The Greatest Gift Of All...

Curry Club's very own probation-flirting, devil-may-care hellraiser Ewan may routinely misunderstand the simplest of instructions, but sometimes that can work to everyone's advantage. During our recent excursion to the Spice Garden, he brought along two Secret Santa presents... and when he belatedly realised that no-one else had bothered, he pledged the gifts to the Club's founders and de facto mascots Trampy and The Tramp.

Seeing their boyish faces light up in wonder as they tore the wrapping paper from their curry-related gifts was one of the unexpected highlights of the evening. The Tramp found it difficult to contain his glee after revealing his four-pack of Cobra lager. And Trampy eyed his brace of ready meals hungrily. So what were they actually like? Time for a Glasgow of Curry recap...

Trampy writes:

At less than 3% fat and featuring no hydrogenated fats, artificial colours or flavourings, I was immediately intrigued by the Sainsbury's Be Good To Yourself range of curries. Helpfully, the packaging indicated how many Weight Watchers points are contained in each ready meal-for-one, although it should be pointed out that these values have been calculated by Sainsbury's for information purposes only - these products are not sponsored or endorsed by Weight Watchers International in any way.

While I usually enjoy the spicier end of the curry scale, I decided to start with the Chicken Korma and Pilau Rice, mostly because it's Use By date was approaching fast. The korma sauce was created with low fat yogurt, ginger, garlic and coriander and perhaps betrayed a little of its inherent healthiness by not being totally kickass awesome. However, it was a nice change.

A few minutes later, I decided to try the Chicken Tikka Biryani which, although it had a marginally higher salt content, was only 5 Weight Watchers points compared to the Korma's 6 (just to reiterate, though, these products are not sponsored or endorsed by Weight Watchers International in any way). This was definitely a spicier feed, and while it occasionally felt that there wasn't quite enough sauce to sufficiently drench the accompanying pilau rice, it was generally fairly satisfying. Would I plump for either of these curries the next time I was loitering in the readymade curry aisle of Sainsbury's? It's tough to say. The presumed healthy eating benefits would probably not be quite enough to stay my hand; especially if the normal curries were running the same 2 for £5 offer. Still, what a thoughful gift. Thanks Ewan!

The Tramp writes:

As soon as I returned back to TT HQ in deepest Partick after the last Curry Club jaunt to the Spice Garden, I carefully cleared space in my fridge and nestled my surprise Secret Santa gift of a Cobra lager four-pack in to chill. Just over a week later, having judged them to be suitably cooled, they were placed into my coolbag and transported back with me to the family home, EK Mansions, to be sampled on Christmas Eve.

Santa has come to expect a healthy tumbler of Islay malt, along with the obligatory carrots for the reindeer, when he makes visit to EK Mansions... this year would be a little bit different; why not share my Cobra with him? - two for him, two for me. So, with the clock approaching midnight, the fire stoked, carrots placed by the hearth and my finest slippers donned, I relaxed into my favourite chair, Cobra loaded coolbag by my side, and waited for Santa to make his entrance. After several minutes of nervous tension I decided to crack into my first beer - in part to pass the time while I awaited the arrival of the legendary night flier but also to check that beer was up to the standard that he would expect. It was. Following the satisfying hiss as the cap popped off I was pleased to find that the icy cold lager was crisp and refreshing and decidedly smooth. I'm usually not a big fan of lager but I could definitely see myself enjoying more than one Cobra when I have a thirst on.

Surprised at how quickly the first bottle went down and, with no sign of the big man yet, I decided to crack on with the second. The second bottle went down as smoothly as the first and I certainly felt much more relaxed about finally meeting the man in red. As the clock edged towards 1am I started to become concerned that the coolbag might start to lose it's chill and the Cobras would cease to be at the optimum temperature for maximum refreshment. Surely Santa wouldn't want to share a warm beer in the middle of his busiest night of the year? With that in mind I quickly downed the last two bottles and set about digging out the Lagavulin for Ol' Saint Nick.

After a quick taste to check that the whisky was up to standard I stoked the fire once more and settled back into the chair to continue my wait. Somehow the four Cobras and a few Lagavulins conspired against me and I feel asleep in the wee small hours. Unfortunately Santa didn't get to enjoy the Cobra but it seems that he did visit the Mansions and it looks like he polished off my malt.

All in all I thoroughly enjoyed the Cobra which was a fantastic secret Santa gift. Thanks Bawsaag.

Happy Christmas to all Curry Clubbers from Trampy and The Tramp

What would you have liked the Secret Santa to have brought you? And have you been naughty or nice? Comment to let us know.

REVIEW: Naan Theft Auto: Spice City

Spice Garden, beyond Thunderdome (southside)

The Time: December 16 2008, 8pm

Booking Name: Mr Sam Raimi

The Pub Aforehand: The Laurieston

In Attendance: Trampy, The Tramp, The Duke, Nick G, Dave H, Robbie K, Ewan and Mickey

Decor: Spacious. Orderly. Hell of a neon.

Expectations: Open til 4am every night, so we thought it would be pretty jakey. It was certainly pretty jakey the night we were there. (We were the only people there.)

The Experience:

Can a sequel ever really be better than the original? That's a question that often consumes movie aficionados. And three such preoccupied film fans sat, hunched, in the ever-calming timewarp of old-fashioned, civic-minded Bridge Street boozer The Laurieston. Thoughtfully nursing pints of warm Guinness, the solemn triptych of Trampy, The Tramp and The Duke had long abandoned thoughts of why they were the only Curry Club members in attendance – mostly because they had chosen to arrive a full hour before the advertised meeting time – to consider whether the evening's adventure might possibly live up to the society's first field trip to Partick. Could this instalment be so inherently satisfying that it eclipsed the original, like The Dark Knight? Or would this chilly sojourn to the southside of Glasgow turn out to be Curry Club 2: The Quickening?

The arrival of new faces and familiar friends banished any "second night" nerves from the huddled trio. Edinburgh's Nick G was first; a stubbly, gallus presence who sought to emphasise his arrival into the Glasgow of Curry fold by pledging to design a coat-of-arms, the better to distinguish the club blazers which were all but inevitable. David H – who had originally cried off – came soon after, as did Robbie K, a greenhorn to the Club but already something of a mischievous figure of folklore on the mystical southside. Belatedly, the Club's probation-baiting agent provocateur Ewan arrived, along with grizzled veteran Mickey, a curry commando who'd survived several tours of duty in 'Nam (Birmingnam). The dreaded man-flu had laid some other members of the Glasgow of Curry brotherhood low, but the assembled octet (eventually) soldiered on to honour their comrades.

This rebel band's ultimate destination was The Spice Garden, a curry oasis tucked in the southern oxter of one of the Clyde's many venerable bridges. So what was the Garden's USP (Unique Salivating Point)? Judging by the website, it might have something to do with their flexibility. A flashing reminder at the base of the homepage broadcasts an important message: "Remember we're fully licensed till 3am in the morning 7 days a week". I think we can all appreciate the relevance of that right now.

As is becoming customary, the rag-tag, fugitive Curry Club fleet were the sole patrons upon arrival. If the high-ceilinged, curved-walled room was echoey, the low hubbub of Bollywood TV beamed up on a slightly distracting video screen helped disguise it. The surfeit of indoor neon signage somehow came across as characterful rather than tacky, and for an establishment actively advertising for late-night custom, standards of décor and service seemed high. The chief waiter delivered a presumably mandatory but surprisingly personable spiel about how the ordering procedure would unfold, a hand-holding exercise more appropriate for drunken clients, but not unappreciated by the lairier elements of the Club. Initial attempts to uncover the waiter's identity were politely rebuffed – would you want to reveal your given name to a bunch of drunken louts, the better they could shout it across the restaurant when alcohol runs low? – but otherwise the patter remained focused and unruffled.

Ordering starters for such a disparate group can always be a hurdle, so the challenge is casually thrown out to our waiter. Can he recommend five starter dishes for our hungry brotherhood? Without pause, a rollout of six dishes is lined up for the mob, which results in a succulent lamb chop each and a popcorn stack of pakora for everyone to delve into. Yes, we were upsold slightly. But it was subtly done, with plenty of opportunities to refuse. And the result is delicious.

The wipe-clean menu – materially constructed to withstand the demented pawings of drunkards and madmen – boasts an impressive 271 items, including both European and Italian dishes to appease those unfortunate patrons who belatedly find themselves duped into going to an Indian restaurant.

Our ever-courteous Club sticks to Indian offerings, which are helpfully sub-categorised into stratas of hotness (yet somehow it's still possible to order a Goanese Chili curry from the Korma section). Everyone knows what they want, but there's always the tricky task of balancing the naan/rice equation. Four pilau rice are cautiously ordered, along with a parade of plain, garlic, peshwari and chili naan (an exciting prospect, slightly dulled when they all arrive scissored-up in wee baskets).

By this time, we've excavated the chief waiter's actual name, although he asks most customers to call him Rajou, because he reckons that's easier to remember. Does our man "Rajou" suspect our visit has some kind of journalistic element, rather than just being the Xmas night out of the Glasgow Nae-Pals Scalextric Appreciation Society (which is, essentially, what it looks like)?

If our first outing was fairly stealthy, the second represents an explosion in citizen media-gathering, with many different members assisting with pictures, video and commentary, which will turn out to be extremely useful. And if the Club is completely dished, there is certainly an upside to be had later on.

But where's ma tea? As the various dishes descend, your correspondent's immediate, ineffable impulse to order No. 69 – the Mazedar, a spicy hot dish prepared with finely chopped capsicums, spring onions, mushrooms, crushed fresh green chillies, a dash of brandy and finally topped with finest Italian mozzarella – seems to pale slightly in comparison with some of the other orders (notably Robbie's Chicken Tandoori, a loaded plate of chook that comes with a separate bowl of sauce).

Amongst the general murmur of gob-stuffed satisfaction, there's some table-specific high praise for the two side dishes we asked to tag along, although the spicy baby aubergine stuff clearly overshadows the aloo saag. Which brings us to nicknames: it seems only fair that those Glasgow of Curry members who are still employed – roughly, half – shouldn't have to worry about being named and shamed on our incredibly popular blog, so Trampy-esque online codenames are required.

To that end, returning minstrel Mickey becomes The Birmingham One (or Wan, if you're proper Glasgow); the relatively unwrinkled Robbie K is crowned Poppa Dom (although Rabbie Shankar was right up there); yet for Dave H, all we have is the slightly unsatisfying Dansak Dave. In other news, Ewan, with his inarguable devotion to the Glasgow of Curry cause, deserves far better than the suggested Bawsaag. For those without nicknames, seriously, your time will come. Start whispering "Ace" or "Flash" in the ears of your allies …

There's a hastily constructed Curry Club tradition that everyone should enjoy a shot of (the cheapest) brandy at the end of every meal. (Don't know who came up with that – don't know if it's a good idea.) It seems like an important full stop to each session (although each session appears to then continue back in the original pub). So when a second round of brandies arrives, free, from the Spice Garden staff, it makes everyone view the experience even more warmly. This is one sequel that is demonstrably better than the original.

Range Of Drinks: Only Tennent's on tap (but – hey! – at least it doesn't really taste like Tennent's). Cobra available in bottles. And also some fine brandy.

Highlights: Hugely attentive service. A round of free freakin' brandy.

Lowlight: The pre-cut naans seemed a mite stingy.

The Verdict: Another resounding success!

The Damage: £214.40 (tip: £28.60)... Picked up by a mysterious benefactor...

Another excellent report. But did it get the details right? Post a comment to let the Glasgow of Curry brotherhood know your thoughts

Curry Club Close-Up: Some Pilau Talk With The Tramp

Everyone in the Glasgow of Curry brotherhood loves curry – but wouldn't it be intriguing to discover more about the actual men behind the menu choices? In this occasional Q&A series, we'll be journeying deep into the curry-obsessed mindpans of prominent members, starting with our beloved co-founder The Tramp.

Name: The Tramp

Favourite Glasgow curry house: The Shish Mahal, Park Road

Second favourite Glasgow curry house: The Wee Curry Shop, Buccleuch Street

Favourite Glasgow curry takeaway: The Shish Mahal

All-time favourite curry dish: Has to be the Lamb Korma from The Shish Mahal – theirs is not your usual uninteresting creamy Korma but an amazingly rich, aromatic and surprisingly hot take on the classic. It's unbeatable every time. (Butter and Asparagus Chicken from the Ashton Lane Wee Curry Shop is a very close second.)

All-time curry idol: Ali Ahmed Aslam a.k.a Mr Ali – founder of The Shish Mahal in the late sixties. A true Glasgow legend.

Rice or naan? Peshwari naan for me, thanks.

Favourite curry lager: A refreshing pint of Kingfisher.

Where's the most exotic place you've had a curry? That would have to be Gyeongju, South Korea.

Can you actually make a decent curry at home? I certainly can, although not as often as I could.

So can we all come round for our tea? Certainly not – there just isn't enough room in my flat to accommodate the full squad of curry clubbers.

If you could enjoy a curry dinner-for-two with anyone, either alive or dead, who would it be? A tough question. Well, if Evo wasn't available and Trampy was out of town I'd like to sit down and enjoy a curry and a blether with legendary director William Lustig.

What creature or object would you say best symbolises your personality? The mighty Panda Bear.

Who do you think should be profiled in the next Curry Club Close-Up? That's what the comments are there for. Let us know ...

Currypedia No. 1: The Poppadom

Since I literally can't wait until the next official Curry Club outing (and since this blog would be terminally dull without regular updates) I thought that a little bit of curry education might tide us over until the next meeting.

We all love curry, that is not in dispute. But how much do we actually know about the world of curry? Probably not that much. With that in mind let's start at the beginning and read up on:

The Humble Poppadom

The legendary Glasgow curry institution that is The Shish Mahal (now on Park Road, previously Gibson Street) first published it's own cook book in 1982 and has this to say of the (their spelling) Papadam:

"These are spiced lentil wafers which are obtainable from most supermarkets in packets. They come in the form of dry, flat discs.

To prepare them, drop them one at a time into hot oil for a few seconds only, turning once. they will puff up very quickly and turn golden brown. Drain them by standing them up edgewise on absorbent paper."

In the coming weeks I'll start expanding this (obviously cheap and hastily cobbled together) update to include recipes and maybe pictures.

Curry clubbers - got any better ideas for filling the space between meetings? Then don't be as shy as you have been to date, let your voice be heard in the comments section.