Them's The Brakes

Everyone loves Top Gear, right? I mean, if you don't like Top Gear then everyone knows you're either a woman or some kind of big jessie (in other words, about as useful as a woman). So there has been literally no point in claiming that you don't like Top Gear, ever since Jeremy Clarkson methodically recon/deconstructed the programme in his own tight-jeaned, loosely-jowled, fossil-fuelled, Partridge-esque image.

That said, they do the odd funny bit on the show. And on Sunday they staged their own little petrolhead pageant, promising to reveal the identity of notorious speed freak The Stig. And it turned out to be Michael Schumacher! You know, the German Formula One driver who helped the Ferrari mannschaft totally dominate for ages! But what could this possibly have to do with curry? If you can't be bothered watching the whole interview on YouTube, just check this little snippet out:

It was, of course, Clarkson who first mentioned curry in a disparaging manner, so that specially-created clip above was the seven-time F1 champion throwing the initial jibe right back into Jezza's smug coupon (or "grill" as it might appropriately be called in this instance).

Is there any more substance to this whimsical Monday morning post? Well, there are two things to note. First of all, it gave me an alarming amount of pleasure to hastily edit together such a shonky video using iMovie HD in the knowledge that almost half of the official TATTGOC brotherhood work in commercial TV production, so each clunky fade between static images – not to mention the soundtrack that just jarringly stops rather than subtly fading out – will feel like an icy dagger straight into their professional hearts.

Also: Clarkson seems foolishly confident that curry has no place in the modern FIA set-up ... to which I saw "fie!" (and, perhaps, "foe!"). I'm sure there must be plenty of curry-related Formula One legends he hasn't even thought of, starting with ... Miki Hakkinaan. And who could forget Jamun Hill? Or the big wee man himself, Burn-y Ecclestone? Surely there must be others I haven't thought of ...