-G in tow. Seven has always seemed a lucky number for TATTGOC outings – in fact, it was a shabbily magnificent seven that visited the original Punjabi back in April. (It can make the final bill a little tricker to work out, but only because Trampy insists on trying to do it in his head.) After a quick libation and a gossipy catch-up, the assembled squad ambled round the corner to the nearby Punjabi. Last time they had wandered through the doors, the venue was called Mitchell’s and it was precursor to a curry at Sibbo’s Delhi Dhabba that remains one of the most divisive experiences in TATTGOC history. Would this outing be equally dramatic?

Probably not, judging by the warm and relaxed welcome. The crew settled themselves into an expansive table up the back, preloaded with plentiful poppadoms and dips. With Cobra on tap, they logged an order for a mere six pints, as football gaffer Ravi Peshwari was keeping off the booze (surprising, considering the stress of organising the weekly TATTGOC-affiliated fitba night). What had formerly been quite a downtrodden pub had been done up in style: classy, but still comfortable. The prospect of getting high quality food in bar-like surroundings brought to mind the nearby Chinaski’s in its prime. A considerable amount of time had passed since the last official meet-up, so spicy appetites were whetted.

Silence descended as our heroes scanned the menu, the Tramps beginning to plot their starter strategy. But there was no need. The head waiter – perhaps owner? – subtly caught their eye and made a proposal: he’d sort out a range of starters for everyone to share. Always keen to shirk off any responsibility, the Tramps enthusiastically agreed. Were there any vegetarians? No, they replied firmly. Oh, except Onion Bah-G. That apparently would not be a problem. Starter situation taken care of! They could get used to this ...

The starters arrived very promptly – so promptly, in fact, that there hadn’t even been a chance to place the order for the mains. But the Curry Club have never been ones to delay gratification, so the handsomely-bound menus were carelessly tossed to one side once the chow touched down. There were six spicy lamb chops, succulent, delicious and easy to divvy up. Also mixed pakora, and – for veggie Onion Bah-G – another discrete portion of fish pakora with dip. These were all starters well-known to these TATTGOC veterans. Less familiar were the two keema padoras; light, fluffy breads topped with spicy mince. It would be reductive, if not entirely inaccurate, to describe them as spicy mince pizzas, but they were absolutely delicious. It was almost as if the owner had read TATTGOC's mind, or placed a love of padoras into their collective consciousness. In other words, an example of ...

M I N C E P T I O N

Such tasty starters didn’t last long, and the Tramps were champing at the bit to get their main order in, particularly considering the longueurs during the last official outing. The crew announced their individual intentions crisply and clearly. The notorious rice/naan equation? On one hand, the Tramps erred on the side of caution by ordering just two portions of rice. On the other, they tore up the rulebook and stuffed its tattered remains dismissively into their gobs by abandoning the traditional plain/garlic/peshwari mantra of naan-ordering. Instead, in unspoken agreement, they took things up a notch by ordering garlic, peshwari and the tantalising kashmiri. For who really wants plain naan when you could try something spicier?

Talk turned to some of the boisterous celebrations surrounding The Tramp’s imminent nuptials, but none of the anecdotes are particularly suitable for recounting here. Elsewhere in the restaurant, there were signs of satisfied tables arriving and leaving, and one TATTGOC scout reported that there was a private dining room (with its own bar) downstairs. For Trampy, this portion of the evening passed in a bit of a blur, possibly because of the amount of Laphroaig he had consumed earlier. There was a fair amount of analysis of the TATTGOC-affiliated football night, and a general expression of relief that the level of catastrophic injuries had settled down after the absolute bloody carnage of the first few fixtures.

Before long, the mains began to arrive. The Gheezer and Ravi Peshwari had doubled up and both gone for Chicken Tikka Punjabi, while Rabbie Shankar had gone for the chef’s speciality Chicken On The Bone. The Duke had opted for Lamb Tikka Karahi, while the Tramps had gone for Lamb Noori and Lamb Shakuti in their respective Ant-and-Dec order. For veggie Onion Bah-G, it was King Prawn Sweet Chilli Tiger, which smelled delicious. Somehow, room was found on the table for the three enormous naans, but when the rice arrived it became clear that the equation had been slightly misjudged; an order for another portion was placed, and it arrived promptly. Needless to say, a’body got wired in.

With the additional rice, there was plenty of food to go round, and the dishes were passed around accompanied by appreciative murmurs. The Tramp praised the creamy spice of his Shakuti, and the pungent onion notes of Trampy's Lamb Noori also received a thumbs-up. Pretty much all of the enormous naans were devoured, and with (mostly) clean plates and karahis, it felt like an agreeable feast but not an overpowering one. As the plates were being cleared, there was an unexpected fillip when a round of whiskies was proposed, an ancient TATTGOC tradition that had been mothballed with the advent of the credit crunch. And so, it was an uncharacteristically sophisticated finale to one of the more enjoyable TATTGOC outings in recent memory. Swaying slightly for the photos outside, the four Clubbers who had been to both the original Punjabi and the new version found it hard to choose a favourite, suggesting a return visit to the Ibrox original may be on the cards sometime in TATTGOC's glowing future.

It was a different four Clubbers who pitched up back at the Avalon for a cheeky nightcap. And while those four souls were sitting in the pub, nursing their pints, suddenly the same idea jumped into their heads. Because what's more powerful than an idea? An idea involving arrows and numbers ...

I I I I I N N N . . . O N E

Range Of Drinks: Cobra and others on tap, and a well-stocked bar of spirits.

Highlights: Delectable starters, solid main courses, warm and laidback service.

Lowlights: Almost £4 for a pint of Cobra? Jinkeys!

The Verdict: Another charming experience!

The Damage: £153.50 (tip: £16.50)

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC OUTINGS
The Khyber, nr Shields Road
Punjabi, Paisley Road West
Rasoi, Partick Cross
Agra, Anniesland

Wii Or Ghee? An Interactive Investigation Into The Inherently Unsatisfying Nature Of Curry-Based Videogames

2011-07-14T00:01:00.003+01:00

Long-time readers of Trampy and The Tramp's Glasgow of Curry may not be too surprised to learn that videogaming is an important keystone in the Tramps' hand-built cultural dyke, balanced precariously somewhere alongside spicy Indian food, the Ultimate Fighting Championship and the music of Bob Seger. (Actually, that last one might just be Trampy.) These guys have had deep and meaningful relationships with digital characters as antithetical as easy-to-draw Codemasters cash-cow Dizzy and quick-on-the-draw Rockstar cowboy John Marston. But there's rarely been a chance for the Tramps to enjoy both videogames and curry at the same time, unless it was grabbing at a Papa Gill's mixed pakora between Focus Attacks and Ultra Combos in Super Street Fighter IV. And despite their recent discovery of the online Flash game Classic Chicken Curry, that rarity looks set to continue. But don't take our word for it ... have a go yourself!

(Click here to test your curry cooking skills ...)

So as you can see, Classic Chicken Curry is your classic meal-assembly-simulator, a niche gaming sub-genre currently dominated by the mighty Cooking Mama franchise, and one that also benefits mightily from motion-control, where you can simulate chopping onions maniacally with a Wii remote safe in the knowledge your digits won't become unexpectedly detached. The cramped environs of a Flash game will always struggle to mimic the fun of Wii flailing, and the linear nature of Classic Chicken Curry means it's not so much a point-and-click adventure as a point-and-click checklist. In fact, any transcribed videogame solution walkthrough would pretty much double as the recipe: "Finely chop the onions, garlic and green chillies. Toss bowls into nearby tropical waterfall. Then pour an entire bottle of olive oil into a preheated pan ..."

So this initial dip into the raita of curry videogames was a little disappointing for TATTGOC. Still, it could be worse: retired videogame legend Dizzy could be ambushed by a broadsword-wielding gorgon demanding he concoct a curry out of his eggy brethren within a frankly prohibitive time limit. They would never allow that, right?

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC "NEWS" POSTS
Goin' For The Double With Curry Capital 2011
"Drunk Scotttish Dwarf", Recommmended By Ooor Paaal
Tweet Chilli: TATTGOC's Search For Some Real Twitter Characters
TATTGOC 2011: The Director's Cut ...

Tastin' With The Tramps: Waitrose Hot And Fiery Salad!

2011-07-07T00:39:00.206+01:00

The distinguished members of TATTGOC sure do love their curry, as evidenced by their outdated title of Curry Lovers Of The Year 2010. But their ongoing quest for spicy satisfaction isn't merely limited to TATTGOC's regular excursions to some of Glasgow's hidden-gem curryhouses. If they happen across almost any curry-related foodstuff or product, Trampy and The Tramp feel compelled to take it for a spin – and thus was born the irregular feature Tastin' With The Tramps, where TATTGOC's burly founders crack open the Kingfisher and get their laughing gear round something fiery. What curry-related foodstuff or product is in the hot seat this time? It's relatively new ground for the Tramps, as they pit their own bad selves against Waitrose's Hot And Fiery Salad ... with special guest reviewer, Mumbai Me A Pony!

(Click here to read more ...)

The Product: This brand-new seasonal salad has just landed on Waitrose shelves, and will be available all summer long at £1.49 a bag. The Hot And Fiery Salad contains nasturtium leaves, Greek cress, inferno rocket and red coral leaf. While Trampy was browsing the Waitrose salad aisle, he also popped a bag of Inferno Rocket Salad into his basket since that also sounded quite hot and manly. (For the record, Trampy had only previously ventured into Waitrose to purchase two of his desert island luxury items: St Peter's India Pale Ale and Barry Norman's Pickled Onions.) The Inferno Rocket Salad – also priced at £1.49 a bag – contains, rather predictably, sheafs of inferno rocket but also red chard and red butterhead. None of these are particularly familiar-sounding ingredients, so the Tramps were excited! (And nervous!)

The Pitch: From the press release introducing Hot And Fiery Salad: This mouth-tingling new creation by Waitrose is dubbed "man-salad" linking it to the macho trend in trying to find the hottest curry dish or chilli sauce on the market. Waitrose experts have carefully selected a mix of leaves to give the new Hot And Fiery Salad the biggest possible taste kick. The eye-watering combination contains inferno rocket and nasturtium leaves that are exclusive to the supermarket. Greek cress and radish leaves complete the peppery mix whilst butterhead leaves give the salad added crunch and texture. Waitrose Salad Buyer Rhonwen Cunningham said: “British food tastes have changed drastically over the past 60 years and hot, spicy foods such as curry have become a staple part of our diet. Salads are changing because of this trend so we decided to man-up our bagged salad aisle by launching what we believe is the hottest mix of leaves ever sold by a supermarket.” Them's fighting words!

The Packaging: Just yer usual clear salad bags, albeit with "new" stickers on them to attract the roving eye of passing shoppers. The names of the salads are also printed in red, to identify and underline their inherent hotness, presumably.

The Process: Clearly, the Tramps weren't just going to sit down and nibble salad like a pair of goddamn rabbits. They needed a suitably spicy foil for these extravagant leaves. Waitrose seemed confident that their fiery arrangement could compete alongside proper curry flavours, so the fragrant Mumbai Me A Pony arranged a delivery of mixed grill tandoori from the nearby Southside takeaway Cafe Serena, which had come highly recommended from a credible source. How did she arrange this delivery? By getting The Tramp to pick it up on his way home from work. And so these three currynauts sat down to a delightful spread of tandoori treats, rich curry sauce, rice, naan, ice-cold Kingfisher ... and two bowls of "man-salad". How did it all go down?

Trampy says: "The only salad I associate with curry is the often tired-looking garnish that turns up alongside a portion of mixed pakora, which I usually refrain from consuming. But I was happy to make an exception in this case as the salad bowls gave our tandoori feast a patina of healthiness it may otherwise have lacked. The Hot And Fiery Salad had more of a kick to it, I thought, with some of the smaller leaves having unexpectedly powerful effects. These salads are apparently only available for the summer so I would consider buying them again, but if I was down to my last £1.49 in Waitrose I'd probably bank it and put it towards a future jar of Barry Norman's Pickled Onions, which were introduced to me by Rogan Josh Homme. Those onions are really spicy, and awesome."

The Tramps says: "I like salad anyway but I don't like to mess around with tomato or cucumber. I just like rocket, onions, peppers ... the spicy stuff. So it's good to see Waitrose rocking the hot leaves. I can see why they're marketing it as man-salad but I really don't think it's that hard to get guys to eat their greens. But if I was standing looking at a whole cooler aisle full of salads in bags, I would probably be drawn to these two. Especially the Inferno Rocket. That's a great name! It sounds like a motorcycle from hell. I wasn't familiar with all of the leaves in these selections but I was generally impressed by the spicy kick. But as much as I'd like to recommend the salads, I'd also recommend Cafe Serena, our new favourite takeaway. Their mixed grill is dynamite."

Mumbai Me A Pony says: "I thought the little lilypads or four-leaf clovers – maybe it's the Greek cress? – were particularly spicy. There were also a few sweet leaves in there too. I was impressed that these salads held their own against the mixed grill. They certainly helped freshen the palate, but if forced to choose I would probably rate the Hot And Fiery over the Inferno Rocket."

The Verdict: Remember that press release? Where they called the selection of salad leaves an "eye-watering combination"? Turns out they were right, 'cos when Trampy foolishly rubbed his right eye after handling Hot And Fiery Salad, much redness ensued (a quick eye-bath soon soothed away the pain). "I think it's particularly amusing that this salad gave Trampy a bloodshot eye," said The Tramp, repeatedly, into the official TATTGOC Dictaphone, to ensure his views were accurately recorded in the write-up. So, even with minor injuries, it's a pretty strong thumbs-up from the Tramps for "man-salad" ... and a hearty cheer for Cafe Serena too!

Do you have a curry-related foodstuff you're launching into the crowded modern marketplace where a recommendation from appropriate enthusiasts might help? If so, drop us an introductory line at trampyandthetramp@trampyandthetramp.com and see YOUR product featured on ... Tastin' With The Tramps!

PREVIOUSLY CONSUMED ON TASTIN' WITH THE TRAMPS
Anita's Chips!
The Pot Noodle GTi!
Mr Singh's Curry Pies!
The Pot Noodle Fightback!

Goin' For The Double With Curry Capital 2011

2011-06-30T00:06:00.022+01:00

The 2010 winning squad, plus some dude in a chain

It's never a good idea to rest on your laurels – trust the Tramps on this one – so when it was recently announced that the resurgent Curry Capital of Britain competition was cranking up for 2011, current title-holder Glasgow was one of the first cities to through their hat into the ring. Last year, the crack team of Balbir's, Koolba, Mother India and Mr Singh's India brought the spicy trophy back to Glasgow ... but can they make it two in a row? Or will Bradford or Wolverhampton (or Leicester, or Birmingham) snatch the crown? Close reading of the Curry Capital website reveals that Glasgow only won by two points last year, so it looks like it's going to be close ...

So how will it all go down?

Seventeen cities have already been invited to take part in Curry Capital 2011, and others are welcome to apply if they like. As per last year, the first stage requires the public to vote for their favourite restaurants, and when these votes are totted up, a team of four curryhouses is selected to represent each city as a team of spicy ambassadors. Voting for this stage closes on August 26, and you can do it online, by phone or by post.

Full details about voting in Glasgow are here.

By voting, you get entered into a prize draw to win a year's supply of Cobra beer (which, after we phoned to confirm, is apparently 12 cases) plus a year's supply of Patak's products, including sauces, naans, poppadoms, chutney and pickle. Sounds good!

After the votes are worked out, the teams will be announced at the start of September, and then there's some other business, including National Curry Week running October 9-15, before the overall winner is announced on November 1. Seems miles away but it'll be here before you know it.

So might Glasgow make it two in a row? We think it probably could, and will be throwing TATTGOC's considerable weight behind the bid. Although it probably wouldn't hurt to go for a full redesign for the campaign? The current early branding, though nice enough, seems like little more than a palette swap of 2010. And if you're striving for two-in-a-row, you gotta want it. You gotta crave it. You gotta earn it! So start voting for your favourite restaurant, because with your help, Glasgow could again poppadominate!

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC NEWS POSTS
"Drunk Scotttish Dwarf", Recommmended By Ooor Paaal
Tweet Chilli: TATTGOC's Search For Some Real Twitter Characters
TATTGOC 2011: The Director's Cut ...
For Puris Only: The Lost TATTGOC Primer

"Drunk Scotttish Dwarf", Recommmended By Ooor Paaal

2011-06-23T00:36:00.001+01:00

KEY QUOTE: "I'm frae Glasgae, stay in Glasgae, brought up in Glasgae ... this is the hottest place in the world, by the way ... Curry Hell!"

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC "NEWS" POSTS
Tweet Chilli: TATTGOC's Search For Some Real Twitter Characters
TATTGOC 2011: The Director's Cut ...
For Puris Only: The Lost TATTGOC Primer
Those Scottish Curry Awards 2011 Winners In Full ...

Tweet Chilli: TATTGOC's Search For Some Real Twitter Characters

2011-06-16T00:03:00.496+01:00

You'd always expect the Tramps to be teetering on the bleeding ledge of digitalism – we're talking about guys who don't just push the envelope but usually lick it for good measure. And as well as THIS VERY BLOG, which is updated WEEKLY, they've also got a reasonably popular Facebook group, to which you are all warmly invited. But what about the new microblogging sensation known as Twitter? Is it the future of global communication and citizen journalism, or little more than 140 characters in search of a plot? After dipping their toes into the cyber-ether last year (you may remember The Tramp live-tweeting the Scottish Curry Awards 2010 over at @buggenhagen), the Tramps recently jumped in headfirst with their golly-things-are-serious-now joint account @tattgoc.

OK, so everyone immediately follows Lady Gaga, Stephen Fry and Lily Allen, but what if you're obsessed with Glasgow, curry and Glasgow curry? From a spicy perspective, where are the real characters on Twitter? Let's go find 'em!

1. GLASGOW CURRYHOUSES, THEN

(Click here to read on ...)

You might think Twitter represents a fantastic new way to connect with your favourite curryhouse, right? Perhaps ... but mucking around with 140 characters is, perhaps correctly, pretty far down the list of priorities for most restaurants. Most channel their time and resources into what's happening in the bricks-and-mortar of meatspace rather than the virtual realm. If Glasgow curryhouses have an online strategy it's presumably focused on maintaining a robust online ordering system, either of their own – like the sturdy Ashoka chain – or in conjuction with one of the growing legion of one-stop carryout websites like Just-Eat or Hungry House.

Even high-end destinations like @dahkin and @thedhabba have put down placeholders but little else (at the very least, you'd think they might follow each other, since they're owned by the same folk). There's also not much going on at @motherindiaglas, sadly. On the plus side, Mister Singh's India – which has an impressively robust online presence with their own website and even a separate blog – tweets a fair bit over at @MisterSinghs, while the Merchant City's Cafe India feed – @CafeIndiaGlw – may be sporadic but has a real sense of personality ("now that's more like it! A SUNNY Friday!").

In TATTGOC's rose-tinted dreamworld, curryhouses would occasionally tweet messages and pictures from "behind the curtain"; candid snaps of slow-cooked curries, the hushed preparation of secret spice mixes and chefs poring over fading handwritten recipes, yellowed and cracked like pirate treasure maps. But maybe that's just us ...

2. CURRY CELEBRITIES?

Twitter is a limitless playground of love for celebrities, albeit one in which they can lord it over 1m+ followers but still maintain some sort of social plexiglass to insulate themselves from genuine contact. So perhaps it might offer a chance to keep in touch with some spicy titans? Actor and karahi godmother Madhur Jaffrey is on there, over at @madhursworld, but after following her for a while and not hearing that much, the Tramps decided to disengage. C'mon, if she's not going to follow back, then pffft. (In other words, we're madhurs hell and we're not going to take this anymore.)

Of the other folk that TATTGOC considers curry celebrities, you can hear what's on the mind of @gillcharan, and also @dominikdiamond (although he does seem to be more active on Facebook). Iain Banks has managed to remain aff it, but crime, beer and curry fan Ian Rankin – @beathhigh – is never aff it. To date, there's no sign of Curry Lover of the Year 2011 Tam Cowan, although you can keep up with runner-up Hector over at @curry_heute.

Of the next generation of curry titans, everyone loves Anjum Anand of the BBC2 show Indian Food Made Easy. But while she does have a nice website, she has no official presence on Twitter, apart from an account run by her publishers Quadrille to promote her recent I Love Curry book (over at @ILoveCurry). Fair enough ... but that hasn't stopped a few enterprising souls trying to hijack Anand's good, presumably potentially profitable name. In the few months we've been kicking about on Twitter, our daily, hourly, practically minute-ly searches for curry content have revealed at least three fake Anand accounts burbling with useless spam, including this one, a craven attempt to hoodwink Jamie O and Nigella L:

For shame. For shame.

3. OK, WHATABOUT FOLK JUST CALLED "CURRY"?

No sign of Bugsy Malone star and Saturday Picture Show host Mark Curry ...

:(

But there is the highly entertaining account from BBC Scotland sportsman David Currie who, thankfully, doesn't just talk about football all the time over on @mrdavidcurrie. TATTGOC has been admiring this correspondernt from afar since he agreed to try Cafe India's hottest curry alongside Miss Scotland earlier this year for The Sun. (Read the whole sorry tale here.) The bold Currie even occasionally tweets about our favourite foodstuff – "Sportsnews curry night latest. top three so far in no particular order Mother India, Balbirs Cafe India. Even had two 'celeb' suggestions" – but even his general banter is reliably great, especially when he initiates "Tap Trumps", the game he devised with his wife in which they stage their own mini Old Firm match by totting up how many football tops of each stripe they clock during a shopping trip:

But possibly even higher in TATTGOC's estimation is former America's Next Top Model winner, videogames geek and self-styled "mistress of the dorks" Adrianne Curry, who spills her soul to 200,000+ followers over at @AdrianneCurry ...

As an in-demand model, actress and spokesperson, Curry is a fitness fanatic with formidable discipline, who often tweets about her various kickboxing workouts. In fact, if we're being brutally honest, she doesn't really talk all that much about curry. Instead, she tweets a lot about her continually-evolving life philosophy, her long-standing love of Nine Inch Nails and the awesomeness of videogames. Oh, and cosplaying.

She sometimes tweets cosplaying photos too.

Uh, so there's that. What were we talking about again?

4. BUT THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE WINNER ...

So who is the most characterful character TATTGOC has found thus far on Twitter? The man who, whenever we considered throwing in the towel, instantly brought us back from the brink with a dizzying cocktail of entitled vainglory, improvised spelling and certified gibberish? It could only be one man. Because only one man has, in their lifetime, maintained both a close working relationship with Charles Bronson and an impressively well-appointed "bedroom area":

And that man is @mrmichaelwinner. Even better, as a long-serving restaurant critic for The Sunday Times, the polarising writer/director sometimes even tweets his fleeting thoughts about curry:

The only problem is, since Winner is often "retiring to bedroom area" at around 8pm, there's not much late-night lunacy on the cards. But then, if you're in the market for late-night lunacy, isn't that why you bought the complete Death Wish DVD boxset in the first place? [Bronson fingergun]

What say thee? Have The Tramps missed out on some cracking Twitter characters? Let us know in the comments below or, perhaps more appropriately, send 'em along to @tattgoc

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC "NEWS" POSTS
TATTGOC 2011: The Director's Cut ...
For Puris Only: The Lost TATTGOC Primer
Those Scottish Curry Awards 2011 Winners In Full ...
Trampy And The Tramp's Curry *Loves* Of The Year

REVIEW: Curry On Up The Khyber

2011-06-09T00:02:00.003+01:00

The Khyber, nr Shields Road

The Time: June 2, 8.30pm

Booking Name: Mr Chris Cameron!

The Place Aforehand: The Tramp’s new Southside base.

In Attendance: Trampy, The Tramp, The Bulldosa, The Duke, Rumpole Of The Balti, Ravi Peshwari, Rogan Josh Homme and possibly nervous first-timer Greg.

Decor: While the actual room and furniture are pretty functional, there’s plenty of stuff on the walls at The Khyber, including some nice rugs, a picture of a rose and a wicked ceremonial dagger (perhaps wisely situated behind the main counter).

Expectations: The Khyber got a thumbs-up in The Herald, and Hector over at Curry-Heute liked it too. So, yeah, expectations were warmly optimistic.

The Experience:

So. The Tramps – and by extension, the entire TATTGOC brotherhood – are no longer Curry Lovers of the Year, having passed the weighty mantle to that man Tam Cowan. Aroondaboot this time last year, though, when the Curry Club were still pure flying from their first Scottish Curry Awards win, they travelled en masse to Chillies West End. In their misplaced triumphalism, drunk on their own spicy awesomeness, they committed one of the most heinous ordering cock-ups in TATTGOC’s long, increasingly shopworn history. (Stories are still told of that fateful evening, where The Tramps had to cart away roughly half the food ordered in a doggy bag.)

With this lasting shame in mind, where best to go for TATTGOC’s first post-Curry Awards 2011 outing? Trampy had been keeping an eye on the new-ish Pakistani Café at the bottom of Byres Road since persistent rumours had reached his ears that a special curry/India Pale Ale night was in the offing as part of Glasgow Beer Week. (As it turned out, this proposed night failed to materialise – a pity, for Tryst Brewery’s Raj IPA sounds grand.) For his part, The Tramp was in the midst of relocating from sunny Partick to sunny Pollokshields – a venue south of the river would possible suit him better. When those fine TATTGOC supporters at Kingfisher sent along a couple of commiserative crates of their fine lager, an idea arrived fully formed in the minds of the Tramps: a social meet-up at the Tramp’s new house to tan some Kingfisher, then a short amble down to St Andrews Road to try out The Khyber. At the very least, the report’s headline would take care of itself ...

(Click here to read on ...)

And so it came to pass that an octonautical crew of Curry Clubbers descended on the moving-in chaos of The Tramp and Mumbai Me A Pony for a pre-curry libation. Among their number was Greg, presumably nervous about his first time at Curry Club, but hiding it well. The customary “hazing” – in which the Tramps and others attempt to convince the newest initiate that custom dictates they pick up the entire tab at their first outing, worked about as well as it did with Bobo Balti (that is to say, it didn’t work at all). If anyone was disappointed that the Tramps had failed to retain their heavyweight curry-lovin’ title, no-one mentioned it.

So why The Khyber? The Tramps had first clocked the premises when the shopfront was being refitted, noticing a sign in the window promising “Scotland’s first Afghani restaurant”. Since opening earlier this year, it has received an excellent write-up in The Herald from Ron MacKenna, a man who knows his onions, even if he writes about them in a stream-of-consciousness style that’s part-foodie hymn, part-Christmas round-robin letter about people you’ve never heard of. The Khyber had also been highly recommended by Hector over at the Curry-Heute blog, who has been at least three times. (“Starve yourselves before The Khyber,” he suggested via Twitter upon hearing TATTGOC’s plan. “Huge portions, or have starters and share ...”). There would definitely be spicy lamb, which was tempting enough.

Running just a little bit late, our eight currynauts ambled down toward Shields Road, more than one remarking at how they had been sure to forego overeating at lunch the better to enjoy their meal. (As often occurs, poor Ravi Peshwari, whose work canteen offers curry every Thursday, was bracing himself for another spicy “doubler”.) Upon arriving, the Curry Club were ushered by their dapper waiter into a pleasantly cosy booth at the window. They pored over the menu, keen to find out what was on offer. Some curryhouse menus are so overwhelming and/or comprehensive that ordering for eight guys becomes a logistical nightmare: The Khyber keeps things relatively stripped-down with just two laminated pages, which suggested agreement – or at least, detente – could be achieved relatively quickly. Or so you might think ...

This was the first restaurant that TATTGOC had visited where the main dishes were ordered by weight – and so a long debate started about the relative merits of a kilogram versus a half-kilo. The rice/naan selection, and possibly equation, would be simple enough, but working out the starters – from a tasty-sounding selection of kebabs – would take some artistry too, especially as everyone seemed keen to make bum jokes about the lamb “boti kebab”. For around 15 minutes, the debate trundled on ... until the Tramps imposed their will by attempting to make things as simple as possible. The assembled would order four different starter kebabs, to share, and four kilos of main dishes (since there were four options, it seemed a good opportunity to try them all). What about drinks? With no beers on the menu, mango lassi seemed like the way to go. The Tramp held these multiple integers and options in his head, preparing to order.

While all this was going on, there was a steady stream of takeaway customers threading through the restaurant, and a couple of tables of diners enjoying what seemed to be fragrant and spicy food. With this level of activity, it took a little while to attract the waiter but in time the ordering process begun. When hearing the original starters plan, the waiter suggested a couple of bumper mixed grills instead, which covered most of the same bases and potentially offered a bit more meat. The assembled agreed enthusiastically.

As for mains, the debate about how many kilos to order occasionally eventually resembled a marketplace haggling, albeit one heading unexpectedly downwards. Instead of four kilos of curry, three would probably be a good starting point. The Tramp was happy to sacrifice the chicken curry, with everyone being more interested in the lamb and the “dum pukh” cooked with Khyber spices. (This was a speciality dish Trampy had encountered only once before, at Maryhill’s The Killermont Polo Club.) After a bit more discussion, the final decision was rejigged to various half-kilos, with the additional reinstatement of a chicken karahi. There was also the rapid ordering of three rice and three naan (two plain, one garlic) on top. With that part of the negotiation over, it was time to order drinks, which boiled down to a jug of mango lassi and, for the ever-inquisitive Rumpole Of The Balti, an Afghan green tea.

Then the crew relaxed, safe in the knowledge a fine spicy feast awaited them. They knew the lamb in the main dishes would be on the bone, but that did not daunt them. The tantalising odours from other tables had entranced then, which was actually slightly unfortunate as it took almost another hour for the starters to arrive. This wouldn’t have quite been as unfortunate if the lassis had materialised any earlier, but instead the Curry Club were left to their own devices for a considerable length of time. Luckily, there was never any shortage of chat ... or, in the case of Bulldosa and Rumpole, amusing mime.

After a couple of bathroom trips to somehow psychologically hurry along the mixed grills, they arrived, spitting and sizzling and looking delicious. There was also, in time, a jug of sweet mango lassi. The ravenous crew pounced upon them, rarely pausing to appreciate the minty sauce that accompanied the chunks of lamb, chicken and minced seekh kebab. Even the salad dish was hoovered clean, and the combined experience was given a collective thumbs-up. After this meat injection, the temporarily-sated crew began discussing, in the vaguest possible terms, the forthcoming stag do for The Tramp. Would there be a curry element among the celebrations? Possibly not, in order to help differentiate it from the rest of his worldview, and therefore make it uniquely special.

After such fine starters, it would be pleasing to report that the half-kilos and whatnot of curry arrived soon after. In truth, there was another prolonged lull, in which many things were discussed, none of which qualify to be reported on such a blog of note. It was during this second extended longeur, with Trampy staring at the large decals on the window that reprinted some of Ron MacKenna’s most positive quotes, that he belatedly realised that TATTGOC’s own rambling write-ups, with their insistent codenames and insular argot, could also perhaps be perceived as Christmas round-robin letters that no-one else could understand. Perhaps he shouldn’t be so harsh on others? Aye, mibbe. But he still allowed himself a moment of backhanded admiration that the owners had managed to find a quote or two from MacKenna that actually made sense in isolation. Cut-and-baste, if you like.

Finally, the mains! Huge, broiling copper bowls of on-the-bone goodness! As they were passed down the table, the Curry Club swooned as the spices raced up their collective noses. This, quite possibly, was a feast worth waiting for. Seconds later, the fluffy rice and enormous naans arrived ... and those naans looked so big that, at first, it looked like the Tramps had made another over-ordering error. No matter! As everyone ladled the various lamb stews onto their plate, oozing with spicy juices, it seemed like ever naan for themselves! An unusual silence fell on the booth as the assembled scooped, sluiced, dolloped and ripped to get a handsome plateful. The final result was hearty and fantastic, even if it did eventually arrive about two hours after TATTGOC had entered the venue.

At such a vital juncture in the timeline of TATTGOC, you’d think there might be scope for valedictory speeches? But with 11pm encroaching it was time to hustle everyone outside for the pictures to make sure no-one missed the last tube. The final bill was absurdly cheap, working out at £11 a head even with tip, for a feast that was satisfying in all the right ways. This, be aware, was a crew who actively enjoyed their spicy lamb stew on the bone and, time permitting, would probably have constructed a crude dinosaur skeleton from the mineral remains. Had it all happened just a little faster, this would have been a truly classic TATTGOC outing. And with such a reasonable final bill, it was tempting to force Greg pay the full whack. But while posing outside, he confirmed his new curry name – Chasni Hawkes (The Wan And Only) – proving that, somehow, he has always been in the Curry Club, even if it took a while for his spirit to return to where it always belonged ...

Range Of Drinks: Range of lassis and Afghan green tea.

Highlights: Sizzling starters, satisfyingly spicy on-the-bone curry, enormous naans.

Lowlights: A prolonged waiting time that went from funny to exasperating and then back to funny and possibly back to exasperating again.

The Verdict: An extended experience!

The Damage: £81 (tip: £9)

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC OUTINGS
Punjabi, Paisley Road West
Rasoi, Partick Cross
Agra, Anniesland
Cafe Salma, Charing Cross

TATTGOC 2011: The Director's Cut ...

2011-06-02T00:10:00.015+01:00

Everyone likes to think that the greatest art springs fully formed from the mouthpiece of the muse, yadda blaydda yadda. Instead, in most practical cases, iteration is king ... as in this instance, where it took one or two passes for the Tramps to lock down how best to sum up TATTGOC 2011 In 60 Seconds. At first, everyone's favourite spicy chieftains skewed toward the studiously industrious beats of Trent Reznor and his cleaned-up Social Network soundtrack: the result 'twas forthright, catchy, undeniable.

But this first rough-cut version was ultimately considered just a little bit too pulsating for the Scottish Curry Awards 2011, and so things were mixed and muddied up with the help of Waylon Jennings ... the better to create something a bit more laidback, in keeping with the Tramps' increasingly Lebowski-esque worldview.

Thanks to the power of the internet, though, the Tramps can reveal the original demo version of their 2011 showreel ... but be warned, it's insistent! Very insistent! (And just as good, with an added sausage pic!)

For Puris Only: The Lost TATTGOC Primer

2011-05-26T00:14:00.039+01:00

For the Scottish Curry Awards 2011, TATTGOC were asked to submit a one-minute video explaining the blog (they did the same thing last year). It wasn't screened on the night due to, ah, technical problems but we present it here, in the slightly shonky Blogger video format that, annoyingly, knocks the crackerjack editing off just a little bit:

Those Scottish Curry Awards 2011 Winners In Full ...

2011-05-24T10:15:00.000+01:00

If you were following The Tramp's breakneck updates on the official TATTGOC Twitter last night, you'll already have heard the big news from the Scottish Curry Awards 2011: after a questionable starter, the main buffet turned out to be excellent! Also, Tam Cowan was crowned Curry Lover of the Year 2011, wrestling the beautiful ceremonial plate from the metaphorical grasp of TATTGOC.

If the Tramps were in any doubt as to whether the veteran journalist and broadcaster was truly worthy to follow in their sturdy footsteps, they got their answer during Tam's acceptance speech where, within seconds, he delivered a mischievous diss to the award's beer sponsor. Such impishness seems entirely in keeping with TATTGOC's ethos. So Tam, TATTGOC salutes you!

But that was only the first award of the night ... how did the rest go down? Those results in full:

Best Supermarket Curry: Asda (that's three years in a row!)

Team of the Year Award: Ashoka Johnstone, Johnstone (second year in a row!)

Chef of the Year Award: Ajmal Mushtaq of Mushtaq's Restaurant, Hamilton

Takeaway of the Year Award: Banana Leaf, Glasgow (second year in a row!)

Lifetime Achievement Award 2011: The legendary Mrs Unis from Edinburgh

Curry King of the Year Award: Mother India mastermind Monir Mohammed

(Now it gets a bit complicated, as the Restaurant of the Year had winners in each of the four regional categories, plus one overall winner.)

North West winner: Spice Tandoori, 141 High Street, Fort William
South West winner: Balbir’s, 7 Church Street, Glasgow
North East winner: Bombay Joe's, 44 Gray Street, Dundee
South East winner: Suruchi, 14a Nicolson Street, Edinburgh

And the overall winner of Restaurant of the Year was ... Balbir’s

Other highlights of the night included some decent gags from host Charan Gill, the Tramps finally getting to meet "Hector" and his partner Marg of the excellent Curry-Heute blog and the raising of a whole heap of money for the Scottish Spina Bifida Association. Not bad for a Monday ...

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC NEWS POSTS
Trampy And The Tramp's Curry *Loves* Of The Year
The Monday Side Dish: Scottish Curry Awards 2011 Nominees!
STOP PRESS! Scottish Curry Awards 2011 Nominations Close Today
The Monday Side Dish: April 11

From Our Foreign Curryspondent: Dateline ... Hong Kong!

2011-05-19T00:10:00.002+01:00

(The TATTGOC brotherhood extends around the globe, and we welcome reports of curry expeditions beyond Glasgow – in this bulletin, Makhni Knife files a spicy dispatch from Hong Kong, a belated follow-up to his earlier transmission from Japan that, dear readers, was TATTGOC's FIRST EVER Foreign Curryspondence. S'good to have him back ...)

Branto, Hong Kong by Makhni Knife

Lashings of apologies, distant TATTGOC brothers/cousins/nephews.

This curryspondent has been shamefully remiss in delivering regular dispatches from Asia, while his friend and rival Tikka MaBaws continues to eat and write his way around the world with effortless facility. By way of contrition, there now follows a belated report from that mighty oriental gateway and former jewel of Empire, Hong Kong!

Hong Kong, of course, is the name given to the city, the island, the whole administrative shebang that dangles off the southern end of China.

Close your eyes and picture that luminous, vertiginous skyline, the skyscrapers stacked to the clouds with pink-faced, pink-shirted bankers from the south of England, neo-colonial pigs that haw-hee-haw like donkeys. Then cast those eyes across Victoria Harbour to the dark side of the Pearl River Delta – the Chinese side, if you will. Kowloon! Teeming with tenements and street markets! Home of the fearsome Triads, and setting for double-fisted teahouse gunplay in the films of John Woo! And location of the finest Indian restaurant in the region!

This is, at least, the opinion of Curry Club first-timers MacDhosa (pictured on the TATTGOC roster of missing Curry Comrades) and his wife Thali Mo, experienced gourmands with exacting standards who have spent the last half-decade sampling the pan-global variety offered by Hong Kong’s special cooking pot of cultures and cuisines. Indeed, an earlier visit by Makhni Knife and Rumpole Of The Balti (along with the lovely Mrs Rumpole) yielded an excellent Indian meal at another Kowloon favourite, the splendidly named Gaylord – which was only dismissed as a contender for curryspondence because it’s part of a worldwide chain with branches in London, Bombay, New York, and Kobe, Japan. Decent as the food was, especially when accompanied by live sitar music, it didn’t have the uniqueness required by the TATTGOC constitution, as enshrined by founding fathers Trampy and The Tramp. A nearby institution called Branto promised to be a different story ...

(Click here to continue ...)

Mahkni Knife and the Korma Chameleon accompanied their hosts, and their pals Rick and Rita – newly christened Mr and Mrs Bundy Raita – down a quiet side-street, not far from the legendary babel of cheap electronics that is Chungking Mansions, to find Branto barely signposted on the first floor of a nondescript commercial high-rise. Apparently, the restaurant had recently moved across from Hong Kong Island’s Wan Chai district to secure cheaper rent. The interior was brightly-lit and luridly decorated with food-based murals and sub-continental landscapes. A TV on the wall was screening the latest episode of Indian Idol. A turbaned staff came and went from a kitchen encased in what can only be described as a bright pink bunker.

As soon as our party was seated, talk turned to the question of the pink bunker’s defensive capacity, prompting a series of politically insensitive remarks, beginning with MacDhosa’s off-colour cry of, “Stone me, it’s the Taliban!”, which was repeated ad nauseum throughout the meal. Though Branto had been described in advance as a specifically South Indian establishment, the implications of this had not dawned on Makhni Knife in particular until after he was given a menu that offered neither meat nor alcohol. For one terrible moment of palpable, incipient menace, it seemed as if he might finally carry out his long-standing threat (and lifelong dream) of turning over a table in a busy restaurant. He was literally soothed, however, by the quick-thinking Thali Mo, who promised the best lassi known to humanity. Luckily for her, this claim was soon found to be unexaggerated.

(L-R) Thali Mo, MacDhosa, Mrs and Mr Bundy Raita, Korma Chamelon, your curryspondent

The Korma Chameleon, a committed semi-vegetarian, was rendered more indecisive than usual by a full selection of Punjabi dishes that she might, could, and did want to eat. Perhaps inevitably, almost everything was ordered, on the traditional Asian understanding that each dish would be shared out among the company. Dhosas, paneer pizzas, “chutni sandwiches”, boondi raita, palak peas, daahi puri, and thalis with a kaleidoscopic wheel of dips – chickpea, yellow bean, black pepper – soon occupied every inch of pink linen. “The spices creep up on you,” observed MacDhosa of the exquisite thali dips. “Nothing’s especially hot by itself, but the cumulative effect … ” For Mahkni Knife, this selection proved not just an education, but a veritable epiphany, as he attempted to chew through these delights with his jaw slackened by the very idea that it was possible to eat and enjoy a full Indian banquet that did not contain so much as a shred of butchered animal carcass.

Thali Mo and Bundy Raita, experienced travellers in the region from whence these recipes came, regaled the table with geographically relevant anecdotes, made all the more evocative by the surrounding “art”. The former maintained that she did not miss meat at all in her wanderings through South India, and was happy to take advantage of the odd fact that Tamil authorities prohibit the consumption of alcohol while permitting the sale and use of marijuana. Indeed, she had once dispatched a so-called “bang lassi” at 7am before riding across Pushta on a camel named King, who turned around periodically to spit on her. Bundy, a rum fellow indeed, told of his own experiences under Tamil rule, working for a Geordie ex-pat entrepreneur and smoking enough of the local hashish to consign all memories of his 30s to a now-remote but not unpleasant haze. Even with the whole party sober, the evening began to take on a kind of glow, through which we were all reminded that Curry Club is a truly international enterprise, a fellowship, if you will, which honours curry in and of itself, but also as a means to an end. And that end is: conviviality!

Certainly, we over-ordered, and all plans for a late-night wander through Kowloon, in the hope of witnessing a gangland murder by Chinese chopper (cleavers remain the weapons of choice for self-respecting Triad killers), had to be abandoned due to the dreaded post-curry sluggishness, exacerbated by the unremitting tropical humidity of Hong Kong and its environs. But, as was rightly pointed out by the Korma Chameleon, we would not have been able to manage half as much as we did if all those dishes had been bulked up by meat and drowned in beer. Thus, as we disappeared into the buzzing neon night, we could still muster just enough energy to roundly declare the whole Branto experience another roaring TATTGOC success away from home!

The Damage: A positively magnanimous $676 Hong Kong dollars – less than £9 per head!

SOME PREVIOUS FOREIGN CURRYSPONDENCE
Tikka MaBaws Versus "The World's Most Dangerous Vindaloo"
Dateline: Buenos Aires!
Dateline: Birmingham Backlash!
Dateline: Kerala!

Trampy And The Tramp's Curry Loves Of The Year

2011-05-12T00:34:00.009+01:00

Has it really been a year since Trampy and The Tramp (and, by extension, the entire TATTGOC brotherhood) were voted Curry Lover(s) Of The Year at the Scottish Curry Awards 2010? Time certainly flies when you're seeking out hidden-gem restaurants in the UK's official Curry Capital every month, then diligently writing up the experience and interspersing the rest of the weekly blog updates with posts about piquant music, exciting new curry products and detailed telegrams from Foreign Curryspondents in far-flung places. Phew!

But while the blog always thunders forward like Bob Seger on his hog in Roll Me Away, TATTGOC's recent (and surprising!) repeat nomination has put the Tramps in an uncharacteristically reflective mood. Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. So what been some of their personal highlights of the past 12 months? Trampy and The Tramp's Curry Loves of the Year, if you like? Here's a top three ...

(Click here to read more ...)
The first one is easy: getting to hang out with the rest of the Curry Club every month, that impressive cadre of rum-looking coves galvanised by a shared spirit of blazing adventure. And if they have an astonishing hunger for curry, it's easily matched by their appetite for banter. At TATTGOC's spicy monthly salon, the discourse is lively, the opinions heartfelt and the laughter genuine. And it's especially heartening when original currynauts who have moved away from No Mean City unexpectedly return to Glasgow just for the monthly expedition (like high-flyin' Karahi ... CHOP!). Camaraderie and curry: like Ravi Peshwari says, ye cannae whack it.

The bold D Diamond, owner of dynamite chat

Second? Probably the opportunity to interrogate some of TATTGOC's personal heroes in the inspiring, educational Pilau Talk: The Legends interview series, where nine of Scotland's most notable curry lovers – Tom Shields, Fred MacAulay, Ian Cowie aka Mr Snax, Diner Tec of the Evening Times, Roy Beers, Iain Banks, Norman Blake, Tam Cowan and Dominik Diamond – offered up personal anecdotes and fiery recommendations. As you might expect, there was plenty of dynamite chat from the public-eye patter merchants, but it was equally interesting to hear wily veterans like Roy Beers talk about the Glasgow curry scene of the 1970s, the legendary places where The Tramp's old man and Trampy's old maths teacher eagerly went to get their spicy fix.

And finally? It has to be a curry. The Tramps have been to some pretty great curryhouses on official TATTGOC business over the past 12 months – including personal favourites Cafe Salma and Alishan – and the fare has generally been of a high standard. But if they had to choose just one personal curry experience above all others, it would have to be an intimate, candelit (!) and technically non-TATTGOC visit to the Mother India mothership in March of this year. The ginger crab and prawn dosa was to die for, but it was the raan – a whole leg of lamb patiently cooked with whole spices then finished off with an almond sauce, creating a sweet, spicy, melt-in-the-mouth delight – that brought tears to the eyes of the Tramps. The picture above really doesn't too it justice (blame those candles). We're not sure how Monir Mohammed does it but this was one of the best curries Trampy and The Tramp had ever tasted. And so, inevitably, we salute him.

A memorable experience! A memorable year!

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC NEWS POSTS
The Monday Side Dish: Scottish Curry Awards 2011 Nominees!
STOP PRESS! Scottish Curry Awards 2011 Nominations Close Today
The Monday Side Dish: April 11
The Monday Side Dish: March 14

The Monday Side Dish: Scottish Curry Awards 2011 Nominees!

2011-05-09T09:59:00.112+01:00

Can a curry blog – even a highly-respected, award-winning curry blog – truly stay on top of the world's spicy news when it only updates once a week? Probably not, which is why Trampy and The Tramp's Glasgow of Curry occasionally orders up The Monday Side Dish: a platter of grilled titbits to tide you over until Thursday. Pass the raita ...

Big news in the Sunday Post yesterday ... turns out Daphne's boyfriend isn't half-French and half-Polish, he's actually just a French polisher! Also, in their capacity as media sponsor of the Hungryhouse.co.uk Scottish Curry Awards 2011, the Sunday Post revealed the nominees in five of the major categories. And there were a few surprises! Here's the rundown so far:

(Click here to read more ...)
CHEF OF THE YEAR
Mahrukh Butt – Bukharah, Glasgow
Ajmal Mushtaq – Mushtaq's Restaurant, Hamilton
Kantesh Chowdury – Bombay Joe's, Dundee
Sajawal Hussain – Manzil, Perth
Gurwinder Kumar – Karma, Whitburn

TEAM OF THE YEAR
Taj Mahal, Biggar
Mushtaq's Restaurant, Hamilton
Ashoka Johnstone
Maisha, St Andrews
Cafe India, Glasgow

TAKEAWAY OF THE YEAR
Cafe India, Glasgow
Durbar, Kirkcaldy
Banana Leaf, Glasgow
Monsoona, Aberdeen
Eastern Spices, Edinburgh

SUPERMARKET CURRY OF THE YEAR
Asda, Marks & Sparks, Tesco

CURRY LOVER OF THE YEAR
Hector's Curry-Heute
Tam Cowan!
Trampy And The Tramp's Glasgow Of Curry (that's us!)

An impressive line-up! Of course, TATTGOC vowed earlier in the year to try and get nominated in the Scottish Curry Awards 2011 in a category other than Curry Lover of the Year, labouring under the misapprehension that once you'd won it, that was it. So it was a genuine surprise to hear we'd been shortlisted, and we'd like to thank whoever nominated us (last year we asked our mums to do it). If the curry-lovin' award was for the largest amount of curry consumed, Hector would be a shoo-in – when he says on his blog that "every day is a good day for curry", he's no kidding. But no-one should count out fitba pundit, Daily Record restaurant reviewer and former Pilau Talk: The Legends interviewee Tam Cowan, who has nabbed a couple of awards recently so is in good form. An intriguing match-up!

The ceremony takes place in Glasgow on Monday May 23, so expect a special Tuesday side dish with all the results. The lifetime achievement awards and Curry King/Queen of the year will be announced on the night, and if memory serves, there's also a Sunday Post Restaurant Of The Year category, which is a biggie. Ready? Aye ready!

In other epochal news, it's The Bulldosa's birthday today. So many happy returns to TATTGOC's resident god of mischief and general roustabout. And for the ladies – TATTGOC saffrongettes or otherwise – here's a pic of the man himself. Spicy!

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC NEWS POSTS
STOP PRESS! Scottish Curry Awards 2011 Nominations Close Today
The Monday Side Dish: April 11
The Monday Side Dish: March 14
The Monday Side Dish: March 7

REVIEW: Punjabs For The Boys

2011-05-05T08:47:00.002+01:00

Punjabi, Paisley Road West

The Time: April 21, 8.15pm

Booking Name: Greg Baker!

The Pub Aforehand: The 78, Kelvinhaugh Street

In Attendance: Trampy, The Tramp, The Bulldosa, The Duke, The Gheezer, Sir Spicy Lover and – receiving his first TATTGOC cap – Bobo Balti.

Décor: Very black frontage with a big neon sign, but cosy inside, with intriguing art on the walls and an elaborate roof that is among the best TATTGOC has experienced.

Expectations: The Punjabi came recommended by a good friend who said the venerable restaurant and takeaway had been there “forever”. After a few experiences where restaurants have been targeted, just to close when TATTGOC hoves into view, the Punjabi always felt like a keeper.

The Experience:

What’s the opposite of serendipity? That’s what the Tramps found themselves wondering after a rollercoaster week in the run-up to the April/Easter TATTGOC outing. After cutting about the west end for the past few expeditions, it was decided that it was time for the Curry Club to take those broken wings and learn to fly again to Southie (which is what we would call the Southside if we were Boston crime writer Dennis Lehane. Southie! It sounds cool! Southie!) The last time the TATTGOC faithful assembled south of the mighty Clyde it was to cart a crate of Kingfisher to The Viceroy, which was a pretty pleasant evening all round according to this field report. (And Kabana doesn't technically count since it was delivered.)

(Click here to read more ...)

It genuinely feels like Punjabi has been on TATTGOC’s hitlist for aeons – The Bulldosa and Trampy actually did a quick recce on the day of the Pope’s visit to Bellahouston Park last year, and were extremely impressed by the elaborate roof inside and the extensive menu. The only snag, really, was selecting a decent pub nearby: there are apparently a few Ibrox boozers that are supposed to be alright but it was decided by Trampal decree that those that wanted to meet up for a drink aforehand should probably do it in The Lismore in Partick, then jump the Kelvinhall tube over. Mind you, best-laid plans, aft agley, naught but grief and pain, etc.

But what about the anti-serendipity? Turns out just days before the scheduled outing, news trickled down to TATTGOC Towers that the Punjabi were opening a brand new outlet, Punjabi Charing Cross, in the shadow of the Mitchell Library on North Street. Just a stone’s throw from TATTGOC’s most-visited Curry Club pub The Avalon! Would it just be easier to check out this brand-new offshoot than schlep over to Castle Greyskull? The Tramps turned the problem over in their hive mind, and for a good long time it looked as if convenience was going to win out. But in the end, the Punjabi Charing Cross was scheduled to officially open the day after TATTGOC’s fixed date. Unable to match up schedules, Ibrox was in the crosshairs. Still: an adventure!

The original pub plan to meet in the Lismore fell apart almost immediately, with The Bulldosa and TATTGOC greenhorn Bobo Balti starting very early in Lebowski’s. A few notable Curry Clubbers – including Rumpole Of The Balti and Rogan Josh Homme – were unable to attend due to Easter commitments, while The Tramp, The Duke and Sir Spicy Lover had signalled their intention to head straight for the restaurant. So Trampy went with the flow and headed for Lebowski’s, which was hoachin’ on what would only be the beginning of Glasgow’s golden summer of 2011.

Almost too hoachin’, as a point of fact, and so our hardy trio headed up to The 78 for some Williams Bros ales to await the two-wheeled arrival of The Gheezer. As the deadline to head south – to head to Southie – approached, it was decided that a taxi would be the wisest option to transport our heroes. But what about The Gheezer on his bicycle? “I’ll probably get there before you,” he intoned impishly, before vanishing down some secret sidestreet that presumably only couriers are allowed to know about. To the Punjabi!

The Tramp himself arrived at roughly the same time as the taxi, with The Gheezer only slightly behind. So it was an advance guard of five Curry Clubbers who trooped through the black frontage of Punjabi. The table had been booked in the name of "Greg", to honour a good friend of TATTGOC who was not only travelling in India but also sending back regular updates of the delicious fare he was sampling. There were poppadoms and onions on the table already, so the gang got wired in while waiting for The Duke and Sir Spicy Lover to arrive, which didn't take long. TATTGOC apprentice Bobo Balti was officially introduced to the table, and took all the jokes about how first-timers were required to pay the entire bill in good spirit. There were also some other diners tucking in and a steady stream of takeaway orders being fulfilled: a promising sign.

While skimming the sturdy menu, there was a chance to soak in the surroundings; the Punjabi has some interesting murals on the wall, plus that eye-catching roof feature. A compact but well-stocked bar occupies one corner while the bathrooms are tucked away through a set of almost Wild West swing-doors. With no Kingfisher on tap, the crew were forced to go for a notable rival but in all honesty it was tasty enough. There were confabs about the starter selection; with The Tramp currently on some special dietary requirements, it was decided to go for a couple of large chef's platters and an additional tandoori chicken, with The Bulldosa surprisingly stepping up to the plate and taking charge of the whole affair. With a mixed grill among the mains (complete with rice on the side), the official rice/naan equation was a little more involved than usual, but thanks to the Bulldosa's mental fleetness, it seemed to boil down to two rice, and the habitual tricolore of naans (plain, peshwari, garlic).

With this order logged with the efficient waiter, Curry Club became the usual salon of opinions and ideas, an open exchange of viewpoints and rebuttals. Movies, as ever, were a hot topic, but there was also room for discussion of the other arts and even politics. Partly this was because the starters took a fair wee while to arrive, but when the plates did descend, there was a perfectly reasonably explanation: the succulent-looking chicken tandoori took a little bit longer to prepare than the other starters. As the crew fell about the chef's platters, making a beeline for a distinctive-looking chicken kebab, it was The Tramp who got the first bite of the impressive tandoori chicken. How did it rate? With a look of contentment on his face, The Tramp adopted his near-legendary "Bombay Dazzler" two-thumbs-up pose. While there were pakoras among the chef's platters, overall this was one of the meatiest starter selections ever consumed by Curry Club.

Not long after the demolished starters were cleared away, the mains began to arrive. At one end of the table, there was a pardesi showcase, with both a chicken tikka and lamb tikka of the rich, spinachy dish being ordered. There was more spinach featured in a delicious-looking lamb mulaider, while the lamb noori – apparently a staff favourite – came in an especially tangy, north Indian Punjabi sauce. Topping it all off was The Tramp's mixed grill, a smorgasbord of sizzling meat, including another chicken kebab in a reasonably amusing shape (see if you can spot it in the pictures). The naans, too, were mighty impressive. Despite the sunny weather and hefty starters, the crew got wired in. Was some of this enthusiasm intended to impress newcomer Bobo Balti and assure him he was dining amongst legends? Probably not. It was hunger, most likely. Laced with a little bit of gluttony.

In fact, it was such a good feed (and such a reasonable bill) that there were murmurs of leading an expedition to the fully operational Punjabi Charing Cross for May’s official outing. Two in a row? In the month where TATTGOC will inevitably have to pass on the crown of Curry Lovers Of The Year, perhaps grasping for some other historic first would be appropriate ...

Range Of Drinks: Tennent’s and Cobra on tap.

Highlights: Meaty starters and main dishes that won much praise, truly impressive roof decoration, a nice homely feel and an admirable policy of "no chips on their own".

Lowlights: A bit of a wait for the starters, but definitely worth it in the end.

The Verdict: A charming experience!

The Damage: £101.85 (tip: £11.15)

SOME OTHER RECENT TATTGOC OUTINGS
Rasoi, Partick Cross
Agra, Anniesland
Cafe Salma, Charing Cross
Kabana, Seaward Street

From Our Foreign Curryspondent: Tikka MaBaws Picks A Fight With "The World's Most Dangerous Vindaloo"

2011-04-28T00:02:00.121+01:00

(The TATTGOC brotherhood extends around the globe, and we welcome reports of curry expeditions beyond Glasgow – in this bulletin, chief Foreign Curryspondent Tikka MaBaws files yet another spicy dispatch from his globetrotting journey with the adorable Phall From Grace, as he takes on the world's highest and hottest curry in La Paz. Follow their ongoing adventures at the life-enriching travel/photo blog I Done A Holiday)

"The World's Most Dangerous Vindaloo" – La Paz, Bolivia

Greetings, TATTGOC faithful.

Tikka MaBaws here ...

Physics, or geography, or maybe even the weather, dictates that the higher you climb, the colder the climate becomes. Therefore, despite its relatively tropical latitude, at almost 4000m above sea level, La Paz (which as any semi-competent pub-quizzer will tell you is the world's highest capital) is pretty nippy all year round. It's particularly chanking at night time and Bolivians, or at least spendthrift hostel owners, don't seem to have cottoned-on to the benefits of central heating. And so, on our first night in the city, Phall From Grace and I spent most of the evening in our pre-matrimonial bed in a loveless tug of war to avoid hypothermia.

(Click here to read on ...)

Thankfully/unfortunately, providing it is fed the right fuel, the human body is capable of feeling quite warm, regardless of the elements. And as I later found out, if that fuel happens to be Bolivian Carajo chillies, then it's possible to feel positively roasting in any conditions.

Phall From Grace, Tikka MaBaws, Roberto Bhajio and Signorita Sam O'Sa

Because of the lofty geography, it's possible to do many things in La Paz that can be regarded as “the world's highest ...” Buy the world's highest dried llama foetus at the Witches Market, walk up a flight of stairs and have the world's highest asthma attack and – yes – eat the world's highest curry. But the British owners of The Star Of India aren't content with simply serving the world's highest Indian dish – no, they also claim to serve "the world's most dangerous vindaloo".

With such irresistible bait (not to mention the distinct lack of decent curry we'd found so far in South America) on our second night in La Paz I deputised two fellow travellers as honorary Curry Club members, and headed into The Star.

Having lightly starved ourselves all day, Phall From Grace opted for some vegetable samosas to start, while myself and our new friends Roberto Bhajio and Signorita Sam O'Sa ordered two portions of llama meat kebab. With no Kingfisher available, we followed that with two local Pacena beers for me and Bhajio, and a couple of mango lassies for the, well, lassies. None of what we arrived was as expected. The samosas were enormous, dough-heavy pies, with scarcely a sliver of goo inside. Meanwhile, the meat kebabs came as three wholly unappetising, depressed balls that tasted faintly of watery haggis with the texture of Play Doh. I ate one of the samosas and three of the llama balls anyway – for research, likes.

Then it came to ordering the mains. Roberto Bhajio, something of a curry expert, went for a chicken jalfrezi which he described as his “base choice”, an indicator selection to judge the worth of the curryhouse. Partner Sam O'Sa went for the llama tikka masala, mostly because it was a chance to eat more llama. And Phall From Grace, fan of subtle flavours, stuck with her standard order of a chicken korma. Having swithered about it all day, I decided to kiss my imaginary Curry Club badge, wilfully ignore the fact that I was about to suffer, and go for the infamous vindaloo, even though the disclaimer could not have been more clear about what lay ahead.

Before the beast had arrived, I was already sweating. The local Bolivians may not be a fan of central heating, but those in charge of The Star had no such reservations – that or they simply lined the walls with those evil chillies. Either way, one tap was already aff before the grinning waiter arrived to dump the mound of firey food in front of me. Even in the gloom of the poorly-lit restaurant I could tell that this was a massive amount of scran, but it wasn't until we turned the flash on that I briefly got a glimpse of the hellish road that lay ahead ...

Look at it! Look at the size! The inordinate number of chilli flakes! Hell's teeth – I don't even like spicy food! The first few mouthfuls weren't actually too bad, although I confess I may have forced some down, barely chewing to avoid it spending too long in the vicinity of my tongue. But then a chilli flake hit my uvula like Ivan Drago and I was gasping for my watery Pacena, praying for Rocky to throw in the towel.

However, after the first 15 minutes or so, the spiciness had embedded itself into a deep tissue burn – I had done irreversible damage to myself and that was fine. I was the T-1000, sliding into the molten steel, my dying thumb creaking skywards.

This, though, was just the beginning of my problems as it it soon became apparent that the battle wasn't simply to overcome the spice, nor to salvage my long-lost dignity, but rather a duel of My Gluttony vs The Physical Size Of My Stomach. Why had I eaten the samosa? Why the foul llama balls? Why?

Before long it was like stuffing hay into a bursting scarecrow – each mouthful seemed to fill an organ: goodbye lungs, hello chillies; farewell liver, greetings inferno. With my brow awash with sweat and my nose running like Usain Bolt, the paper napkins on the table were beginning to run low as I tried to mop up after myself.

As I passed the hour mark, with my dinner-mates long finished, my hearing began to tune out. Every part of my being was telling me that this was a terrible idea. Shambling off to the toilet, I knew defeat was close. Unfortunately, despite the preposterous amount of food inside me, I had no desire to relieve myself. Instead I looked into the mirror, which quickly steamed-up with my Smaugian breath. Clearing the condensation, I looked at my pink, weeping eyes: here was the abyss, here was capitulation.

But then I turned from that image.

I turned and I dragged that pink-eyed bastard back to the table. There was more than one fire burning inside me – I picked up the fork and started anew, letting the bodily fluids run freely from my massive red heid.

Almost two hours later it was all over. I sat on the brink of vomiting, holding my new T-shirt in a trembling hand, Phall From Grace somewhere at my side, shaking her head. Two decent folk sat across from me, bamboozled by what had taken place. I apologised for the spectacle, to which Signorita Sam O'Sa sincerely responded: “Oh no no, it was amusing.”

I stumbled home, frequently stopping to indulge The Boak, but just about managing to hold onto my demonic dinner. Phall From Grace, speaking loudly to overcome my temporary deafness, explained that her korma had been “one of the worst curries” she'd ever had; Sam O'Sa had found the llama tough; and Bhajio had damned with the faint praise that it had been “a nice change” from the regular traveller fare.

For me, it was undoubtedly the most physically devastating meal I've ever eaten.

When we finally got home, I collapsed onto the bed, feeling as though I'd somehow given reverse-birth to a space hopper. The heat refused to subside, and I lay there too hot for covers – too hot even for my new T-shirt.

The next day I would discover that the only thing more devastating than eating a novelty-hot curry is the morning that follows eating a novelty-hot curry. But as my vision left me, I swear I could smell something ... Perhaps it was the charred ruins of my innards ...

No: it was VICTORY.

The bill: For the four of us it was almost 400 bolivianos (around £36), which by Bolivian standards is horrendously overpriced, especially for such mediocre fare. The “World's Hottest Vindaloo” was around £4.10 – my heroism ensured the T-shirt was free.

Tikka MaBaws, out.

SOME PREVIOUS FOREIGN CURRYSPONDENCE
Dateline: Buenos Aires!
Dateline: Birmingham Backlash!
Dateline: Kerala!
Dateline: Cambodia!

AND ANOTHER SCORCHING REPORT ...
The Killer Inside Me: One Man's Brush With Scotland's Hottest Curry